A field guide to growing up without growing apart
Does anyone else hate starting a new job? I do, big time. In addition to figuring out how to perform your role, you have to meet a million new people and try to remember their names, figure out where the bathroom, the break room, and […]
I am very content with my life. Other than the fact that I live far away from friends and family, I couldn’t imagine a better life than the one I have. Yay me, right? I sound well-adjusted, happy, and grateful for my blessings, right? Well, […]
You might think job-hunting is hard, and it certainly is, but once someone actually offers you a job you are faced with problems of a different kind. You have to decide to accept the offer the company is giving you. On the surface this might seem like a no-brainer, especially if you have been job-hunting a long time or are desperately in need of work. Then you accept the job, no questions asked. But the details of salary and benefits and your job description are all important, and it can be really tricky to know if you are being offered what you’re worth.
With Aurora and Snow having both recently started new jobs and Ariel starting to think about applying, I figured my friends might have some worthy thoughts on this topic. But it all came to my mind after an enlightening conversation I had this week with my boss (my principal). I had been wondering for a while whether I was being paid a good salary. I mean, it seems good enough to me, but did the person putting together my offer (who at the time was a different principal who no longer works here) take into account my Master’s degree? Did he pick a number out of the sky, or did he go out of his way to be fair? I had no way of knowing, so I decided to ask to see the school’s salary scale, a chart showing how years of experience and levels of education correspond with salaries. Back home, this information for teachers is pretty easy to find on your state’s website, but I had never been shown anything of the kind, either before or after being hired.
So, I asked. And my principal was happy to show me, though early in the conversation it became clear that he himself hadn’t made this salary scale, didn’t fully understand or agree with it, and wasn’t enforcing it. According to the chart, I should have been making about $800 more per month because of my Master’s degree. When I told my principal what I was actually making, he was shocked! He didn’t even know that I had a Master’s degree, but he would have thought I’d be making more regardless. Then he told me about a couple of other teachers who were making less than me but had more years of experience. All around, nothing was making sense.
I concluded that most, if not all, of the teachers at my school are getting underpaid (at least if this chart is to be believed). But some have signed a two year contract, and that locks your salary in for the remainder of the contract. Even then, if you sign on for a third year, you only get a 5% increase. My school is a pretty kooky place, so it doesn’t surprise me that they have a document on file that is supposed to guarantee teachers certain wages, but they are disregarding it entirely. But it still feels like I have been cheated. It certainly does not make me want to sign the two year contract they have been hammering out the details of for months already. But what are the chances of getting anything to change now? It’s not my principal’s call alone—he has to convince the school owners that there is money in the budget for increasing everyone’s salaries…which there probably isn’t. They will likely remind me that I signed an offer letter for the modest, reasonable sum that I am currently making. Why should they change it now?
This brings me back to my original questions about accepting jobs. The person offering you the job seems to have all this power! They determine the numbers, and it’s up to you to accept it or not. Or, is it? I’ve heard of people negotiating these things, but that seems so intimidating when you’re a twenty-something just starting your career. Can we really afford to risk asking for more? But what do we lose in the long run if we settle for less than we’re worth?
My husband encountered something similar in his job as well. After grad school he got two job offers. One was clearly better: a higher salary, more benefits, and it would take us to a more desirable location. He accepted it happily. However, more recently he has learned that his company has pay ranges that are associated with different “grade codes” or levels in the company. Meaning, a new hire with a Master’s degree would be a grade code X, and grade code X’s should make between Y and Z amount. But the problem is, my husband, and all of his colleagues who were hired straight from the local university, were hired at a pay grade lower than Y! Even now, almost three years and several raises later, he is not making the “minimum” for his grade code.
But, he agreed to it, right? It was perfectly good enough for us at the time, so why should we complain? In a sense, we shouldn’t. We are blessed to be in a position where we don’t really need that additional money. But, simultaneously, it irks me to know that a company can just offer you whatever they think you’ll accept, not what you deserve or even what their policies dictate.
So, what do you think? Should we be more discerning when accepting new jobs and try to negotiate a better deal, or just be happy that we’re getting the job in the first place? How can we find the right balance?
Dudes, you want to know something scary? I have started to think about… jobs. It’s a terrifying word, I know. I’ve still got some time but I feel the scariness of job-hunting breathing down my neck; soon it will catch up with me. I […]
It seems like everything always changes on my birthday. In my first year of college my birthday was the day that really solidified my friendship with the naughty princesses and made Seattle seem like home. On my birthday the year after I decided to apply […]
TGIF, because I really needed a weekend. I just finished my first whole week at my two new jobs, and I’m pretty beat. So far most things are going really well with both, but it’s been mentally and physically exhausting adjusting to a new schedule and adapting to my new roles and responsibilities. And I’m really looking forward to getting past the awkward stage of being the new person.
