Have you guys been watching The Bachelor this season? Ben isn’t the most interesting of men, but he’s tall, kind, and young, which make for a winning combination if you ask me.
In college we used to gather together with junk food and craft projects on Bachelor nights, talking over the dialogue and drama and bonding over what we’d do if we were in that situation. So while watching the most recent season I feel easily back into old habits and decided to check in with my fellow princesses to see what they would do while on a specific group date.
Imagine you’re given twenty minutes to prepare a two minute talent routine that you have to perform as an opening act for a ventriloquist in Las Vegas. Ten of your closest friends (and enemies) are there to compete with you as well, so you not only have to not totally bomb in front of a live audience, but you have to impress the people who know you well too. What would you do?!
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I’ve never participated in a talent show. I don’t think I’m very talented…I’ve always been more of an all-around, jack-of-all-trades kind of person. You know, above average at many things but an expert at nothing. But for this hypothetical, fun question, I have to go with my recently acquired hobby: the ukulele.
I had a student last year who would bring her ukulele into class and play for us sometimes, and I fell in love with the irresistibly happy sound of the instrument. So this past Christmas I asked for and got my own ukulele, and I’ve been playing it ever since. I played violin for 8 years, so another string instrument wasn’t foreign to me, but I have to say I have more fun playing my uke than I ever did with violin. I love that you can play hundreds of songs with only a few simple chords! I actually want to practice, something I never felt before. I’m still not great at it, of course, but I bet if you gave me a bit of time to work on a song and put me on stage, I would rock it, mostly because it is absolutely impossible to NOT be happy when you’re listening to ukulele.
If I had a year to prepare I think I’d probably go with the same thing, except I’d hire a professional to teach me so I could actually make real progress. If I could have my fellow princesses with me on banjo, mandolin, and guitar, too, well… then we’d be unstoppable!
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I may be unlike most people in that the thought of putting together a last minute routine of some sort does not scare me in the least. I’m sure I would quickly just pick a song I already knew all the words to and get to it. I’m not the best singer ever, but I get the job done. However, if this were for a program like the bachelor I might purposely do poorly because I would not want to win that…
If I had more time to prepare, I would probably just turn my routine into a song and dance routine. My fellow princesses know my penchant for making music videos. Who’s in??
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As soon as this idea entered my head I started to panic. What would I do if I only had a few minutes to prepare?! I’m not a dancer, a singer, a public speaker. I don’t hula hoop well or have any party tricks up my sleeve. I don’t know how to twirl a baton or play an instrument well. I don’t even think I could recite anything from memory besides maybe the pledge of allegiance.
How have I gone my entire life without learning one go to talent for parties or the typical group date in Las Vegas!? I suddenly felt like less of a complete person, like I somehow missed out on developing that one things that I can do decently well on cue.
So I started grasping at straws. Maybe I could bring out a whiteboard and solve a calculus problem! Maybe I could grab a microphone and walk through the audience and demonstrate how to only speak in questions! Maybe I could lip sync to a Taylor Swift song, or any other 90s alt band on demand. Maybe I could demonstrate my useless knowledge of pop culture relationships or name a movie any actor under 50 has been in! Maybe I can bore people to death by letting them watch me make paper flowers! I even considered demonstrating that I’m mildly competent at all sports or that I can take really great cell phone pictures of people in the audience.
But nothing really seems to fit, and if you’re going to make me perform in front of a live audience I better feel at least sort of confident about the thing I’m going to do. If push came to shove I’d probably end up just walking out with a mic and singing dramatically some funny song like Hey There Delilah or anything Spice Girls. But if I have a year to prepare, (which I may actually do now that I realized my deficiency) I think I’d practice like 30 different party tricks and do as many as I have time and supplies for. Though I have always wanted to learn a few impressions…
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So, I am on the bachelor and I have to perform a ‘talent’. The first thing I think to myself is that having an impressive talent is probably the last thing to get me any advantage on that show. Wearing a sexy dress and giggling while actually having no specific talent at all would be more likely to do the trick. If I had a few seconds to do something weird… well, I don’t know. Sometimes I do this thing with my fingers that I think is a bit unusual. I am not double jointed or anything but I think my fingers are a little extra flexible, so instead of crossing two fingers for luck, I can actually cross all my fingers. So maybe if I was on the bachelor I would do something funny like that.
If we are talking about more substantial talents, I am not sure. I play the flute, but badly. I can’t really sing or act to speak of… most of the talents that I try to develop these days are pretty academic. I guess one thing that comes to mind is that I am quite good at guessing the where words come from. For instance, I have a really good sense for which modern words come from Latin roots and which come from Germanic roots, which words came in via French and which might be Norse influence. It is pretty fun actually to know which words came from where and how they relate to other words. But probably that is the type of talent that would get me voted off the bachelor from day one…
Speaking only in questions? Teach me!
Will you teach me where words come from in return?
I can try! [p.s. all the words in my sentence are Germanic via OE; the words in your last sentence are too, except return which is originally from Latin, probably via French!].