A field guide to growing up without growing apart
Why hello there dearest friends, long time no see! I know it’s only been two weeks but doesn’t it feel like more? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore! So much has changed! Dare I say we live in a Whole New World?! Okay, […]
Wow. Where to start… The last week has been insanely hard on me. My feet are covered in blisters, I can barely keep my eyes open, and there were moments where I felt so inconsequential it was heart breaking. But this week was also incredible; […]
Hello! This week’s post is going to be short and sweet (a rarity for me…), since I’m fresh off a fantastic weekend with our favorite Merskank and I’m flat out exhausted. It was WONDERFUL to have a fellow princess come stay (especially one who suggests cross country ski mountain adventures) and I can’t begin to explain how nice it was to have another 20-something in the house.
As much as I love my parents and my recent quilting endeavor, it was good to be reminded how essential it is to be around good friends. The last time I saw any of the Naughty Princesses in person was Snow Whore’s wedding in September. It was a bitter sweet time, wishing my friend the best of luck with her prince and then watching the four of us jet off to our 4 different corners of the world. Seeing Merskank again brought up all those old mannerisms, college memories and Trivial Pursuit board games that just can’t really happen over Skype, the phone or Facebook.
I have friends here in Utah. Best friends. People I’ve known since high school, middle school and even before elementary. But ever since I’ve been back it has felt a little bit like work to see them. Once we’re together we always have fun, but getting out the door is harder than I’d like it to be. I’ve been telling myself it’s because this time in my life is a break, a time to regroup and figure out what I want and who I want to be. But I know I could do that and still meet people I love at a bar on Friday night. So why do I do the bare minimum to maintain friendships that I would never forgive myself for losing?
Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid to make the transition from long-distance friends to in-person ones. I’m afraid I’ll drift away from my Seattle life or that I’ll get too attached to Utah life. I’m afraid that I’ll miss out on this chance to spend real time with my family, or that my job will get to be too time consuming. I’m afraid that these renewed in-person friendships with long-distance friends won’t actually be as good as before; I’m afraid that I’ll meet more people who I’ll have to miss if I go.
But I don’t want to be afraid. Seeing Merskank reminded me of what I had in Seattle, close friends who were effortless to be around and always up for an adventure. Wandering with her around my new, old home, she showed me that I can have all that in-person friendship here too, albeit with different people. So as of today (well maybe tomorrow. SLEEP.) I’m going to really work on letting go of fear. Just because I might move in the next 6 months doesn’t mean I can’t make some really good memories in the meantime. Now is the best moment of my life and I know relationships are worth eventually having to say goodbye.
I’m just going to come right out and say it. I was my parents’ DD last night. Yup, you read that right, DD as in Designated Driver (Sober Soldier, Chaste Chauffeur, Timid Transporter, Glum Guide, Boring Betsy… did I just get carried away?) I, a […]
I never look at who I sit next to on the bus. Some people ask for permission to sit, some people evaluate their options before settling on the lessor evil, some people even play musical chairs hopping from seat to seat as better options open […]
Greetings Blogosphere! How goes it?! I’m Sleeping Booty and I’ll be your author today(and every 2nd Thursday from here on out) and I can barely contain how excited I am to get rolling on this project. It’s been a long year since graduation, and I’m just bursting with titillating twenty-something topics. From job hunting and wedding planning to teaching abroad and long-distance relationships, it seems like all I hear about lately are stories of reaching for and breaking up with dreams. It’s getting absurd how often I have lunch with someone who has just quit their job to go to culinary school or shook my head at someone who just needs a few more months before they’ll dump their boyfriend. This time in our lives is volatile and dramatic; one little push can make us go flying. But it’s exciting and fantastic too; I can’t count how many real adults have told me to just have fun and enjoy it. So while it’s difficult to shake the fear that this might be my best moment ever, I like to believe that today is the best moment of my life so far.
I’ve dealt with a lot of change in the last few weeks. My summer job ended, my fellow naughty princess and roommate got married, my grandfather died too soon and I packed everything I own in a rental car, moving across two states back in with my parents. It’s been intense, but now I find myself at a standstill, with no plan or direction to speak of.
Compared to many twenty-somethings, the world is at my fingertips. I have a decent degree and no expensive addictions to speak of. I don’t have a significant other to worry about staying near or crippling student loans to pay back. I don’t even have an overbearing family to appease. All I have to worry about is following my dreams. And by all accounts, I should be able to reach them.
But lately my dreams have become reoccurring nightmares of forgetting my basketball shoes before a big game. I rush frantically trying to tie my lace or squeeze my foot into someone else’s extra pair while the referee starts the game without me. What does it say about my waking life when my subconscious thinks I’m under-prepared? How am I supposed to follow my dreams when they repeatedly tell me I’m ill-equipped?
I know I have a ridiculous amount of support from friends, family and random strangers I pour my heart out to on the bus. And I’m not here to whine about how difficult it is to choose the best out of a hundred different paths to happiness. But sometimes I let the pressure get to me and think about how many things I could be missing out on. No matter what I do, one part of myself is going to get the short end of the stick.
But even though I know that threat of future regret is always going to be there, I also know that everyone else is right there with me. And that means that we’re going to be ok. I stumbled upon this adorable YouTube mini series a while back and a certain phrase has stuck with me and become my mantra as well. So I’m going to make now the best moment of my life. And I’m going to keep it up.