A field guide to growing up without growing apart
As 20somethings we’re no strangers to failure, often finding ourselves paralyzed by indecision or blinded by ambition. We cringe daily at what we didn’t do and what we haven’t become, what we said and what we believed and yet, as much as we stumble we […]
Hey! So it’s that time of the month again! Our favorite time, the Condition of the Month! Well this month the princesses were given the task of all writing a piece of poetry for the blog. This was supposed to be about the season […]
The idea of a Bucket list has never really appealed to me. It seems like making a list of things to do before you die is so definitive and constricting. What happens if you die without completing it? What happens if you complete it and still don’t feel finished? What happens if you grow up a little and realize that skydiving isn’t actually a real thing you want to spend your money on? The whole things just seems negative, like a weird competition that you can never win. And isn’t completing a list something we should always be actively working towards? If I write down that I… want to go to Africa, then shouldn’t I start saving up money now and looking at plane tickets and talking to people and working to make it happen? Lists are things worth striving for, and promising yourself that you’ll do things is just too much.
All that being said, tomorrow I’m about to complete something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time. On Monday morning I catch a flight back to the USA from Dublin, my last stop on a 5 month tour of Europe, and the end of a lifelong dream will come true.
This trip has been crazy, filled with ups and downs, friends and strangers, cities and landscapes, and it’s completely surreal to think that in a little over 24 hours I’ll be done. I don’t know quite how to process it, because, really, what happens after a dream comes true?
And it wasn’t really just one dream that came true either. I got to do tons of things I’ve hoped to do my entire life. I got to travel alone, visit Stonehenge, watch a show at the Globe, go to Denmark, cheer a friend’s ski race in the World Cup, see a band I love play to a crowd that doesn’t speak English. And while I don’t really feel like I’ve checked these things on my list, I do feel like I’ve added them. I want to do them again, do them in different ways, do things that make me feel as good as they did. Doesn’t it make more sense to add things to a list of happiness than to cross things off of a list of death?!
But the argument for making goals and working to make them happen must still be worth something, even if the idea of a bucket list is problematic. On an overnight train a few months ago I met a woman who was on her way home from a Dixie Chicks concert that she’d saved and planned for since 2001. As we talked she explained that she’d left her child and husband at home for the weekend and purposely chose to see this concert alone, so she could better live in the moment without worrying whether her friend or husband was enjoying it as much a she was. By going to see her favorite band play she’d completed a tiny goal she’d had for a while, and it was moving to listen to her tell me that life is about little moments like that, where you find something worthwhile and make it happen. She said she was excited to think of a new one now, that having something to work towards makes the rest of life so much more beautiful.
I have no plan or idea what comes next in my life. I’ll arrive in the states tomorrow and move back in with my parents, jobless and exhausted. But I’ll have completed a life long dream, and really for all the plans and goals and lists, all that matters is how I feel right now. And you know what, I feel happy.
GUYS! WHEN DID JUNE HAPPEN?! I feel like I always say this but, seriously, has spring gone by too fast for anyone else? Now that June is here and my Grand Euro Adventure is coming to a close I’m really feeling the pressure of heading […]
So about a year ago when I was planning this whole travel through Europe adventure, I invited everyone I talked with to come along. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. In normal, everyday life this over invite plan works out well since half […]
Hey there blogging world! It’s been a long time! I feel bad to have left you all hanging so long there’s just been lots of stuff happening! First, Sleeping Booty was here visiting me—for the first time ever—and we were basically having a great time and getting up to all sorts of mischief. Since then, however, it’s been back to work and trying to get this next chapter of my dissertation sorted before the end of term (also, sorted here is euphemism for ‘have-anything-about-it-figured-out-at-all’). Now probably to a lot of you this sounds tedious (ugh, school work!). But really, it’s pretty epic.
Basically, for the last 2 months I have been reading about Old English charms—and let me tell, that’s some weird stuff. First, there are elves–Every nerd’s dream, right? But sadly I have to tell you that these creatures probably have very little in common with Arwen and Galadriel. We are talking here about disease causing beings here… you probably don’t want to run into one.
