A field guide to growing up without growing apart
What up internet world! Sorry for neglecting you! If it makes you feel any better I’m super behind on a hundred other important things like finding lodging and transportation and a career path but I’m choosing you over all that because it only takes a […]
I hate that depression is a thing. Last week when Cindy posted about possibly being depressed I cringed a bit at the word, feeling fairly confident that Cindy’s low mood was just that, a bit of a down time in a lifetime of millions of […]
Hello! It feels like forever since I last posted, funny how that seems to be the theme we’ve got going lately, all of us princesses sort of putting this old blog on the back burner while real life takes all our attention. We’ve been at this blogging thing over 18 months now, can you blame us for falling a bit behind? After all, this started as an experiment anyway, really it is surprising that it has lasted this long at all.
But then I think again and remember how much I love this place, that it exists in addition to ‘real’ life. How important it is to the specific friendships I have with my fellow princesses and how cool it is to feel part of a 20-something collective, all of us in it together as we struggle to figure out where we go next.
The last few weeks I’ve been traveling, staying in hostels and hotels, with friends and strangers, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about our little blog and been proud it exists, glad that if I ever need it’s here to support me and support others. Snow’s post helped me more than I can say and Cindy’s struggles with SAD make my struggles with tiredness seem more normal. Even reading about Merskank’s old english work helps me feel closer to her and simultaneously sad and glad I’m not a student anymore.
This blog, and so many others, are places we can go to supplement our reality. As much work as it is to maintain, there hasn’t been a moment I’ve thought it wasn’t worth it. So there you have it, my post for now. All I really want to say is I’m so glad you exist.
Hey kids! Turns out I’ve been wandering Europe for two weeks! Only 18 more to go! Every day so far has been nonstop packed with sightseeing or friend making so I’m appreciative to be sitting on a relaxing 9 hour bus ride from Edinburgh to […]
OH MAN. So I’m leaving in a few days for what can only be described as an epic adventure (5 months traveling around Europe just because I can) and while excited, I have to admit the planning process has been slightly overwhelming… and I’m almost […]
Today is my last day of work.
Its slow here, not much left to do now that my time is almost up. I’ve been looking forward to this day for a long time, it’s different than I expected though; I didn’t think I’d be so melancholy.
Yesterday was my last day of carpooling to work with my dad, (he works from home on Fridays) and it wasn’t until we arrived in the parking lot that I noted this milestone, my emotions bittersweet as we realized it was time to begin the process of saying goodbye. I took a deep breath and headed into work, suppressing the feelings that would inevitably be flooding me in the coming days; he told me later that he cried after I left, sobbing in the car as time caught up with him. Life goes so fast. I’ve lived and worked with him almost every day for the last 14 months, and as excited as I am for this new beginning, it brings with it a whole lot of endings. Endings I wish I could bring with me.
On Wednesday I’m leaving for an incredible adventure, 5 months traveling around Europe with friends and family. I’ll only be alone about 4 weeks total and it’s been incredible to connect with so many people over the last few months of planning this trip. I’ve learned so much already and I haven’t even left yet, as much work as the planning has been, it’s been completely worth it.
People have told me about their favorite places, shared with me their most memorable lessons, given me their blessings. My friends have changed their schedules to meet me and my family has almost done as much research as I have; I’ve even met strangers who’ve taken the time to give me phone numbers of people I should call and websites I should visit. Out of the blue my friend’s mother gave me a book and letter that congratulated me for taking the time to assess how I want my life to be and making the necessary steps to make it happen. My dad’s friend took a picture of me and sent it to his friends in England so they’ll recognize me when we meet up. A 90 year old woman from my mother’s book club took both my hands in hers and said she was grateful to meet someone as brave as me.
I‘ve appreciated these affirmations more than I probably should have, I wish I was as confident in this choice as so many other people seem to be for me. I’m glad I’m doing this, but I’m also so sad not to be doing everything else. Maybe being a 20-something is about finally realizing that in order to have a happy moment you have to let go of something else. Maybe it’s realizing that it is okay to be happy and a little bit sad.
Last night was the last time I’ll get to see my dad play basketball this year. The last time I’ll get to go out to the pub with his team. The last time I get to make sure he makes it home safely. This morning was the last time I got to kiss my mother goodbye before going to work. The last time I’ll get to sing along to morning radio at the top of my lungs for an hour long drive as part of a daily routine. The last time I’ll sit at this desk and see these people.
My coming weekend is overbooked with goodbyes. I’ll barely have time to pack between hangouts and skype dates, goodbye dinners and last minute phone calls. I won’t have time to feel sad, I know goodbyes like this well from leaving Seattle and all my travels during college; I won’t really let any of it reach me until a week later when I’m alone.
Right now I don’t know how to feel, a large part of me knowing that suppressing it all will only lead to an explosion later, but there is no right way to say goodbye and I do know that this is what I and many other people want for me. It is okay to be happy but a little sad.
For the last few days I’ve had this Billy Joel song on repeat, feeding my melancholy feeling and also letting it completely fortify me for the coming changes in my life. It feels very 20-something and if you haven’t heard this cover you should.
I think Billy is right when he says only fools are satisfied, dream on but don’t imagine they’ll all come true.
I think I’m ready to realize Vienna waits for me.
Man I love menfolk. It’s not that I don’t love women (female empowerment forever!), but I also just really (really) enjoy men, and as a result of spending the last few weekends in the company of more of the opposite sex than usual, I’m reminded […]
It’s Thanksgiving! And there is no better time to thank all the wonderful people and bloggers who’ve inspired and supported us over our first year of blogging. We’re so appreciative for this online community and incredibly shocked by the amount of love we’ve received from you beautiful strangers.
