A field guide to growing up without growing apart

Tag: dreams

Condition of the Month- February

What is an ideal or aspiration that you held in high school but have since let go of? It has almost been six years since the naughty princesses all graduated high school.  Our ten-year reunions are still a ways off but close enough to make […]

3 Months

I’ve had a job for three months. It’s a great job. It pays well, I’m not micromanaged, I’ve learned a bunch of new programs; I can show up at 10 or work through lunch and if the roads are seriously covered in snow I can […]

Sundance 2013

Park City, Utah Sundance 2013

Wow. Where to start… The last week has been insanely hard on me. My feet are covered in blisters, I can barely keep my eyes open, and there were moments where I felt so inconsequential it was heart breaking. But this week was also incredible; I learned so much about the world and myself and after seeing so many stories brought to life I am overwhelmed at trying to pick just one tell you. I grew up here in Park City and I feel like Sundance is something like my heritage. And while this film festival has meant different things to me over the years, it has always felt like an old friend, coming to visit and help me live in a way I usually wouldn’t. This is the first year I’ve lived at home since high school and being a local for Sundance again reminded me how much this town is part of me. So here follows, in no particular order, and in the form of the ever-astounding list, the things I learned over the first 7 days of Sundance 2013.

Day 1 (Thursday):

  • Seeing an old friend is always good, especially when he doesn’t mind being left to wander the city alone while you go to work.
  • Two meetings in one day makes time fly.
  • Anticipation kills work ethic.
  • Basketball is still the best sport, even when your team loses.
  • Drinking with people 30 years older than you is awesome. So is flirting with one of said adult’s friend who is visiting on business.
  • Sleep can wait.

Day 2 (Friday):

  • Getting up before 6am sucks.
  • Dogs in coffee shops are always a good choice.
  • Short films don’t have to shock to be effective. A simple story about what it means to be a friend can be just as compelling.
  • If you love someone please don’t dig up their recently deceased dog in order to stuff it taxidermy style and leave it on their porch as a present. It won’t go well.
  • Sound is a huge part of film making. And life really. I need to learn more about the types of white noise.
  • The question of who am I?” is greater than the sum of its parts. You are more than just your lineage or where you were born or where you studied or how you act or who your friends are or where you end up.
  • Some people try really hard to be different. And I think that many times they end up right where they didn’t want to be.
  • Being a local means knowing where the best bars are and which benches are heated.
  • Snow Whore skied for the first time today and called me to talk about it. She’ll be a pro in no time.
  • Love’s hold grows with age. I know this seems obvious but I saw a controversial film called Two Mothers tonight and I can’t stop thinking about what it means to really know someone. It is based on a true story about two best friends who fall in love with each other’s sons. It was so strikingly beautiful to see these four people try their hardest not to love each other, all the while realizing that their connections were too deep to ever really replace. I know I’m young and still have time to find love, but as I age I worry that I will never get to participate in a love like that, the kind that I can say it’s always been you.
  • Graham Norton makes everything better. Even 2am stories about a cannibalistic family.
  • Sleep can wait.

    Two Mothers

Day 3 (Saturday):

  • When walking is an option, choose it. We caught a bus that took 4 times as long as walking would have.
  • Disappointment happens. We waited 3 hours in line for film tickets two different times today and barely missed the cut both times. Being able to take a deep breath and move on is an important skill to cultivate.
  • Keri Russell is the cutest person ever.
  • Time travel is possible. We snuck into Kat Edmonson’s concert and her voice from the 20s blew us away.
  • Radio interviews are always a good choice.
  • Do not cut the waitlist line a few minutes before the film starts, they won’t care how good your excuse is. For the safety of the people around you, accept your defeat so people don’t start a riot.
  • Own what you do. A guitar player who looks crazy rocking out to his music is way more attractive than a stoic drummer. Also always dance when watching live music.
  • Trying to explain a friend to someone else before they meet doesn’t help anyone. No matter who introduces you, your relationships are entirely unique.
  • Never say no to a hot tub. Or beer.
  • A great thing about old friends is that they can spend the night apart but still carpool home together.
  • Sleep can wait.