Also, there are magic words. You know ‘abracadabra’ ? Well, I always thought that stuff was made up, but apparently abracadabra is common in medieval Jewish remedies for fever! And even found it’s way into Anglo-Saxon England. Yesterday I read this phrase: ‘Abra Alabara Galabra’. Sound familiar? There are also other magical-type formulas like abracadabra with other repeating nonsense sounds. Who knew?
The other thing that is cool about these charms is that they often contain text from several languages including Old English (of course), Latin, Greek, and Old Irish. Sometimes they even have corrupted Hebrew words. This means that when scholars are trying to figure out what these sometimes very obscure texts say, hypotheses run from verb forms in Old Saxon to the names of angles in gnostic texts in Coptic. Really it’s anyone’s guess and often no really knows for sure.
But yeah… so this is how I have been spending my time recently. Reading these crazy texts that are sometimes beyond confusing but whose very insolvability makes them interesting. And then, the next step beyond that, is thinking about the world that made them and what context they fit in there. How did Hebrew phrases like Abracadabra find their way into England? Given the intellectual structures in Anglo-Saxon England they probably were written down by a monk or a cleric—was that the type of person who was practicing them? Would these ‘charms’ that nine times out of ten include prayers and mention the names of the Biblical figures or saints have been considered witchcraft by the church?
When I am able to answer a few of these questions I’ll finally have a chapter outline. But for now, I just want to say that being a graduate student is the best: relaxing in the library… reading weird stuff… thinking about elves…
It’s my birthday! And Cindy’s birthday! And we’re turning 25. Holy. Crap. This time last year Cindy wrote a beautiful ode to our twinship, explaining how learning of our shared birthday has become such an important part of our lives since. This year I wanted […]
OUR QUARTER LIFE CRISIS IS HERE! In the spirit of me and Cindy turning 25 in a few days, I’ve asked the girls to discuss their Quarter Life Crisis for November’s Condition of The Month. Maybe it has to do with Thanksgiving gratefulness, or maybe […]
So this one time I spent 21 days with 10 other people river rafting the Grand Canyon and it was epic.
Long story shortish: Due to the 17 day government shutdown all the National Parks were closed and all hikers, visitor center people, bikers and river rafters were not allowed to enter. Those with permits that were already in by 12:01 am on October 1, 2013 got to stay in but day or weekend hikers and campers and hotel stayers were all rounded up and kicked out. The state of Arizona stepped in on October 13th and paid to reopen parts of the park but river trips were not included, leaving over 21 groups of 15 or so people with $20,000+ of wasted money and 5 times as much time spent preparing for nothing.
Our boats were in the water on September 30th so we were the LAST group on the river for the 17 days the canyon was closed. This is unheard of in one of the most sought after rivers in the world, especially since we were warned that battling other groups for the best campsites would dominate our trip. We had beautiful waterfalls and pristine stream hikes all to ourselves and we didn’t see a soul other than our group members (and two illegal backpackers) for the last 9 days of the trip. Two days we didn’t even get on our boats at all, choosing to lounge at our campsite and go on a long hike just because there was no rush. It was absolute bliss, and it is crazy to think that a mere matter of hours separated us from the ultimate adventure experience and not having one at all.
I don’t know how to talk about it really. How do you explain a trip that you feel so guilty for being allowed to take but still so grateful for anyway? How do you talk about something that was so incredible and also just another part of your daily life? How do I really want to remember it?
The days got shorter as we went, leaving us with 7am mornings followed by 8pm bed times. We’d get up and mill around the stove sipping coffee until 8 or so and then pack up the tents and kitchen onto our boats. The hours spent on the river varied from large foreboding rapids to lazy floats in the sunshine, often worrying more about tan lines than throw ropes.
Around noon we’d stop for lunch at an appealing beach or overhang, rolling out the table and emptying the dry box and cooler of the planned meal, milling about like birds because taking the chairs off the boats was too much work for a lunch stop. Some days we’d pull over for a waterfall hike or to explore a slot canyon for a few hours, returning to our boats to float another few miles before settling on a camp that looked good.
We usually arrived around 4pm, pulling our 4 boats up next to each other and beginning the process of unloading the boats and setting up the kitchen. By 5pm we usually had cocktails in our hands, facilitating conversation and making the wait for dinner pass quickly. Each trip member was in charge of two nights of dinners and we all rotated with dishes, though inevitably certain people were more proactive than others. Some nights we’d sing songs around the guitar and other nights we’d just watch the stars come out, repeating serene exclamations of wow and holy shit to each other as we drifted off to our tents or cots.
