Guys- my mom likes Donald Trump. I don’t mean that she is crazy about him or thinks he is the best thing since
sliced bread, but she likes him, respects him, and would vote for him for president.
To me, Donald Trump appears obtuse and hallow. His supports say he says his mind and doesn’t pander to the press, but to me it seems more that he just says whatever people will like. He doesn’t think provide answers for the compl
ex problems that beleaguer our country, but offers deceitfully simple answers meant more for show than for the reality of governing. Worse yet, he’s campaign seems to rely on rousing some of people’s basest instincts, to blame the other, the outsider, the immigrant, the refugee.
Now, Donald Trump is just meant as an example. I don’t have any desire to debate his stances on any issues here. I don’t think he will probably be president, and if he were I doubt that half of the rhetoric he is employing in this race would have any real effect. Governments don’t work they way businesses do; it’s not like a president just gets to step in and do what he wants, especially in a federal system like the US with a separation of powers.
But the problem here is that my mother respects a presidential candidate I find generally rather despicable. And this is not just a single candidate or a single issue. The reality is simply that over the last five years, I have drifted from my mother politically. It used to be that we more or less shared our position. I mean, there would be a few minor points we would diverge over, but more or less we were ‘on the same side’.
Now, I don’t think politics should be about taking sides. I by no means believe that one party or another (or any party anywhere) has everything right. I believe that there are good values behind positions on both sides and that people, who are earnestly trying to do good, stand in different places on a variety of issues. But this doesn’t change the fact that many of us slip into an ‘us’ versus ‘them’ type of mentality. My mother among them.
For her, ‘the other side’ represents an economic system that doesn’t allow for flourishing; it represents a social system that doesn’t hold to age-old values, and (in its worst form) has no respect for the life of the defenceless (that is, unborn babies); it represents a military policy that doesn’t leave us safe from violent outside attack.
Some of these things are very bad things. The type of thing I would never want to be associated with. I don’t want to be ‘one of them’.
But…
Living abroad in a foreign country for the past four years has showed me that maybe, just maybe a system where all members of society can see the doctor if they need to, isn’t a bad thing. That fear of a price tag shouldn’t be the reason you don’t get tested for cancer, or don’t get the treatment you need. Of course, I fully realize that in any country, these policies aren’t free. Nothing is ever free. We are paying for it, everyone who pays taxes. But maybe that is something worth paying for. Rather than oppressing us, maybe this type of government policy actually makes our lives better, especially the poorest sectors of society.
Similarly, living as an immigrant in a foreign country, and working hard to get a graduate degree, has suggested to me that maybe immigration isn’t something inherently bad in society, and that supporting education is something important, even in so-called ‘non-practical’ fields.
Now, this wasn’t meant to be a political post. I don’t have a particular desire to debate these issues, although of course we can, but what I really wanted to talk about was simply this feeling of alienation from my mom. Part of becoming an adult is forming your own opinions. You can’t stay in the nest of your parents’ forever. But that doesn’t make it any less painful to make that jump out of the nest. Painful for me, painful for them. Or at least I feel that way.
Disagreeing on some issues doesn’t make me love my mom any less, and I am sure it wouldn’t make her love me any less either. But it still seems like a bit of betrayal, and one I have been having trouble facing up to. Maybe this is point where I should mention that I have yet really ‘come out’ to my mom about any of these issues. I am sure she senses I am not as ‘with her’ as I used to be, but I doubt she guesses the degree to which my views on some issues have changed. I think maybe it will just be one of this little by little things over time, rather than any out- and- out argument. But who knows.
I feel like it is my right as an adult and my own person to develop my own view points and positions. And really, it shows the strength of my upbringing by my parents that I feel I able to think freely and make my own choices. Still, it hurts not to be on the same side as your parents.