A field guide to growing up without growing apart
So…it’s been a while since I posted, not that I’m the only one (ahem). But Mother’s Day just passed, and I thought it was time for another depressing update on my barren womb. Back in October I had just started fertility treatment and had been […]
Recently one of my high school basketball teammates posted a photo of the team from our senior year, 2007, with a nostalgic caption about how much she missed “the best team/friends ever” and all the great times we had back then. I clicked “like” on […]
High school friends, college friends, work friends, family–have you ever wished two people from separate spheres of your life would meet? Just because both of them like you doesn’t necessarily mean they would like each other, but it’s kind of fun to think about, right?
Sometimes I wish people in my life now could meet someone from my past—usually mostly because that person from the past is nigh impossible to describe in words. For example, all of my fellow princesses here have had the “pleasure” of meeting Snow’s and my psychotic college roommate, but many people I’ve met since will never meet her, and that’s a bit of a shame, because she really was the kind of crazy you can’t fathom until you experience it. Another iconic figure from my past has to be Michael, the first guy (to my knowledge) to ever have a crush on me. After three years of tense teenage flirtation I finally came around to liking him too, and voila—my first kiss! The relationship flamed out immediately after that kiss, but still, I wish my friends could meet Michael and understand the depths of his pasty nerdiness—I think it would benefit their understanding of high school me. Specifically, I actually wish Ariel could meet Michael, because their lives have taken similar paths. Both standout students in high school, they hopped across the pond after undergrad to pursue graduate degrees in history. They don’t study the same era (she’s Medieval, he’s Ancient), but I have to think that two people with a passion for the past and the common experience of living in the U.K. for so many years could have one heck of a conversation, even without swapping first kiss stories. This imaginary relationship would be purely platonic and intellectual…but since I haven’t spoken to Michael since college myself, the chances of hooking them up are slim. I guess I’ll have to cross my fingers and hope they run into each other on the tube someday, or end up sitting next to each other on a flight back home.
–Cindy
When I read this question, for some reason the people that came to mind were my sister and my friend Sheri. They might not be a good answer for the question, because I am not so sure that they would be friends, even if they knew each other. However, I have often felt to myself that they had somehow had some real similarities and things in common. I wonder if they would get on? It is kind of funny because I don’t really get on too well with my sister (at least currently), and Sheri is my good friend. But somehow I feel they have something in common. It is hard to say exactly what it is. I mean, there are superficial things— like the fact that both of them are strict (very strict) vegetarians who eat cheese but not eggs. But I think that one of the deeper connections is their relationship to their family. My sister is somehow not good at maintaining relationships with her family members. This is even perhaps a bit of an overstatement… if one wanted to be harsh you might say that she was systematically isolating herself from every member of the family. It’s all pretty crazy— at least that is how it seems to me. But when I’ve talked to Sheri about it, she always somehow sees my sister’s side of the issue. Maybe that is because in Sheri’s family, she is the loner. She is the one on the outside— everyone else in the family is tight, but she feels like she doesn’t fit. Or, more accurately, she feels like they have rejected her. Probably exactly how my sister feels. I am not sure how my sister and Sheri would get along, but I almost think they would have fun.
–Ariel
Great question Cindy! I tend to think everyone I love should always get along, and it has gotten me into trouble when I try to force people who aren’t really friends to hangout. A lot of trouble actually, so much so that this question feels a bit impossible because I’ve either already introduced people who I thought would get along or have a very strong feeling that it won’t work out with the other people I know. But I’ll never stop trying, because the more the merrier, and it is hard work to juggle friends and feuds. I could go with the obvious and say that I would be a great match with any of my friends’ brothers, but this isn’t about me and I have already met said brothers, so I’ll have to go with my high school friend Sarah and my college friend Ann. Similar personalities are always risky to put together, and it is even more likely to not work out when those personalities are strong ones, but these two opinionated girls both have hearts of gold solidly under their sarcasm and jokes. I think 5 years ago they would have never gotten along, and ten years ago they would have been mortal enemies, but now they’re at similar places in life with similar ways of handling it and I genuinely think they’d be fast and strong friends. Both of them are not for everyone, and both of them can be a handful for their friends and loved ones, but both of them connect with people in a way only a few can. They leave lasting impressions and a part of you will never be the same after being their friend.
–Aurora
Whenever I think about two people who should meet, I always think of the ill-fated attempt to hook up Aurora with a crazy kid that graduated high school with me. All the princesses were in mine and Ariel’s hometown going through my old yearbook. Suddenly Aurora points to a guy and says “who’s that?” After describing all the antics of this individual, she decides they are soulmates. We tell her that he still lives in the area, which excites her even more. In order to make herself known to him, she tacks up a notice in his favorite coffee shop with her phone number on it. We think he actually did try to call her, but didn’t leave a message. Alas, it seems it wasn’t meant to be, but it will forever be one of my favorite stories. Because wouldn’t that be the best how we met story ever!
