A field guide to growing up without growing apart

More than a feeling

Love. Today is the day that we are supposed to be celebrating that beautiful, elusive and vastly misunderstood concept. I spent my entire  day welcoming ‘love birds’ into our hotel and let me tell you, I did not feel so lovely afterwards. Most of them were demanding, and my head starting spinning when I added up the amount these couples were spending on one holiday celebration.

It got me thinking about the messages our society sends about love and what that really means. I will never claim to be an expert on love, but I know enough to know that most of what I see in the media and among my peers does not resemble what I believe real love should be.

We live in a world that is so self serving, and we are taught that if something does not make us happy or feel warm and fuzzy then we should cast it aside. Valentine’s day seems to exist so that we can produce more of those surface level warm and fuzzy feelings. But love is so much more than that, and most of the time it isn’t warm and fuzzy.

The truth is that love is hard, and frustrating, and very unglamorous a lot of times. It’s only when you are in a close committed relationship with someone that you realize how many faults you really have.  It’s at this point when most people cut and run. But if you stick it out through the mess, that’s when you begin to understand and experience real love. Because when the blinders are taken off and you see clearly how screwed up you really are, you realize how truly incredible it is that this other person wants to stay with you.  It’s humbling and it gives an incredible joy at the same time. It’s not about how many expensive gifts you give and exotic dates you go on, but about serving the other person and giving your time.

And in the end, it’s worth it. Not because you will have some basic sense of happiness, but because real love will give you a lasting joy in the face of any situation that life throws at you.



2 thoughts on “More than a feeling”

  • Aww, I wondered if anyone would post a V-Day related post. I’m not sure I think love is just realizing how screwed up we are, and therefore how lucky we are that our significant other stays with us…though I have experienced that to some degree myself in my marriage, that also sounds like what happens (in a twisted way) in abusive relationships. The woman thinks she isn’t worth better, so she feels “lucky” to be with her abuser. I know that’s not what you were thinking, though. Totally agree with the last part about serving each other and finding joy together in whatever circumstance. My hubby and I spent V-Day exhausting ourselves to a workout DVD and then using our sweaty backs to make suction-y fart sounds on the tile floor, while laughing hysterically. To me, that’s love!

    • Yeah, I was having trouble formulating my thoughts correctly last night because I was so exhausted. What I was thinking of is the times that I realize I’ve been treating him unfairly but he still gives me Grace and is kind back to me. That’s inspiring and it helps me love him when I feel that he’s being frustrating. I just wanted to point out that if you’re only loving someone when they’re lovable, you’re not really loving them well. You have to love them through the hard times as well.

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