With my 27th birthday (and therefore my “late 20s”) only a few months away, I’ve been thinking more and more about starting a family. Baby fever has started, I’d say, with so many cute littles popping up on my facebook newsfeed, and some of my real-life friends starting to take the plunge into parenthood. One of my friends here gave birth 3 weeks ago, another is expecting her second child in October, and a good friend from work is due with her first in August. I don’t feel pressured, per se, but I’ve started to think that I’m ready (as I’ll ever be) for this next step.
However, this is such a momentous decision that it’s been plaguing me with doubt and conflicting emotions. I love my life, and part of the reason I love it so much is because it’s relatively easy at the moment. A great job, plenty of vacation time to travel, no shortage of money, and no major responsibilities. A child would obviously, irreparably, alter all that. A lot of my qualms have to do with my career. I’ve been blessed with a job that is a great fit for me, and if I take time off—even just a year—to have a baby, I worry that I might never go back, at least not for many years. I don’t think I would really mind being a stay-at-home mom for a time, but so much can change in 5 or 10 years. Would I still be hireable, or even know what I’m doing, after all that time away from the classroom? When it comes down to it, my resume is still pretty sparse. I can’t help thinking having 4 or 5 years of experience under my belt before I quit would set me up much better than only 3 years.
Another factor is, of course, my husband’s feelings about the issue. Last summer we had a conversation in which we both said we thought Spring/Summer 2016 would be a great time to welcome our first child. Since then I’ve kind of been operating under that assumption (on the days when I’m not freaking out about the whole career/life change aspect and wanting to put it off!). In that scenario, I’d need to get pregnant within the next few months, which would mean going off birth control, like, pretty much now. With that time frame looming closer and closer, I tried several times in the last few months to talk to my husband about it and see if he was still on board with that plan. But every time he seemed to brush it off, changing the subject, or at least not wanting to give me a hard and fast answer. I started to get concerned…it seemed like he didn’t want to start trying soon after all, and the last thing I want to do is force him into something he isn’t ready for.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, I brought it up again and we were finally able to talk it all out. Essentially, though he still sees the logic of our original plan, he’s scared of actually having a baby and all the changes that will bring to our lives. I could see from talking to him that, while I know he’d be excited and happy to hear that I was pregnant, he could also live quite happily for several more years sans kids. After our conversation, I felt like things were still somewhat up in the air. He agrees that trying either this year or next year is a good idea, but he’s not ready to actually “start trying.”
I’m not sure where this leaves us. In my heart, I think I’m leaning towards sooner rather than later. Life is short, and this is one of the most important things I want to “do with my life.” I also know my parents won’t be around forever, and I’d love to give them grandchildren soon, so they can enjoy those relationships for as many years as possible. But, simultaneously, I desperately want this to be a mutual decision that we’re both at peace with, not me nagging him into it or taking matters into my own hands.
I’m the kind of person who likes plans and schedules and rational decisions, so I can totally see the logic behind the idea of waiting one more year as well. We’d have more money, have had more fun travel adventures together, and my resume would be one year stronger. Those are all undeniable truths.
But none of them stop me from lying in bed at night, dreaming about the little boy or girl who will call me mom.
Great post, Cindy! I totally relate! Oh, wait, ahem, I don’t mean I am thinking of having a baby any time soon…! But I do relate to the scariness and difficulty of making Big Decisions. There is something terrifying about making a choice that will effect the. rest. of. your. life. Most of our day- to- day decisions are more-or- less reversable, but big leaps like having a baby or getting married are not. I honestly find that kind of terrifying.
However, as much as I relate and sympathize, I think that you should go for it! I feel pretty sure that when it comes to it, there will never be a *perfect time* for most of us to have a baby. Whether it is a question of time, or money, or stability, there is always a reason for not doing it (I personally super identify with the career pressure point!). However, I honestly think we should never let Big Decisions paralyze us– there is always a leap, and you can never know exactly how it is going to work out, but that is why we have to have faith!
I feel pretty sure you and your prince will be great parents!