I’m sure there are other examples of people in my life who I really want to meet each other, but this one will always stick out. I’m still hoping that someday in the future I’ll be with Aurora, and we’ll see this guy across the room. I’ll excitedly whisper “that’s him!” Then she’ll go up to him all confident and say “Remember that time years ago when a girl left you her number on a coffee shop bulletin board?” And the rest is history.
–Snow
It’s an age old struggle. Making friends at work. At first you feel like the awkward new kid and you spend a month or two trying to worm your way into the social ladder of your workplace. Depending on where you work this can be […]
For this month’s COTM I’ve asked my friends to think about their work / life balance. What would be an ideal balance between work and home life look like, or is it all actually the same thing? And what about the future, will things change […]
A few months ago my friend went crazy. Now when I say crazy I don’t mean like fun- excited- let’s party- crazy, I 
mean like mental- hospital crazy. Yeah. Scary. She had been depressed for a few months, maybe closer to a year, so she decided to finally see a doctor and get some anti-depressants. Things seemed to improve, but then, after maybe a month, all of a sudden her depression was back and maybe worse then ever. She started texting me really scary things, like about killing herself. This had never happened to me in real life before. IN high school they always talk about what to do if this happens but it had never happened to me before. You think things like, what am I suppose to do? Is she serious or not? Should I contact her parents? Will that help or make things worse? I tried to talk to her and reason with her but it was pretty awful. I contacted her sister just to make sure she was aware of what was going on, but otherwise there was not too much I could do. I just hoped she was having some sort of depressive episode and in a day or two she would be better, but in a day or two things were worse. She started not making much sense anymore… telling me crazy things about her family that were stretching the limits of credibility, and was being impossible to reason with. It turns out her family was as worried as I was, and that night they checked her into a medical hospital. They said she as becoming incoherent. A few days later I visited her in the hospital, and she was worse than I could have anticipated. It was like she couldn’t focus her thoughts on something, just drifted in and out out of focus. She had basically lost it but still had the sense about her to know that she had lost it, a thought that obviously completely terrified her. Honestly, it terrified me too. I mean, how can you just… lose it? What if you don’t get better? Well, to not hold you in suspense, I am very happy to say that she did get better. In total she spent just under two weeks in the hospital, and is now back living at home. She said she is feeling a lot better, and is back to making sense again. But in the meantime she lost her place in her course (she had just begun law school) and will have to wait a whole year to begin again. Now she has a whole year she needs to find something do with.. and something to tell people when they ask her what happened. It was a crazy experience, seeing how someone’s life- how someone’s mind- can just fall apart. The doctors think that the antidepressants she was prescribed somehow aggravated rather than helped her condition, but still… that is something that could happen to anyone. I mean, if your mind just starts to rebel what can you do? This short brush with insanity was like a brief exposure to the scariness that some people have to live with everyday— it terrified me and I only experienced it second hand.
Well, the wedding is over. Deep breath. I easily spent half of my summer working on crafts and support from my friend’s wedding and now that it’s done I feel more than exhaustion, I feel relief. My time is my own again! And while I […]
It sucks when your friends leave. I know this is just a fact of life. It was only three years ago that the naughty princesses began to split up—each going their separate way, each living their own life. I was the first to leave. I […]
Life goes on, doesn’t it? Back in December I had to say goodbye to my husband, knowing I wouldn’t see him again for 4+ months. At the same time, I had 16 weeks of student teaching stretching out in front of me, an experience I knew would teach me a lot, but also be worth it. Now, those four long months have come to an end, and I’m so excited to celebrate the end of a challenging season and the beginning of a new one!
When I got married, I couldn’t have predicted that I’d spend one-sixth of the first two years of our marriage separated from my husband. It’s not the way marriage is meant to be, but at least we had practice from our time dating long-distance. It sucked to have to say goodbye and move back in with my parents, but there have been some wonderful benefits to this unusual circumstance, too.
As much as the short Skype dates strained my relationship with my husband, living at home again provided great opportunities to bond with my parents and my youngest brother, Tweedle-Dum. Tweedle-Dum was cooling his heels at home for a few months as he got ready to enlist in the Navy (he just left for Basic Training yesterday). We haven’t lived together in 7 years, so it really was an awesome blast from the past to get to know him again. I kept discovering things about him that I never knew, or had forgotten. I took him out to coffee frequently, because for some reason those were the only times I could really get him to open up about serious topics. We watched movies and shows, fought over the last of the good ice cream, and generally had a fabulous time together for four months. On his last day at home we watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower together, and we both cried. Those who know my brother will understand why this was the perfect movie for him to watch right about then.