I have always hated starting new jobs. I never know what to expect, and it’s stressful to have to meet so many new people and get a handle on a whole new office/position/organization all at once. In the past, I have had some pretty bad experiences starting new jobs, though all of them turned out fine in the end.
In 2009 I started nannying part-time for a couple of families in Seattle. On my first day with one family, the dad got distracted while talking to me and didn’t see his 10-month-old son leaning precariously over the edge of the porch. The next thing we knew, the poor kid had fallen three feet down onto the concrete. On his head. It wasn’t my fault, of course, but it’s still never fun to show up for your first day of a childcare position and have the child whisked away to the hospital less than an hour into it.
On my first day with a different family, their dog got hit by a car, and I had to rush him to the vet—not exactly the way I envisioned the day going. Even my teaching job last year got off to a bit of a rough start: I had to report to work on about one hour of sleep, since we had just flown in from a vacation the night before at 4 a.m. Like I said, though, things always seem to even out and reach a sense of normalcy eventually…and I’ll be happy when that happens and I’m not the one feeling out of the loop.
My first job, which I go to from 7:30-11 four days a week, is as what the school calls a Shadow Teacher. Essentially, I am a special education aide working specifically with one ninth grade student who suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) about six months ago. He nearly died, and since then has made a ton of progress relearning things like walking and speaking in English and Arabic. I now accompany him to his classes and also work with him one-on-one to improve memory, focus, fine motor skills, etc. It’s new territory for me, but it’s been fun to try things out with him and see him get excited about small steps of progress. This job appeals to the teacher in me, and I love being in a school setting. I’m sure there will be some frustrating and tough days ahead, but this week went great. Fingers crossed.
My other position, which goes from 12:30-5 every day, is as a “communications analyst” for one of the administrative departments at a university. It’s an office job, which I’ve never held before and am not sure I really like. I sit at a desk (think cubicle without high walls), fiddle around on a computer, and help more important people with anything involving writing, editing, proofreading, communication, or design. The main problem I have with this job so far, though, is that I haven’t had enough work to do. I don’t really mind doing kind of tedious work, like reading through long documents, or typing up content, but I HATE feeling like a useless slacker. I was given a few things to do in my first two days, but after that, nothing. And, since my desk and computer are completely out in the open, I can’t just be using the time for Pinterest, Facebook, or YouTube. I have to find something to do that makes it LOOK like I am working, and yet doesn’t drive me out of my mind with boredom. So far some solutions I’ve found are online typing exercises, Excel tutorials, and reading through the novel the other princesses and I wrote. Still, these things don’t take too long, so I still spend a lot of time feeling awkward about my lack of productivity. There’s a lot of people to meet in the office, and I wish I could develop a rapport with them. But I’m hesitant to stop by their desks to chat when they seem like they are actually busy with something, and I am clearly not. Basically, I’m self-conscious and shy in these kinds of situations, and I need to build up the courage to take risks, prove my worth, and build relationships.
Having two jobs at once is great in some ways and crazy in others. I really have to shift gears after lunch everyday when I transition from teacher to office minion. That, not having any naps, and the general stress of starting something new has made me exhausted all week. On Wednesday, I walked in the door after work, said hi to my husband, lay down on the couch, and fell asleep. It’s been that kind of week. But, at least I can now say I’m employed, and at least a bit more productive than I was when I was home alone all day. For now, that’s good enough for me.
This morning was the second time I have sat crying on the bus in the last week. I realize that makes me sound depressing and and unstable, but let me explain the circumstances. As those of you who have been following the blog might know, […]
I’m excited to announce that my days of unemployment are numbered! You may recall that I recently had an interview for an office job. The interview went well, though of course I left the building thinking about all the things I should have mentioned but […]
My first year of marriage was freaking awesome. Seriously, it really seemed like things couldn’t be better. We both had jobs we enjoyed, we had plenty of money, we traveled to more than 12 different countries, and we spent a ridiculous number of hours cuddling. I enjoyed that first year so much that I honestly wondered, will the honeymoon phase ever end? Of course, I know it always does, but I found myself pondering…dreading, really, the day the big reality bomb would explode on our life and make us just another typical married couple.
Lately I have been suspecting that the honeymoon is, in fact, over. First of all, we haven’t had sex in over a week. Note to self, must remedy this tonight! Nothing major has gone wrong, and it’s not like we are at each other’s throats, but something feels different. I think the seeds of discontent I’m sensing stem from our own individual frustrations with life, which we occasionally allow to get in the way of our relationship with each other.
