A field guide to growing up without growing apart
The twenty-something condition. It all seems to come back to that—as much as we enjoy blogging about anything and everything here, the posts that resonate with me the most, and the real inspiration behind this blog, are the questions about growing up. The transition from […]
I am very content with my life. Other than the fact that I live far away from friends and family, I couldn’t imagine a better life than the one I have. Yay me, right? I sound well-adjusted, happy, and grateful for my blessings, right? Well, […]
You might think job-hunting is hard, and it certainly is, but once someone actually offers you a job you are faced with problems of a different kind. You have to decide to accept the offer the company is giving you. On the surface this might seem like a no-brainer, especially if you have been job-hunting a long time or are desperately in need of work. Then you accept the job, no questions asked. But the details of salary and benefits and your job description are all important, and it can be really tricky to know if you are being offered what you’re worth.
With Aurora and Snow having both recently started new jobs and Ariel starting to think about applying, I figured my friends might have some worthy thoughts on this topic. But it all came to my mind after an enlightening conversation I had this week with my boss (my principal). I had been wondering for a while whether I was being paid a good salary. I mean, it seems good enough to me, but did the person putting together my offer (who at the time was a different principal who no longer works here) take into account my Master’s degree? Did he pick a number out of the sky, or did he go out of his way to be fair? I had no way of knowing, so I decided to ask to see the school’s salary scale, a chart showing how years of experience and levels of education correspond with salaries. Back home, this information for teachers is pretty easy to find on your state’s website, but I had never been shown anything of the kind, either before or after being hired.
So, I asked. And my principal was happy to show me, though early in the conversation it became clear that he himself hadn’t made this salary scale, didn’t fully understand or agree with it, and wasn’t enforcing it. According to the chart, I should have been making about $800 more per month because of my Master’s degree. When I told my principal what I was actually making, he was shocked! He didn’t even know that I had a Master’s degree, but he would have thought I’d be making more regardless. Then he told me about a couple of other teachers who were making less than me but had more years of experience. All around, nothing was making sense.
I concluded that most, if not all, of the teachers at my school are getting underpaid (at least if this chart is to be believed). But some have signed a two year contract, and that locks your salary in for the remainder of the contract. Even then, if you sign on for a third year, you only get a 5% increase. My school is a pretty kooky place, so it doesn’t surprise me that they have a document on file that is supposed to guarantee teachers certain wages, but they are disregarding it entirely. But it still feels like I have been cheated. It certainly does not make me want to sign the two year contract they have been hammering out the details of for months already. But what are the chances of getting anything to change now? It’s not my principal’s call alone—he has to convince the school owners that there is money in the budget for increasing everyone’s salaries…which there probably isn’t. They will likely remind me that I signed an offer letter for the modest, reasonable sum that I am currently making. Why should they change it now?
This brings me back to my original questions about accepting jobs. The person offering you the job seems to have all this power! They determine the numbers, and it’s up to you to accept it or not. Or, is it? I’ve heard of people negotiating these things, but that seems so intimidating when you’re a twenty-something just starting your career. Can we really afford to risk asking for more? But what do we lose in the long run if we settle for less than we’re worth?
My husband encountered something similar in his job as well. After grad school he got two job offers. One was clearly better: a higher salary, more benefits, and it would take us to a more desirable location. He accepted it happily. However, more recently he has learned that his company has pay ranges that are associated with different “grade codes” or levels in the company. Meaning, a new hire with a Master’s degree would be a grade code X, and grade code X’s should make between Y and Z amount. But the problem is, my husband, and all of his colleagues who were hired straight from the local university, were hired at a pay grade lower than Y! Even now, almost three years and several raises later, he is not making the “minimum” for his grade code.
But, he agreed to it, right? It was perfectly good enough for us at the time, so why should we complain? In a sense, we shouldn’t. We are blessed to be in a position where we don’t really need that additional money. But, simultaneously, it irks me to know that a company can just offer you whatever they think you’ll accept, not what you deserve or even what their policies dictate.
So, what do you think? Should we be more discerning when accepting new jobs and try to negotiate a better deal, or just be happy that we’re getting the job in the first place? How can we find the right balance?
