The Long-Distance Marriage

What’s your stance on long-distance relationships? Can they ever work?

I didn’t think so, until I tried it, three years ago when I was dating my now-husband. I won’t lie: it was hard. We relied on Skype dates once or twice a day and occasionally mailed each other old-fashioned letters. At one point we had a running google-doc of a journal that we both wrote in on almost a daily basis. We played Scrabble online. We were forced to focus on just talking, since there was nothing else to do—no cuddling, no sex, no dates. At that point in our relationship I think the distance actually helped us in that regard; we had to really get to know each other and we learned that we loved each other enough to make it work, even though it wasn’t convenient at all. Then, after two 4-5 month stints of that, we got engaged and then married, and since then have had a fantastic time living in the same house, going on dates, holding hands, and pretty much being together as much as possible.

However, as I mentioned last time, I’m stuck back in the Statesfor a few months finishing my Master’s degree (and living with my parents), and he’s back in the sandbox, working and living alone. Suddenly, we find ourselves in the exact same situation we were in this time three years ago, except now we’re married instead of just beginning to date. Woo. Freaking. Hoo.

I’m not super psyched about this turn of events. I got very used to having a cuddle buddy and a date to every event and a partner in crime. I know it’s only four months, and I know we have done it before, but I still miss him. Luckily, I’m busy with student teaching and am trying to enjoy my time at home as much as possible, so I think I actually have the easier end of things. I’m grateful I’m not the one having to live alone. I know we can handle it, because we have before, and that’s what I’m clinging to. But it still feels harder this time around, most likely because there is a big difference between dating long-distance and sustaining a marriage long-distance. I’m holding up okay so far, but what happens when I have an absolutely awful day at work and don’t have him to come home to? Or what about when my parents drive me completely insane and I have nowhere to turn, because I am trapped in their house?

To tell the truth, those aren’t my biggest worries, though. I can still bitch about my terrible day to him via Skype, and I can always retreat to my room and lock the door if my parents are bugging me, or even hop in the car and go spend the weekend with Snow Whore, who had to go through the same thing earlier this fall. I’m not even too worried about being celibate again—the occasional Sexy Skype Time will suffice, and the time apart will make it that much hotter when we finally are together again (second honeymoon?). But there are other concerns, mostly having to do with habits and how we will operate as suddenly “single” people. Will we get used to living separate lives and struggle when we have to start taking the other person into account again? Will the physical distance between us lead to emotional distance too? Will some girl flirt with him, and will he be tempted?

It’s only been three weeks, so I can’t draw any conclusions yet. Right now I’m glad to be making it through alright and very much looking forward to about 111 days from now, when I get to close the distance and get back to where I’m meant to be.