Thanks to Lauren from Life on a Branch and Erin at Roamin 4 Happiness for nominating us as inspirational bloggers. Both of their sites just ooze twenty-somethingness and it’s wonderful to read about their journeys. Talk about inspiring.
And Tanisha at My Knotted Life just nominated us for a Liebster award! We’re sure you’ll find her as adorable as we do. And she crafts!
We were also lucky enough to contribute as guest posters this year. Thanks to Katie at Ask the Young Professional and David at 20somethings in 2013 for featuring our stories and being host to others. We twenty-somethings need all the camaraderie we can get.
And just because we can, here is a list of a few other writers we think you should check out. It’s a Thanksgiving smorgasbord!
So thanks kids. We didn’t expect this little anonymous project of ours to reach anyone except the four of us, but we’re so grateful that it has. Here is to even more connection in the coming year! Thanks so much for being a part of it.
Love,
P.s. Anyone we missed? Of course! Help us spread the word about great authors in the comments below.
I woke up this morning to an email from an old… flame, and I… I don’t really know how I want to process it. Really long story sort of short (read: remember that data project I was working on?), he and I became close during […]
A week ago a friend of mine told me she has decided to become a body builder. And I’m fucking pissed. Okay so I’m not so much pissed as I am worried… and not so much worried as just plain shocked… and not so much […]
It’s my birthday! And Cindy’s birthday! And we’re turning 25. Holy. Crap.
This time last year Cindy wrote a beautiful ode to our twinship, explaining how learning of our shared birthday has become such an important part of our lives since. This year I wanted to return the love, taking a second to express my gratitude to the universe for allowing me to share a birthday with a friend, especially her.
When I was younger my birthday was the best event of the year. My creative parents allowed me to dream big, putting together epic pie baking events, dress up performances and jewelry box decorating bliss. One year we had a scavenger hunt at the airport, running from terminal to terminal to find a purple suitcase or a photograph of 4 or more people and another birthday we rode the light rail train in circles while we played games and got to know the big city. I even remember my dad making me a PVC pipe teepee for my Pocahontas-themed party one year, my mother helping us make our own fringe covered purses to tote around proudly. Back then birthdays were things to be celebrated, excuses for all your friends to come together to celebrate you (and the Spice Girls), but once you hit high school all that changes.
Suddenly it is no longer cool to plan birthday adventures, and even if you do, good luck getting all of your friends to agree to join in. Jessica can’t stand Brittany and Katie would never have fun doing that, besides, Sally doesn’t have any time anyway. In high school I’d be lucky if I got four or five people together to see a movie and go get ice cream, much less trap all my friends in one room to do something really awesome.
And let’s not forget the added pressure we feel as we’re taught to apologize for getting ‘older.’ All we want to do when we’re younger is grow up and become the people we’re meant to be, but with little warning that optimism is crushed, unexpectedly turned on its head as people remind you again and again that aging is bad. Sure you want your driver’s license and to be 21 so you can go to those cool concerts, but you also know that it’s all downhill from there – birthdays only bringing you closer and closer to the end of your youth ( i.e. the end of your happiness). In high school you learn your birthday is no longer an accomplishment; instead it becomes something to avoid, something you’ve done wrong.
I had low birthday expectations when I moved away for college since my birthday came around only a month in, leaving me with limited time to build my friend group or hope for any type of celebration. Had Cindy not taken me in and allowed me to crash her party my day would have gone something like, “Hey, I’m Booty, want to be my friend and celebrate my birthday even though we just met!?” Instead we ate funfetti and had our first twin competition (wii tennis is intense!), bonding over much more than a shared day of birth and our love of basketball. It was the day I knew I’d found friends I’d have for a while, a turning point in the way my life would go from there on out, a birthday I love to remember.
Ever since I’ve found myself looking forward to our shared birthday, excited to know that no matter how the year went I’d always have someone to celebrate with. And celebrate we did, taking groups of friends out to dinners and bars, exploring arcades and running through city fountains. We stayed up until midnight to buy our first bottle of alcohol together and even stayed in to paint our stomachs on our 22nd just because we’d always wanted to. With Cindy by my side we recreated those birthday adventures of my youth in even more wonderful ways, allowing ourselves to dream big because we had a guaranteed partner, a guaranteed reason to celebrate.
The year after we graduated, Cindy’s soon to be fiancé asked me to help him propose on our birthday, planning an elaborate scavenger hunt and flying in from out of town to surprise her with a ring. I agreed wholeheartedly of course, though admittedly there were moments I was worried that this new anniversary would infringe on our special day. We were already feeling the pressure of graduation and moving forward with out lives, would the loss of this connection make things even harder?
But everything turned out perfectly, because his elaborate proposal allowed me and Cindy (and Snow) to share a day of adventure that I’ll always cherish. When I think of that day, I think of all the fun we had running around Seattle following his clues and enjoying each other. I think of the beautiful photos I got to take of my friend on one of the happiest days of her life. I think of how much I love her and how grateful I am to be her twin.
This year I miss her more than ever, but without her I’ve realized how important it is to ask for what I want on my birthday. No longer do adventures just fall into place, and no longer can I settle for a lame high school get together full of drama. So instead I made the choice to turn 25 in style, spending last weekend in Seattle, visiting Snow and catching up with college friends. Last night I organized a birthday dinner with some old friends who I never get to see and I leave to visit my cousin in Denver tomorrow. It is definitely an overwhelming week, but if not on your birthday when else do you do the things you want?
So thank you world, for giving me a beautiful reason to look forward to my birthday. My twin is an easy reminder that I’ll always have someone to celebrate with, that getting older will always be an accomplishment and that birthdays are a great excuse to do the things you’ve always wanted. I’m so glad to know her. Love you Cindy.