I never, EVER imagined myself living outside the United States. But, life is full of surprises. I have now been living in the Middle East for going on 3 years, and I have come to love, love, love the expat life. And, since the primary […]
Where to begin. I know that I have been pretty absent from this blog lately. I don’t really have an excuse other than living my life and trying to have as many experiences as I can while simultaneously trying to stave off the twenty something […]
A couple of months ago I mentioned that my husband wanted us to buy a house, but that this gargantuan, adult-sized task was freaking me out. Whelp…as of last month we are officially home-owners! The fact that I went from quaking in my boots at the thought of a mortgage to signing the final papers in 10 weeks is pretty crazy. The process felt overwhelming, stressful, tedious, ill-advised, and fun, all at different points, but somehow we made it through, signed away half our life savings, and now own a 900-square foot condo 15 minutes north of Seattle, WA. Here’s how it went down:
Early on in my stateside student-teaching stint (alliteration, yay!) my husband started throwing out the idea of me “finding us a house to buy.” He was right that we needed to invest our money in something other than his work retirement accounts, and I knew this was the best opportunity we’d have for years to come, as we are never in the U.S. for more than three consecutive weeks, and there I was with 4+ months stretching in front of me. The housing market was heating up fast, so anything we bought would likely increase in value, at least some. But the idea of being the point-person, the one touring the homes and making the calls and signing the papers, was absolutely daunting. How could I, knowing next to nothing about real estate, lead us in this endeavor? I freaked out for a few weeks, but the idea kept coming up in our conversations, and I knew it wasn’t a terrible plan. I also knew that though it would be scary, I would learn a lot through the process. In my heart, I didn’t want to shy away from this just because it was a commitment, a risk, and a big question mark. So, I went for it.
My first step was to send a rambling email to one of my friends, who also happens to be a mortgage loan officer. I explained how we wanted to get into the market, but how I had all these questions and fears and I didn’t know what I was doing. She calmed me down, outlined a few of the steps I needed to take, and generally talked me off the ledge I was on. I needed someone else to reassure me that it was a smart plan, and she provided that. I also reached out via a church-based social-networking site to find a couple of real estate agents. I corresponded with them for a few days and discussed what the market was like and what kinds of properties I should look at. Ultimately, though, I decided to work with another realtor who had been referred to me by one of my husband’s aunts.
My realtor, Fred, also did a great job of answering questions and making the process easy. We sent links to properties back and forth and discussed price ranges until I felt like I knew what I was looking for. This part of the process was great because I could just send an email whenever a question popped into my mind and Fred would answer it or refer me to someone who could answer it. I never felt like an idiot, either, which was pretty amazing. At the same time, my husband and I also gathered up the required documents to get pre-approved by my friend’s mortgage company. This was pretty easy too—we just sent in copies of our tax returns, recent pay stubs, etc, and they pre-approved us, meaning that we had a definite price range we knew we could get a loan for.
Even though I thought I knew what we wanted, when I actually started visiting properties I got super confused. Fred took me to 6 different places over two different weekends, and I dragged my father-in-law along for moral support and advice. All of the places we looked at were condos; since they’re cheaper than houses, we felt like we could afford a nicer place than we would have been able to in an actual house, yet it could rent for just as much or more. Each condo had its pros and cons, but it wasn’t until I expanded my horizons a bit and looked outside of the city of Seattle itself that I started to hone in on the right one.
It was hard to choose, because all the properties had great things about them, and it was impossible to discern which one would really hold its value the best. You can’t know what hidden problems a property might have or what costs will jump out of nowhere. With condos, we also had to consider what utilities were included, what common features it had that might add to its value, what the monthly dues were, and how well the Homeowner’s Association was being run. At times, I was so conflicted I wanted to give up altogether.
But, eventually my obsessive browsing of real estate sites like Redfin turned up an interesting find. It was a great price–$50,000-$100,000 cheaper than some of the condos in Seattle we had looked at, had two bedrooms and 1.5 baths (very rentable!), a pool, and HOA dues within a reasonable range. I visited it during my second round of tours with Fred, and I liked it just as much as I had just from looking at the photos online. Compared to the other condos we looked at that day, it was clearly the best value, and I knew it would get snapped up fast.
We took the plunge and made an offer, $10,000 lower than what they were asking. They countered with $2000 lower than asking. While we had hoped for a screaming deal, we couldn’t deny that it was probably worth that price, and we didn’t want to lose it, so we agreed. This was all fairly easy and painless—we just communicated with Fred via email and he talked to the seller. When there were papers to sign, my husband and I could both do so online. Easy-peasy.
