Travel. Adventure. Spontaneity. Independence. It seems like these are always the things twenty-something’s are yearning for, even if they’ve already settled themselves with a long-term relationship or cushy job. Everyone has that one facebook friend who has joined the Peace Corps or is backpacking through Europe or working at an elephant preserve in South Africa. And that one facebook friend is always posting photos that make the adventurous twenty-something life look so damn good. It’s no wonder that on college graduation day, we’re all thinking, “Look out world, here I come!”
Well The Little Merskank and I have managed to advance our careers while living abroad, and Sleeping Booty is just itching to quit her job and travel. That’s the dream, right? But what happens when the dream disappoints?
I have this friend. Don’t worry, she really does exist. We met as co-workers at the international school where we both teach. She is currently almost done with her two-year contract, and guys, she is burned out. Burned out on airports, foreign languages, and not being able to drive herself around. Burned out on bratty students, low pay, and being thousands of miles away from all her family. Burned out on the life abroad.
My friend, let’s call her Jasmine, recently went to a job fair in London to try and secure another international teaching job for next year. Her dream was Europe, specifically Germany. After two grueling days of glad-handing and interviewing, she was offered two positions. Neither was in Europe, and neither was for the subject she truly wanted to teach. Under pressure, she accepted one of the offers, a school in Istanbul. But a few hours later, on her flight back to the Middle East, she changed her mind.
“I was settling,” she told me. “And I promised myself I wouldn’t do that this time.”
I was supportive, but inside her choice was setting off alarm bells. Wait, you’re a single twenty-something with her whole life and career ahead of her. You’ve lived on your own in one of the most hostile places in the world for two years, and just think how you’ve learned and grown! Istanbul is a fascinating city, surely full of new adventures and new friends…
But Jasmine no longer wants to be pushed to her limits, frustrated by foreign cultures, and exiled from her family and friends. She’s lived that life for two years and doesn’t regret it, but she’s done.
She doesn’t know what she’ll do back in Canada, and it most likely won’t look as impressive on facebook as pics of her new Istanbul apartment would. But I can tell she’s happy. She’s counting down the days until she gets to conclude her international adventure and go home.
Even though we often desperately want to explore the exotic, pull up our roots, and challenge ourselves, I think most of us can only live that life for so long. And then we realize all we really want is a home.
I’ve been living abroad for a year now, and I’m not at that place yet. But watching Jasmine has shown me that someday, I probably will be. Wherever I am, whatever currency is in my wallet, it will all start to disappoint. I’ll be done. I’ll be coming home.
Super Agree. I can’t wait to fix up my house. TEN YEARS FROM NOW.
Interesting post, Cindy. Although I can totally see where your friend is coming from, I am not exactly sure I can relate. I guess, in a way, our situations are pretty different, since the UK I is a lot more similar to the US- everyone here at least speaks English even if they don’t understand the magnificance of mexican food. So, as I said, maybe our positions are just uncomparable, but I have to say I don’t really feel the ‘burned out’ and ‘ready to go home’ potential. I mean, I guess it is possible that this could still be coming, but I am fast approaching the two-year mark of my time abroad.
Of course, like everyone, I sometimes feel tired and the life of a graduate student has its own challenges, but it is never really the distance from home that stesses me out. Maybe this is sad to say, but I feel like the more time you spend abroad it becomes less clear what home is. I mean, I love my family and its great to visit them but I haven’t lived in my home town for so long that I can’t say it feels like where I belong, per se. Also, I have a certain amount of attachment to Seattle, since I went to college there, but as time goes on more of the people are I knew there are moving to new places themselves. It doesn’t feel like home either. So, I guess my point is that your home is where your life is. And it’s true: you and your prince might feel like moving on at some point, but that doesn’t need you need to burn out– you’ll just be ready for the next thing.
Yeah, most likely the UK wouldn’t burn you out nearly as fast as someplace more foreign. But you make a good point. I guess it can’t really burn you out if you make it your home and decide not to let things get to you. That’s how there are people I know here who have been living in the Middle East for 20-30 years and have raised their families here and everything. They decided to make it their home and love it for what it was…
totally agree. the difference is in your thinking. I tend to burn myself out of places because I always think of them as temporary. A person can only tell themselves something is temporary for so long before actually feeling the need to change it, even if it’s awesome. It sounds like your friend will get home and finally be content knowing that Canada is it (maybe the same for you and washington?), but for people like me and merskank I don’t see a place that could ever really be it. Merskank is doing it right, thinking that where she is currently is her home and building her community there. I need to be more like that or i’ll be wandering forever.