For example, you know that we recently moved because of my hubby’s job. He was super stoked to make the move, and had been delaying it so I could finish out the school year with my students. When we finally did move, we found that we loved our new house and the quaint, quiet, picturesque community we now lived in, but the work situation didn’t live up to expectations. Basically, my husband feels like he isn’t being used to his full potential, and his teammates don’t always trust him with important stuff. Also, a big project he wanted to start got rejected by his boss, which caused a lot of disappointment. He’s even heard negative rumors about himself floating around the office. There are still perks to this new gig—living five minutes from work, wearing jeans instead of dress pants, and not having a boss constantly looking over his shoulder. But, all in all, he’s not as happy here as he thought he would be.
I’m in the same boat; even worse, in fact. Leaving my job was hard because I loved it so much, and the more I look into things at the school we live near now, the less promising it looks. Even though I’ll technically be a certified teacher in a few months, my dinky little one year of experience can hardly compare to the kind of people they usually hire: veteran teachers with 15-20 years of experience and credentials up the wazzoo. I wonder, how long am I willing to wait? It could be years before a suitable position becomes open, and even then, do I stand a chance against the best and brightest teachers of the world? Yes, in some ways I like having the free time that comes with unemployment, but I’m not ready to give up on my career. Now’s the time I should be building my resume and perfecting my skills, not letting them sit around gathering dust.
My husband and I are both relatively powerless in the face of these frustrations. His team’s dynamic isn’t going to change any time soon, and I am at the mercy of school administrators who rarely get around to answering my emails. That feeling of frustration and helplessness is easy to take out on your spouse. He complains about something unfair that happened at work, and I find it hard to truly empathize, when my own helpless situation is always at the forefront of my mind. I try to listen and be supportive, but there are times I just want to say, “Suck it up! It could be so much worse!” I suspect he struggles with something similar when hearing me opine about being unemployed. He suggest things like, “Just keep putting yourself out there,” and “Find something else productive to do.” Yeah, as if I haven’t already considered those ideas. Yes, I know I need to find alternative ways to be a productive citizen. I realize that I can’t always expect the good things in life to fall effortlessly into my lap. I’m working on it.
I know he is too. It’s not like we fight a lot or have really grown apart, but I sense our little dissatisfactions are re-coloring the rosy world we used to live in. I need to stop myself from taking out my problems on him, and force myself to dwell on those wonderful little moments that still make my heart feel like it’s about to burst into a gooey love explosion. Example: the other morning the first thing I heard him say, in that super cute sleepy boy voice he always has early in the morning, was, “In my dream I fell in love with you all over again, and when I woke up I just knew I needed to find you. And then I realized you were in my arms.”
So maybe the honeymoon is over. But in moments like those, it sure feels like it’s going strong. Maybe that’s what real marriage is like, little bits of uncomfortable reality and amazing bliss all mixed together.
This summer has been a whirlwind for me. For most people, summer is a time of relaxation, vacation, and having fun. For me it’s been a time of never ending work, constant emotional breakdowns and financial woes. You may have noticed my decreased presence on […]
Oh Brother. Where, oh where to start. I’ve written here and there about him on this blog already but writing an entire post on my favorite (and only) brother seems ridiculously daunting. He and I go way back, back to when he was born and […]
What’s life without a little give and take? Part of being a twenty-something is having to exchange some of the perks of childhood for the rewards of adult life. So here’s what the Naughty Princesses have to say about what they’ve lost, what they’ve gained, and where they stand since becoming a twenty-something.
When I was in college, like many college students, I relished my increasing freedom and decreasing dependence on my parents. Since then, I’ve gained even more independence, but I’ve sacrificed some in the process, too. In the last year I’ve gone from a real-world newbie, fresh out of school, to a bonafide twenty-something with a husband, a house, a full-time job, and a retirement plan. I’ve also relocated myself 12,000 miles away from my parents, essentially severing the remaining hold they had on me.
Perhaps the biggest change has been my work situation. I now teach high school English full-time, which is actually the job I’ve always wanted to have, the goal I spent my college years relentlessly moving towards. It sounds like a happy ending, and maybe it is, but there’s one thing I have certainly given up in order to get to this place: the freedom to go back, change my mind, erase my plans, and start again.
All the other jobs I ever had were temporary and flexible. Hours could change, my duties could evolve, my salary could increase, and I could always call in sick. Or quit, and find something new. But the career of a teacher is a pretty static one: you do more or less the same job year after year, although your school, subject, and students might change. Even though the pay is crap, this is a real job, and real jobs have real responsibilities attached. I don’t call in sick, because planning a lesson for a sub would only create more work for me, and wouldn’t do my students any good. And now that I’m in the process of investing thousands of dollars into a Master’s degree in Education, well, let’s just say I’ve sunk my roots. I’m a teacher, and that’s going to be part of my identity for a long time. I no longer have the freedom to change my major, my job, or my career, at the drop of a hat.