With our offer accepted, the sale was officially “pending,” and I announced to a few friends that we were buying a home. Then began the weeks-long process of actually getting it to close. It turns out that actually getting your loan approved is a much more arduous process than getting pre-approved. We had to submit a whole bunch of other documents, including a few signed letters explaining dumb things, like why I had my parents’ address listed on one of my old tax returns (because I lived there, duh?). At times it seemed like the mortgage people were just trying to annoy us. When my husband had to write a letter explaining why his company sometimes deposited extra money in his account aside from his paycheck (as compensation for travel expenses, nothing sketchy at all!) he was actually pretty peeved, feeling like it was somehow personal, like they didn’t trust his verbal explanation. I talked to my parents about this, and they had similar stories from when they had bought their house. It doesn’t always make sense, but the lenders always want to cover ALL the bases, and then cover them again. Some of the documents we had to wait, and wait, and wait, to get from the condo’s HOA itself. In the meantime we had to pay for a $250 inspection, a $675 appraisal, and pay $1500 in “earnest money.”
My husband being in Saudi Arabia was an additional complication, obviously. He could sign a lot of the forms online, or print, sign, scan, and email them back. But for the actual signing to buy the house we needed to set up a power of attorney so I could sign for him. This required him to take a trip into the nearest big city to visit the U.S. Consulate and get the POA notarized. Then he had to pay to FedEx those documents back to the mortgage place.
Finally the day arrived when I actually got to sign the papers. And believe me, there were SO many papers. It took me over an hour to sign all of them, partially because I also had to sign for my hubby as well on each and every one. Needless to say, there was no time to actually read all the fine print…so I hope I didn’t sign away my soul in the process. But hey—we were homeowners!
Then the work of being a homeowner began: I had to find a property manager to take care of it for us while we were overseas, steam-clean the carpets, repaint the entry, have a few minor repairs done, and find homeowners’ insurance. We waited for a month before our property manager found us tenants, but as of now we have the place successfully rented out, and we have started receiving rent money from them. The process was stressful and humbling, but it taught me a lot. I still don’t entirely understand real estate and escrow and insurance and all the things that go along with this kind of major purchase, but I’m a lot closer than I was at the start. Furthermore, I’m proud that I stuck with it and took a risk; I don’t know how the investment will pan out in the long term, but I’m excited to find out. Even in the worst-case scenario, I know we’re still young and won’t be bankrupted forever by one bad investment.
To me, buying a house was even more formidable than getting married, and more hassle than moving to the Middle East. But I didn’t give up on it, and I’m glad to be on the other side now, yet another adult milestone achieved. I’ll let you know how it goes!
Something I’ve learned about marriage in the last two years is that two becoming one isn’t always the blissful, intimate, romantic idea that the pastor talks about on your wedding day. Actually, life was a little simpler when I was…one. Solo. The challenge of combining […]
I’m just going to come right out and say it. I’m poor. My husband and I don’t really have extra money. What we have saved up is probably what most middle class couples would spend on a weekend getaway. We drive a beat up truck […]
Recently Snow Whore shared her Murtaugh List—the things she’s outgrown and can’t be bothered with as a twenty-something. I loved her post, and it inspired me to respond: here’s my list of things I’m simply too young to be doing, yet, somehow I am.
You may remember that I’m in a bit of an odd situation right now, living at home with my parents for a 5-month stint while wrapping up my Master’s degree and student teaching at my former high school. With my husband thousands of
miles away in Saudi Arabia, and my friend group mostly scattered and out of reach on a daily basis, I’ve developed some odd past-times, which brings us to #1 and #2:
1. I am too young to spend my Friday nights watching Jeopardy. My little brother and I are both long-time fans of the show, and we’ve taken to watching it quite frequently, especially on Friday nights. I can’t tell you how relaxing it is to sit back and listen to Alex Trebek’s voice while answering trivia questions. I honestly enjoy it quite a bit, but inside I cringe a little, knowing that I have exchanged my fellow twenty-somethings, sleepovers, bars, and night-life in general for quality time with my nerdy little brother and a 73-year old game show host.
2. I am too young to do embroidery. That’s right, oddly enough since returning home I’ve rekindled an interest in a hobby I dabbled in as a pre-teen: cross-stitch. I’m currently in the process of cross-stitching a sweater for my mother-in-law, and it’s honestly one of my favorite things to do, even though it kills my eyes after a while, prompting me to reach for my MAGNIFYING GLASS NECKLACE. Literally, it’s a big plastic magnifier that grannies wear around their necks for use while working on crafts like this. I may be proud of my crafting efforts, but it was still a low moment when I spent five minutes squinting and trying to thread my needle, thinking to myself, “Am I going blind?”
