The Mini-Skirt Days are Over

Some of the life milestones in our twenties have to do with fashion, as we mature past the skankier and more foolish choices of our teen and college years. I remember a few years ago wondering when I would begin shopping exclusively in the Misses and Women’s sections of stores instead of the Juniors. I remember the day I officially stopped shopping at Aeropostale—it was the day I saw a 9 year old checking out the same top I was. I was probably at least 19 at the time. In that moment, I came to the conclusion: “I am too old for this store.” Well, I will admit that I still occasionally darken the door of the Juniors section of certain stores, but less and less frequently these days. Somewhere along the line, my tastes have begun to change, and I’ve found myself gravitating towards longer skirts and tops that show less cleavage.

One item in my closet illustrates just how rapidly this change in style and perspective can occur. In November of 2011, on my 23^rd birthday, my boyfriend surprised me by flying home from the Middle East and proposing. But before I actually made it to the romantic surprise proposal part, I had to open several letters from him containing instructions about what I should do and where I should go next. One envelope contained a $100 bill and the instructions to go buy myself a dress. Best birthday ever, right? The Naughty Princesses and I love shopping for dresses, so this in and of itself would have been a great gift. But I digress. The point is, the dress I bought with that money was short, tight, and black, with a see-through lace part at the top. I loved it, and it looked awesome, but it was the kind of dress that will get you into a club, not something you wear to a wedding reception or a job interview. I wore it that night when celebrating with my new fiancé, and again for my bachelorette party. After that I used it one or two more times, mostly for girls’ night out-type events. The last time I wore that LBD was at Snow Whore’s bachelorette party, more than 9 months ago. At that point I was starting to feel like the dress showed a bit too much, especially in the leg department. So I wore it with tights—after all, I wasn’t the bride-to-be…I didn’t need to attract extra attention.

Now, when I think about that dress, I can’t think of an occasion where it would be appropriate, mostly because of how short it is. It’s one of those materials that rides up as you walk, so even if it is an acceptable length when standing perfectly still, after a few moments it edges into bootylicious territory. And at this point in my life, I must honestly say that I am not feeling very bootylicious. I may occasionally go for a low-cut top, but when it comes to the lower half, I have no interest in letting it all hang out. Here’s why I think short skirts and booty shorts suck:

1. Something that looks perfect in the dressing room mirror can morph into an unexpected wardrobe malfunction at any moment, depending on whether you are sitting, walking, or (if you dare) bending over. Those Britney Spears crotch shots wouldn’t have happened if her skirt were a few inches longer.
2. It’s really hard to make these looks work for anything other than clubbing or the beach. You might be able to get away with a bit of cleavage at work, but short-shorts will never, ever be professional.
3. In some people’s minds, a few inches of fabric is all that separates a ho from a lady. Why risk finding yourself on the wrong side?
4. The shorter your skirt, the more leg you have to shave. And who has time for that?
5. Like your mom always said, you’re paying more for less fabric—and that just doesn’t make sense.
6. The taller you are, the less appropriate that dress will be. I know Sleeping Booty can sympathize with me on this one!
7. Most times, the skirt would look just as cute if it were knee-length as it would as a mini.

So there you have it; the pros of the mini-skirt or short dress no longer outweigh the cons, at least for me. In the space of less than two years I went from being in love with a sexy black dress to wondering why I ever bought it. I still think it is sexy, but I have no desire to feel self-conscious about the amount of thigh I’m showing; I would love the dress so much more if it was knee-length (and stayed that way).

The funny thing about this transformation is that I can remember vividly how much I wanted to push the limits of modesty when I was a teen. It was a huge victory whenever I could convince my mom to buy me a spaghetti strap tank top, and I always looked forward to formal dances because it meant I could wear a strapless dress. Little did I know how short the window would be when I could get away with wearing revealing clothes and have fun doing it!

There are several factors at work here, perhaps including changes in my body shape, the fact that I’m no longer single, and the fact that I currently live in the most conservatively dressed country in the world. There are no Little Black Dresses here, only long, black abayas. As we were packing for our big move I remember holding up a blue mini-skirt and asking my husband if he thought I would have any use for it in our new home. If I kept it in storage, would I even fit into it or still like it when I returned? I honestly don’t remember which way I decided about that skirt—it could have gone into the Goodwill bag or it might be waiting for me in a box in my parents’ garage. But it doesn’t matter, because I know I won’t be wearing it again. My mini-skirt days are over.

I’m 24 going on 25…am I too young to give up short skirts? Maybe, but this twenty-something is ready to be a little more classy and little less trashy. Except, of course, for bachelorette parties. I gotta get my husband’s money’s worth for that little black number…