Day 4 (Sunday):

  • Skiing is always worth it. Even when it hasn’t snowed in a week and the runs are sheets of ice, the mountain air is still enlightening.
  • Watching friends from two of my worlds collide is a dream come true. I felt like a proud mother as they got to know each other on the lift.
  • Never say no to a hot tub. or tea.
  • Trusting a friend with your car is better than driving them around yourself.
  • Netflix is ruining our lives. It hurts to watch us disappear into other worlds and forget the way back. I love TV as much as anyone, but I love living more.
  • Good music and winding roads are the cure for everything, even an intense fear of the unknown and a stubborn herd of elk.
  • Sleep can wait.

    Park City Mountain Resort

Day 5 (Monday):

  • Getting up before 6am sucks
  • 9am movies never fill up. We walked right in and sat next to the director of the movie we waited in line to see on Saturday, Touchy Feely. Lynn Shelton is the most adorable thing ever and listening to her gush about Seattle made me tear up.
  • Never ask permission, just go in. If you get kicked out no problem, if not you never know where you’ll end up.
  • Spending 19 hours a day for 5 days with a person you haven’t known forever and aren’t dating is exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I so incredibly glad my friend Tommy from Seattle came to stay, but man, I have never relished my moments of silence more in my life.
  • Sometimes the feelings you get while watching a film are more important that the content itself. I won’t describe how disgusting the film I watched was because it makes me sick to think of it, but after it was over and the director was answering the audience questions I realized how beautiful the film really was. He showed us what it means to be alive and that sometimes loneliness can be a catalyst.
  • 20-somethings are the same everywhere. The Machine which Makes Everything Disappear is a documentary about young people in Georgia (the country) and every story we saw was more familiar than the last. The facts were different, but our thoughts are the same. The most striking speech was by a girl who said she was tired. Tired of her job. Tired of her age. Tired of her family. Tired of Tired of making new friends. Tired of partying. Tired of inequality. Tired of everything. She wished she herself could disappear because she was tired of being tired. And while I may not be tired of everything, I certainly understand being tired of being tired.
  • If you asked 4 twenty-somethings what they would do with their lives if they only had 2 years left to live, all four of us would say travel.
  • If Evan Rachel Wood steps on your boot in the line for free veggie burgers she will smile and apologize.
  • It is hard to motivate yourself to get to know people you know you’ll never see again. And it’s especially hard when the group you are with is super into film and you are the random engineer/writer who has to stay sober to drive home. But you can always call your long-distance friends to catch up for a bit and remind yourself who you are, because no matter who you are talking to, if you find yourself interesting so will others.
  • Keep your eyes open. You never know if the sex god Australian boys from the movie you saw will be sitting next to you at the locals bar.
  • Sleep can wait.

Day 6 (Tuesday):

  • Dying for love is a pretty great way to go. But getting shot by the girl you love and then magically surviving a 100 meter fall into a river after her mobster husband commits suicide is just cheesy. Also watching Shia Labeouf tell a stewardess the guy sleeping on his shoulder is dead is hysterical.
  • Science does more than just flesh out a film; many times the science is a story in itself.
  • It can never hurt to say hello. Whether it is to a girl you used to hate in high school or the head of PBS’s Nova, you’ll always regret it if you don’t.
  • Many people in film have huge egos. I like people who are passionate, but I don’t want to be around people who choose to feel superior. I believe that talking to someone is an end in itself, even if that doesn’t lead to advancement in your career. And surrounding yourself with people who are the same as you is the opposite of what I want my life to be.
  • Jordan is a beautiful country and I will go there before I die.
  • Seeing a film with your family is just as awesome as seeing one with your friends.
  • Ambition and happiness don’t go hand in hand, but happiness and pride do.
  • Sometimes a film can do everything right and just not quite work.
  • Sleep can wait.