It was a wonderful trip, full of adventure and relaxation, hard work and easy laughter. Our group got along well (mostly – there were about 18 days in the middle where I avoided one guy. Some people just don’t click) and we were lucky not to have any major boat flips or injuries. We couldn’t have asked for a better trip or imagined a more wonderful outcome.
Yesterday, talking to my dad about the adventure, I mentioned that I wasn’t sure I’d want to say yes if I ever got the chance to take this trip again. These circumstances were so unique and perfect and amazing that I wasn’t sure anything would ever compare. It would suck to attempt to recreate an experience and have no chance of coming close.
Instead of answering he told me about his brother’s trip a few years ago and how it had rained so much in the days leading up to it that the water level was twice as high as usual, making rapids that we didn’t even stop to look at much, much more dangerous and exciting. With that story I was reminded that every experience is different and worthwhile; we never seek to recreate the past, only use those moments of familiarity to heighten the present.
This trip was once in a life time for a hundred reasons, but the things I choose to do in the future will be even more unique and wonderful in a hundred other ways. At least I hope so.
Hey there Princesses, I’m alive! And hello there to all you readers of our little blog that helps us 20-somethings stay in touch! It feels like our audience has doubled in the last few weeks I’ve been off the grid and though we get little […]
Sorry that you haven’t heard from me for a while. I’ve been pretty busy. First I had to move out of my house in Oxford (sayonara roommate problems!). I am just moving across town– I’ll tell you more about my new place after I move […]
Well hello there blog world! I don’t have much time this week since I’m packing for a rafting trip this weekend (heading down to Cataract Canyon in Moab for four days of river bliss) but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you!
The last few weeks I’ve been in craft mode overdrive, making not one but three scrapbooks, sewing seven pillowcases (out of a sheet from tjmax), and submitting my quilt to both my county and state fairs. I even designed (and launched) a new blog, transcribed all my fading letters into digital word documents, proofread the second novel I wrote with my fellow naughty princesses and finally got rolling on compiling the hours of video footage I’ve saved from college. It has been AWESOME accomplishing so many things on my to do list, so much so that I’m slightly worried about putting all of this progress on hold while I prep for (and TAKE) my Grand Canyon adventure in the coming weeks.
We have a lot to do in the short amount of time before October 1st. There are boats to gear up, coolers to freeze, booze to buy, arms to strengthen, wetsuits to try on, and a hundred of other little things to think about (we’re going to be living off a boat for 21 days – little things like drinking water and toilets become a big deal). And as excited as I am for all that, I can’t help but be a little bummed to be stopping short of crossing off my entire list.
Until now this year has seemed indefinite, a much needed break from worrying about my future to just focus on saving money and trimming loose ends from the past. But as of September first I’ve started feeling the pressure of the future again, my real life beginning to loom in the distance. It’s exciting, and I can’t wait to start living it, but at the same time I’m not sure I’m quite ready to leave these projects unfinished.
My next two months are booked solid and November and December won’t be empty either; I already have a trip to Tucson set and trips to Denver and Seattle almost locked down. I have friends coming to stay for Thanksgiving and a Fantastic Europe Adventure coming in February to start REALLY PLANNING for. Time is going fast and I’m starting to worry that I won’t finish all the things I wanted to do this year. What if I start the next chapter of my life still tied down by things from before? What if when I’m there I’ll be wishing I’d had a few more months here?
I still have at least four scrapbooks to make from college alone, not to mention all the memories I need to go through and organize from my pre-college life. I have old music videos to edit, our novel to publish (if we manage to do it digitally we’ll definitely let you know) and there is also this little matter of finishing up THE letter (which btw has turned into more of a novella – clocking in at around 150 pages right now and I’d say is about 75% done… I know this last push is going to be the hardest though, because while I know I’ve already worked through most of the hard stuff, saying goodbye to something I’ve cared about for going on six years isn’t easy). With so much left to do, will I ever really finish?
It’s all good though, because how can I really complain about all the awesome projects I might not get to do because my life is too awesome to have time for them? I’m happy, and being busy is all I can ask for, especially when it’s the kind of busy that I know is taking me places I want to be.