The good memories I made with my brother were enough in and of themselves to make the separation worth it, but I also got to hang out with my husband’s family quite a bit during the last four months. The highlight of those times would definitely be seeing my five little nephews and 1 niece (they’re 5,4,3,2,1, and 4 months…crazy!) One nephew in particular is my special buddy. He’s two, but really smart and talkative for his age. Every time he sees me he runs up for a big hug—it’s too precious! Before I left he told me he’s going to miss me lots, and asked me if I will miss him. In truth, I already do. *love*
I have a good friend in my home town that I rarely get to see, so moving home was the perfect excuse to spend lots and lots of time at her place. She’s seven years older and has two kids, but somehow we understand each other, and she’s been a long-time buddy and mentor of mine. I fell into a routine where just about every week I’d find myself hanging out with her and the kids at least one day a week after school. Mostly we just sipped coffee or tea and talked about whatever frustrations and issues we were facing. When my friend got laid off from her job, I was able to support her and remind her how awesome she is, with or without a job. Then one day she had to drown one of her chickens because it was dying (she’s one of those NW people), and I gave her a hug and somehow made her laugh. I think both of us needed the kind of friend who can just listen and be there, and I’m so glad we got to hang out as much as we did.
I also used this time back in the states to reconnect with other friends. I’ve had lots of quality visits with Snow Whore (yay!), my former roommates, and two friends from high school who both have been teaching abroad for years and finally came back. I even took a road-trip to the other side of the state to visit another dear friend and her husband, something I never have time to do in the short times we’re home visiting.
Getting to spend so much time with my family and friends has made this time pass quickly and given me things to look forward to on my weekends and school breaks. And now, finally, the 4+ months are over, and I have been reunited with my husband, my house, and the steamy heat of the Red Sea. I was actually only home for a day before my husband and I set off for Spain, where we reunited with none other than…Sleeping Booty! It had been over a year and a half since SB and I had seen each other, so it was especially sweet to spend some time hanging out in Madrid and stuffing our faces with alcohol and tapas.
Looking back, it actually feels like the time has flown by. I remember feeling lonely and depressed when it was winter and my student teaching stretched out before me endlessly, but now it’s spring, my Master’s degree is DONE, and I’m back where I belong. I’m just going to try and enjoy it, because I know this season, too, will pass.
Hello! It feels like forever since I last posted, funny how that seems to be the theme we’ve got going lately, all of us princesses sort of putting this old blog on the back burner while real life takes all our attention. We’ve been at […]
I came of age with the first cell-phone technology, and I vividly remember the day when a high school friend first taught me how to use t9 to text. Since then cell phones have become even more ubiquitous, and today most people are never without […]
Language barriers suck. This has always been true, but has been affecting me more than usual in the last few days, so I decided to share a 
short rant with my fellow readers.
So, the house I live in hosts a variety of different people. We have two Greeks, an Italian, a Swiss, a Lebanese, and, of course, an American. It is great to be surrounded by so much diversity and exposed to so many different cultural traditions.
However, when you are surrounded not just by different cultures but also different languages, it can create a lot of awkwardness. In the first instance, one of my Greek housmates had her mother and brother visiting. They invited me to share lunch with them, as well as our other Greek housemate. However, the whole meal they spoke Greek. Now this makes sense because they all speak Greek, and the mother also didn’t speak English well. Honestly, I would have felt bad had they spoken anything other than Greek. But still—I was left there with nothing to contribute to the conversation. It was clear that they felt awkward about excluding me, but really had no choice. I, in turn, had no choice but to awkwardly observe, feeling like I really should be somewhere else.
This scene nearly repeated itself earlier today when I was eating dinner with my friend (the Swiss Buddhist monk) and his two visiting friends from Switzerland. They are all from the French-speaking part of Switzerland so it was natural for them to speak Swiss. However, once again, my single quarter of French back in undergrad wasn’t helping me out much. Realizing I couldn’t contribute to the conversation, they asked me if they should switch to English—if I ‘minded’ that they speak French. Of course I said no, of course I didn’t mind, and they should speak what they are most comfortable with. However, the damage was already done. My presence had made the speaking of French awkward—now, it would seem that by speaking French together (their natural language) they were purposefully excluding me. It was a lose, lose situation.
I fully realize that as an English speaker, I am lucky. Even if it’s not their first language, a huge percentage of the earth has chosen to at least to try to learn it. So, really, for others this type of barrier could be much worse. But still, that begs the question: what is one to do with a language barrier? Is it rude to speak your own language if it excludes others? Or, if you are the excluded one, what should you do? This is not a rhetorical question, any practical advice is appreciated.