Geriatric hobbies aside, there are a few other things in my life that have me feeling a tad panicky, like a kid being prodded in the door to the first day of Kindergarten who desperately wants to go home and take a nap with her security blanket. Adulthood is on me, a full-blown case of it, despite the fact that I currently live with my parents. And adulthood brings with it wonderful things, like the trip to the gynecologist I’ve been avoiding for years.
3. I am too young to be okay with people sticking instruments and hands up my vagina. Well, technically I am not too young for this kind of doctor’s appointment, since I’ve been overdue for this checkup for a while. But still, even though I was kind of impressed when the doctor said, “Your ovaries feel great,” that doesn’t mean I wasn’t wishing I was just there for a quick tune-up, not the deluxe lube service. The good news is, I apparently don’t have cervical cancer. So, worth it? Thank-god I’m not due for another one for another three years…maybe I’ll feel old enough by then.
While I was at the gyno she asked me if I was planning a pregnancy any time soon. I said no. But that’s another thing that has to be included on the list of things I’m too young for.
4. I am too young to procreate. I am currently attending a small group in which all the other women have kids or are currently pregnant. It’s fine, but I always leave the discussions secretly glad that I’m still childless and free. Sure, there are times when having a baby sounds great, but most of the time I still feel too young. Because, shoot, when you have kids of your own, that’s got to make you feel old.
My husband has a “real job,” and hopefully one day soon I will too. Like one that actually pays me! But real jobs require retirement accounts, taxes, investments, and all kinds of stuff I don’t really want to think about, even if I know it is important, which leads me to my last point:
5. I am too young to buy a house. Recently my husband charged me with the task of researching the housing market and “finding us a house to buy.” We’ve been wanting to invest and do something more with our money that letting it sit in the bank, where it inevitably loses value. And everyone keeps saying that “now is a great 
time to buy!” But I feel utterly unprepared for this task. The idea of owning an asset worth so much money is really daunting. I have a list of questions a mile long. I know the only way to become more informed is to actually do that research, but the kid in me just wants to turn the other way and put this step off for another 5 years.
And did I mention that I observe a strict 9:00 bed time? Yep, I’m feeling old, despite the fact that as a 25-year old I should be in the prime of my life. I guess I can only hope that when I really am an old granny, I’ll be able to tap back into my inner twenty-something.
So, money. Necessary for so many things in life, but almost always a source of stress and consternation, no matter how much you have. Managing your money or lack thereof is a central part of being in your twenties, so this month the Princesses weighed […]
My husband and I are in a bit of a rough spot. About a month ago he lost his job. We had a bit of money saved up, so we will be ok as long as he isn’t without work for a long time. But, it just sucks because the reason we were saving up this money was to move into a different apartment. As you may remember from previous posts, our current apartment has had a few issues and we just really want to move on.
However, suddenly having one less income puts a huge damper on our plan. Now, we were looking at places that were only 100-200 dollars more expensive than our current residence, but we all know that unfortunately, that is not the only cost of moving. And actually, all of the added costs frustrate me a lot. You can’t just give them rent and a damage deposit and have everything be fine and dandy. Oh no, it’s first and last months rent, a non-refundable damage deposit, plus another deposit that sometimes equals what the rent is. Suddenly I’m looking at putting down 3500 dollars just to move into a place. And we just don’t have that kind of money right now.
But of course, my husband still wants to look at apartments. And I understand because I want to move too. But the only scenario I see working out is a place that is around the same price we’re paying now, and only makes you put a few hundred dollars deposit down and nothing else. And that doesn’t really exist. But we go to these places and my husband tells me how it could work out, we could do it, I’ll probably have a job by then. But we can’t afford to live in the world of “what might happen.” We have to live in the world of the here and now where we have only one income, and can’t afford much. I end up having to constantly be the sensible one, and I hate it because I have to have the same argument with him over and over. Eventually, I can make him understand the reality of the situation, but I have to fight to do it each time, and I’m getting tired. I would love to move, but the more places we visit, the more I feel like it is a fleeting dream. And I’ve accepted that, but I’m not so sure my husband has. He keeps thinking we can do it, but doing it would mean wiping out our bank account almost entirely. And that to me is not a good idea considering we don’t know when he will be working again. Sometimes being the sensible one sucks.