Wedding Planning Should be a Team Sport

I’ve been a bridesmaid before. We’ve made the invites, taken the photos, planned the parties, and so much more, but something about this summer’s bridesmaid duties has felt off. You’d think I’d have gotten the hang of it by now, seeing as this is my 4th wedding party, but this morning I figured out the difference, the thing that’s missing this year. It’s friendship, it’s my fellow Naughty Princesses.

In the past it was all four of us planning together, talking through what the Bachelorette would look like, delegating tasks, all giving speeches. For this wedding I’m a million miles away from them, planning parties for a girl they don’t know, and while it’s flattering to be the Maid of Honor, it’s also incredibly isolating when I don’t know any of the brides’ other friends and none of the other bridesmaids are interested in helping. This summer has been filled with making paper flowers, planning parties, and trying on dresses, all alone. When I see the bride I know she feels it to, only getting help from me and criticism from her mother. If I’m stressed I can’t even imagine how overwhelmed she is feeling and it’s so sad to think that she doesn’t have a group of friends all in one place dedicated to helping her. I can only do so much alone.

The bachelorette party is this Friday night and I’ve worked really hard at getting everything together and awesome for it to work out. But suddenly this weekend I panicked at how much money I’ve been spending on it – food, decorations, drinks, all add up when you’re the only one paying. And in a fit of strength and desperation I started delegating. I told one bridesmaid she was in charge of wine, and another that she was in charge of appetizers, and sent out a mass message to all the guests to bring any fun games and décor that they had lying around. I could manage desert and after dinner snacks, most of the decorations and the major activities. But it was time they stepped up and did more than show up.

But instead of getting little to no responses like I’d expected, in the last few days the party has taken on an entirely new life. People offering to make cakes and bring mixed cocktails, bring crazy games and decorate entire locations. The bridesmaids are still dragging their feet but the other guests are completely stepping up. Suddenly I feel like I’m almost not doing anything, and while it’s partially amazing, it is also stressing me out that my friend and her friends will think I’ve totally dropped the ball. And after being entirely on my own all summer, having help is feeling a bit like a failure.

But I know that’s not true, and even if it is, it won’t matter come September 28^th after her wedding, when I never have to see any of these people again if I don’t want to. It’s just a shame that I’m not friends with all of these people already, so we can share more than a few last minute messages before the party. I miss planning with help, and planning with people I can count on, planning with Cindy, Snow and Merskank.

I’m sure most people are used to this kind of party planning, and it’s about time I joined the real world of wedding parties who live in all corners of the country. But I’m grateful for those good wedding experiences we had just after college. When we were still all together and still all on the same team.

Who knows, maybe this party planned by strangers will work out better than I expect. Anything can happen! But I’m probably still going to fill my car with everything they say they’re bringing, just in case.w