This week I’ve been reading Amanda Palmer’s book, The Art of Asking, and everyone needs to read it.
I mostly want this because she means so much to me and I’d love everyone else to connect with her too, but also because her simple message is essential. We’re better together.
As my early twenties have pushed into my late twenties, I’ve found myself experiencing less and less of those magical moments of connection I used to find all the time. It has become harder and harder for me to connect with a stranger on a bus, or to smile at a person who walks by, or to find a moment of grateful silence in my day. I have a lot of excuses for why my connection with my surroundings has been diminishing – I drive to work instead of walk, my friends have moved away, my body isn’t perfectly in shape or acne free yet, I’m out of practice being outgoing, other people don’t need to be bothered…
But Amanda reminds me to fight for these moments connection, that I’m not only allowed to ask them of others, but I’m helping them out if I do. If I want to share a wish of goodwill with the friend I made at the coffee shop line, it is likely that they want it too. Just because we can survive, even thrive, on our own, doesn’t mean we’re better off.
Independence is something we’ve been taught to value so highly. I work really hard not to ask too much of people, not to be a bother, not to rely on them, but as I read her book I’m forced to realize how limiting this mantra is. Sure I can make dinner on my own and not starve, but if I ask my friend the brilliant chef for some help I’m going to have a better end result.
I don’t know the meaning of life. Some days I think it is to have and create as many moments of joy as possible, some days I think it is all about growth and being better than you were the day before, some days I think it is all about making other people’s lives easier. But I do know that connecting with the people and the world around us is the way to accomplish all of it.
If you really don’t want to read the book (but you still should), you can watch her TED talk instead.