Yes, being in your twenties is often about struggling to find that job, that spouse, or that much-needed life direction, but it’s also the decade when a lot of us finally do find those things we’ve been looking for. So what do we do then?
–Cinderslut
I have been thinking about this question a lot this last week. There are a lot of things I could say, but the most important answer is also the most mundane. What I miss most about childhood- or even young-adulthood- is the idea that whatever happens, whatever sort of mess you get into, someone can get you out. When you are young, other people carry the real burdens for you: they pay the rent, make the food, and figure out the big questions. If you are a teenager and you go over your phone bill, someone else will pay it. If your car breaks down on a back road, someone will come and pick you up.
When you are an adult you have to do those things yourself and if something goes wrong, well, you better try and fix it yourself. This sort of independence, the idea that you and only you are responsible for yourself and your welfare, first hit me hard when I was a sophomore in undergrad. That summer I went on a study abroad trip to Russia for ten weeks. The first part of this epic adventure was an international flight, by myself. Through a series of unfortunate and fortunate events (which I hope to elaborate on in a future post, since it is one heck of a good story), I had somehow lost my nice airline ticket on Finair and had to fly a sketchy route with a stop over in Moscow before transferring to St. Petersburg. Have you ever been to the Moscow airport? No? Don’t go! Ever! Definitely the dirtiest, scariest, most stress-inducing airport I have ever encountered. While I was there, I had to figure out how to get around Moscow on a public bus (don’t ask why), I had to change money, had taxi men try to cheat me, and people, instead of helping me, lie directly to my face—all, 100%, in Russian because no one at the Moscow International Airport seemed to speak any English at all.
It was an incredibly stressful experience; one of the most stressful in my whole life. But in a way it was also a coming of age experience, because there, in that moment, I had to rely on myself. My mother was across the globe- thousands of miles away- and I couldn’t even call her; and if I did, what could she do? Nope, I was on my own, trying to get to my next flight all in one piece, and if I did something wrong no one would be there to bail me out. This was a real moment of adulthood for me.
So what is the upside to this story? Well, I guess, for me, it was that I did make it through—it was a long torturous, stressful journey but I did it. So that is what adulthood means to me, knowing that when disaster strikes and no one’s there to help, you can rise to the occasion and take care of yourself.
–The Little Merskank
I don’t really feel like I’ve had to give up that much going into adulthood. Maybe, since the growing up process is constantly happening in the background, I haven’t noticed drastic changes. And maybe, just maybe, I have a crazy energetic personality, so I will always still feel like a kid in some respects. But there is one thing that my adult life does not have, that I think back on fondly, and wish for with fervent hope. And that is a three month summer vacation. In my mind that was always the best part of being in school. Sure you had to work hard and do many essays and activities that seemed rather pointless, but you just had to make it to June and then you got three glorious months of vacation. Now I know that if I were a teacher like Cinderslut, I would still get that vacation, but barring that job, no other real job in the adult world gives you that wondrous vacation. And I miss that. I understand, three months is a long time, but how about one month? Even that would be amazing. I feel like most adults would appreciate that time, and it would probably cut way back on the number of people who pull their hair out and go insane from working all the time. It should be a law required to sustain our mental health. The Europeans get a lot of vacation time, and they still seem to get things done, so I don’t know why we can’t have that here in America. But since that isn’t how it we do it, I will simply continue to mourn that part of being a child.
–Snow Whore
Adult? I’m not sure I feel quite there yet (though while holding my cousin’s new baby last week I realized that I do actually want to have children someday. For a while there I had myself convinced I’d be happy growing old as the cool aunt to the children of my friends… NOT the case.) Adult to me means having a permanent address, a committed significant other, or any sort of planned future at all. It means car payments and baby sitters, careers and Garden Club meetings. Right now I don’t have any of that, and if I ever did they’ve all been surrendered since moving back in with my parents.
Besides exchanging school for work, it seems like my freedoms and responsibilities haven’t much changed over the last 10 years. I still work hard to impress my family, still feel supported in most everything I suggest. Still get reprimanded for watching TV, still take the time to tease my brother. Still don’t pay for toilet paper and still don’t have a curfew (my mother told me to have “at least two beers and connect with at least three boys” as I left for my friend’s Monday night kegger party last week). The only things I can think of that have actually changed in the last 10 years are being able vote, drink, and drive (though usually not all at once).
So what have I gained? What do I miss? Maybe I’ve gained perspective, strength, intelligence? Maybe I miss my teenage range of emotions, indestructible metabolism, ability to sneak through small spaces? Maybe I just haven’t become enough of an adult to have figured this out yet.
Here is the bottom line, every day for the last ten years I’ve had to trade in one future day for one past day. And as much as it sucks and scares me and messes with my head to see those accounts exchange, yes, it is worth it. Because what is the point of saving your future days if you’re never going to use them?
–Sleeping Booty