Condition of the Month – November: Quarter-life Crisis

OUR QUARTER LIFE CRISIS IS HERE!

In the spirit of me and Cindy turning 25 in a few days, I’ve asked the girls to discuss their Quarter Life Crisis for November’s Condition of The Month. Maybe it has to do with Thanksgiving gratefulness, or maybe it’s just because we’re all doing way better than we could be, but I think this twenty something life looks good on us.

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So, I feel like I need to begin by establishing that I am the youngest member of the naughty princesses.  Unlike my more-mature counterparts, I just turned 24 at the end of August, so for me 25 still seems a terrifying- yet distant- number.

But why is it terrifying?  I mean, I know it shouldn’t be, but 25 just sounds so… old.   Somehow I am still carrying around my teenage vision of being 25 which involves sexy pencil-skirts, a sophisticated free-lance career, and a studio apartment in New York City.

Somehow I now seriously doubt that will be my life at 25.  And honestly, I don’t actually want any of those things– I have never been a pencil skirt person, and who needs New York when you have England anyway?…  But still, that vision exists somewhere there in the back of my mind with the words: twenty-five stamped on it.

But a quarter life crisis? I don’t think there will be much of one for me.   I am really happy with my life right now– so although I know that 25 will not meet my teenage expectations, I think it will supersede them!  I am looking forward to replacing those Hollywood-influenced illusions with real experiences and memories.

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OHHHH BOY. Where to begin? Well did I mention that I was living at home and unemployed this time last year? Or that I still have no idea what I want to do with my life? Or that I’m planning on quitting my perfectly acceptable job in February to burn through a ton of cash while exploring Europe? With absolutely no inkling of what I’ll do when I get back? And as for envy and comparisons, two of my fellow Princesses are married and the other is putting her all into a career she loves (while dating a boy who writes her love letters), while my closest relationships are with my brother and parents – all of which will change completely when I move out in a few months. So yes I’m definitely feeling behind on this whole grown up relationship/career/home/life thing.

But here is the thing guys, I’m oddly calm about all of this. I feel the strongest and most optimistic I’ve felt since I was deciding which college to choose. I feel young and lucky and beautiful and intelligent, ready and excited to begin this second quarter of my life. There is so much I know I can and want to do, and at this point I’m incredibly confident that I’ll do it.

It feels like I’ve pushed past the crisis already, coming out of the turmoil and uncertainty of my early 20s with easy joy and trust in my abilities. Maybe I haven’t really begun the crisis yet and come 27 I’ll be crying alone in my room sad that nothing worked out. Or this could even be the eye of the storm, a brief moment of false security before the crippling anxiety hits again. But right now (and for the last few weeks) things seem to be looking up.

When I think of who I’ve been I’m proud of her decisions and I trust my future self to make the best choices she can as well. Sure I might not be living the best life imaginable, but I am trying, and while I still have no clue about anything, I know that I’m not supposed to. It feels great to be taking action in my life, not just in my upcoming travels, but also in wrapping up old to do lists, pushing myself to say yes to things that scare me and making plans for new ones. It’s okay not to have all the answers yet, and as long as I’m willing to work hard until I do, that is all that matters.

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When I was thinking about how to answer this question, my first thought was that I wasn’t really having a quarter life crisis. Then I realized that this wasn’t really true, it was just that my crisis was not entirely my own, and not an entirely typical quarter life crisis.

You see my crisis involves my husband.  Mostly, it involves how I relate to him while he is in crisis, and how I can mature in order to support him and stop being selfish.  As most of you know, we’ve been through a whirlwind together and most recently he accepted a job aboard a cruise ship meaning that he will be gone for at least six weeks.  This is my crisis. I know that he is doing what he needs to do, but I need him to be here. I know how I should handle it. I know that the adult thing to do is bear this burden gracefully and be strong while he is gone. However what I have done is burst into tears and freak out when I have to deal with car licensing paperwork that would be his responsibility were he around. I know that I can be independent and make it on my own for a while, but I don’t want to! The stress I feel is the stress of knowing the kind of wife I should strive to be but holding stubbornly to my selfish desires anyway. I want to be the kind of wife who helps him achieve his dreams and willingly sacrifices her time and effort to support him. But more often I find myself wanting to tell him he should never leave my side because I hate it when he’s gone.

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I am about to turn 25, and I actually feel…pretty good about it. Oddly, I remember having a harder time turning 23, knowing that my college years were over and I had to enter the land of true adults. Well, two years have gone by since then, and I do think I’ve acclimated to being an adult, while still staying relatively young at heart. Perhaps because I’m proud of what I’ve done in my twenties so far and I’m pretty content with my life, 25 isn’t looking so bad.

Actually, lately I have been absolutely in love with my twenties. So much so that the other day I described to my husband how awesome I thought it would be if we could have TWO decades of our twenties, then have our thirties to focus on raising kids, and then continue on as usual. Obviously certain facts about biology and physics preclude this happy fantasy…but still. Wouldn’t it be GREAT? The fact that we physically can’t extend this amazing decade leads to the conclusion that we should probably just make the most of it, which is what we’re all trying to do here at the Twenty-Something Condition.

I’m not an expert on how to do that, though. I’ll admit I spend my fair share of wasted time on facebook and other non-life-enriching websites, watching TV, doing dull work, sleeping, you get the idea. But I’ve also taken risks and said yes to things I never would have considered in the past, like my current two jobs and the whole ridiculous fact that I live on the other side of the world and kind of love it. I guess I’m making the most of these years as best I can…I hope I improve that skill though, because the years are never going to pass by any more slowly than they are right now.

Am I in a crisis? Not really, though I do often reflect on the passing of time and how weird it is to have lived for 25 whole years. My grandmother died recently, and she was my last living grandparent. In my family, at least, a generation is gone, and that means my parents’ generation will be next, and then…

When I think that way it’s easy to worry that life is passing me by, but luckily I can still snap myself out of that pretty easily, just by looking around and marveling at how wonderful and blessed my life is. To me, that’s a good place to be, no matter your age. Bring it on, 25! I’m ready for more awesome.