    Jordan

Day 7 (Wednesday):

  • Getting up before 6 am sucks.
  • Italians talk less in the mornings.
  • Saying goodbye to someone you care about but don’t love can feel good.
  • Going back to work after a week like that is pretty brutal.
  • Jack Kerouac created something beautiful but he didn’t live a beautiful life. We saw Big Sur tonight and while it was shot perfectly and hearing Kerouac’s language was mesmerizing, the film didn’t paint a picture of a person I want anything to do with.
  • I think that film is changing, that women’s roles are becoming more and more complex and worth screen time. But we aren’t there yet, and it is offensive to see a film with that little effort to show insight into the women.
  • Sleep can wait.

 

And it’s not over yet. 5 more days and countless more films to go!

I’m a Crusher

My name is Sleeping Booty and I’m a crusher. A few days ago I read a psychology study circulating the internet that claimed a crush lasting over 4 months crosses over into the territory of love. While I’m not sure I agree, it still got […]

My Sister

It’s that time of year again folks (no I’m not talking about bringing out the NSYNC Christmas CD. That happened a month ago of course), it’s the time of year when we make our lists and check them twice. We write lists of presents, lists […]

Designated Driver

Designated Driver Poster cut_Page_1

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

I was my parents’ DD last night.

Yup, you read that right, DD as in Designated Driver (Sober Soldier, Chaste Chauffeur, Timid Transporter, Glum Guide, Boring Betsy… did I just get carried away?) I, a 24-year-old single female, was tasked with soberly delivering my parents to a Saturday night party with their college friends and subsequently returning them safely home at the end of the evening(in this case early morning). I even took on passengers, picking up a few of their friends on the way and taking them for a quick pre-party cocktail at a nearby restaurant.

Their party was a reunion, the 40th anniversary of a pub most of them had worked at in college. My dad brought his chef’s t-shirt which displayed a graphic of two naked women sitting back to back and my mother wore skinny jeans. When I asked when about they’d be calling for a pickup, my dad told me if I didn’t hear from them by midnight I could probably start thinking about heading over. Since when did my parents become so cool?

No, I wasn’t a total recluse that night, although I seriously considered finding a nice quiet coffee shop to read my book in while I waited. Instead I headed over to a karaoke bar for a friend of a friend of a friend’s birthday and danced along to the covers of Green Day and Madonna (who knew American Idiot would be such a great karaoke song?). It was nice to be at a bar again, and I even had fun, but when no one came close to Snow Whore’s rendition of Total Eclipse of the heart from her bachelorette party and the bar began to fill with guys I secretly wished I was drunk enough to hook up with, I started to long for home. I counted down the minutes until I could be at my parents’ house getting ready for bed.

They called at 11:40 and I was there by midnight. I had to go in to the bar to get them because they couldn’t hear my call over the noise of the crowd. I held my mother’s hand as we navigated down the stairs to the parking garage. Taking them home was easy, they gossiped about which friends had changed and even rehashed a few stories. I learned that my mother can’t drink vodka now because her high school boyfriend gave her a bottle and said drink enough of this so we can add some orange juice. I learned that my dad was deemed the responsible one of the group because he made sure the sand they trucked in for one of their beach parties wouldn’t fall in any of the floor vents. They especially liked to remember the time they accidently showed a naked picture of their friend to all the folks at her wedding.

aging-parents-book3

But still, it happened. I took care of my parents, and I honestly didn’t mind. So have the roles shifted? Have I officially become the caretaker? Was I ever the rebellious teen? I was angsty for sure, but did I ever take action?

On the way to work with my dad the other day (yes I work, live and carpool with him) I joked that maybe moving home was part of my sinister plan to gain their trust and then rebel for real this time. Maybe I’d throw a killer party wrecking the house and get so drunk I’d black out. Instead of caution he gave me encouragement, saying he probably wouldn’t even be upset because he’d think I deserved to have a little fun. Later that night my mom told me she’d prefer I didn’t wreck the house but she could find me a place nearby to rent out. Did my parents just encourage me to party?

And it didn’t stop there; at work one of the guys my dad spends lunches with told me he knows much more about my brother than he does me. He said my dad talks about my brother because he’s caused a bit of trouble, but since I’ve always been on the “straight and narrow” he doesn’t have much to share about me. He meant it as a compliment but part of me was confused. Does doing things right make me less worthy of interest? What have I done so far that is worthy of talking about?

avoid-boring-people-cover

Even this last year, which I had convinced myself wasn’t part of the plan, is actually completely expected. The whole country is struggling to find jobs, so since I’ve made decent money on odd jobs with few expenses I’m actually above the curve. That doesn’t constitute a rebellion? Where is my sense of adventure that I think so highly of?

Maybe I’m still waiting for the perfect moment to take that chance, or maybe I’ve already made it and it just hasn’t quite gained momentum, but there isn’t much getting around the fact that as of yet, I haven’t done anything truly adventurous.

So, shouldn’t moving out be the first step? You’d think living at home wouldn’t be the best place for a 20-something adventurous woman to start. But instead of wishing I was off on my own, I’ve found myself loving every minute of the home-cooked meals and stay-at home Saturdays working on crafts.

So I’m choosing to live at home. Not because I have no money or no friends or no job or no sense of adventure, but because for now, I love it. And I love them, drunken partying and all. On Thanksgiving one of the dads of the families I’ve grown up with gave the toast. He raised his (full) glass to us, the now grown kids, saying that out of all the years they’ve had us in their lives he is loving these most. And I’m glad I believe him.

Falling in Love With Fall

I love fall. When October rolls around everything becomes magic. I step out the door, taste the crispness in the air, and it gives me a spring in my step.  When its fall, all I want to do is take long walks through the brilliantly […]

A Meditation on Mermaids

Hello blogging world!  This is the Lil’ Merskank here.  It took me a bit to decide what to write on for my first post.  After much consideration, I decided to spare you from my (nearly inexhaustible) ranting about the Middle Ages (and how awesome they […]

Now is the Best Moment

Greetings Blogosphere! How goes it?! I’m Sleeping Booty and I’ll be your author today(and every 2nd Thursday from here on out) and I can barely contain how excited I am to get rolling on this project. It’s been a long year since graduation, and I’m just bursting with titillating twenty-something topics. From job hunting and wedding planning to teaching abroad and long-distance relationships, it seems like all I hear about lately are stories of reaching for and breaking up with dreams. It’s getting absurd how often I have lunch with someone who has just quit their job to go to culinary school or shook my head at someone who just needs a few more months before they’ll dump their boyfriend. This time in our lives is volatile and dramatic; one little push can make us go flying. But it’s exciting and fantastic too; I can’t count how many real adults have told me to just have fun and enjoy it. So while it’s difficult to shake the fear that this might be my best moment ever, I like to believe that today is the best moment of my life so far.

I’ve dealt with a lot of change in the last few weeks. My summer job ended, my fellow naughty princess and roommate got married, my grandfather died too soon and I packed everything I own in a rental car, moving across two states back in with my parents. It’s been intense, but now I find myself at a standstill, with no plan or direction to speak of.

Compared to many twenty-somethings, the world is at my fingertips. I have a decent degree and no expensive addictions to speak of. I don’t have a significant other to worry about staying near or crippling student loans to pay back. I don’t even have an overbearing family to appease. All I have to worry about is following my dreams. And by all accounts, I should be able to reach them.

But lately my dreams have become reoccurring nightmares of forgetting my basketball shoes before a big game. I rush frantically trying to tie my lace or squeeze my foot into someone else’s extra pair while the referee starts the game without me. What does it say about my waking life when my subconscious thinks I’m under-prepared? How am I supposed to follow my dreams when they repeatedly tell me I’m ill-equipped?

I know I have a ridiculous amount of support from friends, family and random strangers I pour my heart out to on the bus. And I’m not here to whine about how difficult it is to choose the best out of a hundred different paths to happiness. But sometimes I let the pressure get to me and think about how many things I could be missing out on. No matter what I do, one part of myself is going to get the short end of the stick.

But even though I know that threat of future regret is always going to be there, I also know that everyone else is right there with me. And that means that we’re going to be ok. I stumbled upon this adorable YouTube mini series a while back and a certain phrase has stuck with me and become my mantra as well. So I’m going to make now the best moment of my life. And I’m going to keep it up.