A field guide to growing up without growing apart
No, no, this isn’t what you think. This isn’t the blog in which Cinderslut announces she’s caught the baby bug, although now that you mention it there are a heckuva lotta cute babies on facebook these days. That blog might come one day, but not […]
It’s that time of year! Even though my chances of a white Christmas are about one in a million this year, I can still get into the spirit with my favorite holiday tunes. So here they are! Hark the Herald Angels Sing by Mannheim Steamroller […]
What would you wish for if you had one chance?
This month the princesses are reflecting on what we would change about our lives if we could change one thing. It’s a tough question. For some, there’s too many things to choose from. For others, it’s a challenge just to come up with something. The thing all of our wishes have in common is that they, like many wishes, probably won’t come true anytime soon. But we can still dream, can’t we?
I brainstormed quite a few things I’d like to change about my life, but one by one, I shot them down, because I knew that even if that one thing changed, I wouldn’t be truly satisfied. It wouldn’t make a difference. If any of those things was truly a priority, I could make it happen. But since I had to choose something to change, I chose something that would free up a little extra time in my world so I could focus on doing what I love.
I wish I had alrea
dy finished my Master’s degree. Not that I wasn’t doing it at all—I know a Master’s will greatly benefit me in the long run. I just wish it was already over. My classes teach me good things, but they can’t compare to the constant, intense learning experience I’m having in the classroom all day long. It would be nice to have all the theory under my belt already, so I could focus more of my brain on actually teaching. As it is I have an average of 1-2 hours of work per day to do to keep up with the workload, and just think what I could be accomplishing in those hours if I didn’t have to spend them writing essays, writing discussion posts, and reading endless articles! Of course, I could have avoided this whole problem and already been a bonafide, certified teacher long ago if I had gone to a university with an undergraduate teaching program. But then I never would have met the Little Merskank, Snow Whore, and Sleeping Booty. I guess things really do happen the way they happen for a reason.
–Cinderslut
This was a hard question for me to answer. In almost every way I am very happy with my life right now. I absolutely love what I get to do everyday: I study in one of the best schools in the world; I get to learn dead languages and drink cappuccinos; I love my housemates; I love my supervisors– basically, things are great. One thing I would change in my life though if I could would be my relationship with my sister. My sister and mother had a big fi
ght about a year ago and haven’t been speaking since. I have talked to my sister a few times since then, but now it has been months since we talked. I feel guilty like I should contact her but I know that if I do she will want to talk down my mom and expect me to take her side (something I can’t do, not least because I feel she is wrong). Basically, if I could change something in my life I would bring peace and reconciliation to my family– that my mom, my sister, my brother and myself could all be friends again. Sadly, I really don’t foresee this happening any time soon.
–The Little Merskank
If there were one thing about my life that I could change right now, it would be the freedom to travel more. I like my job and I like where I live, but I feel like my soul is meant to travel. It wouldn’t even have to be very far. I get envious of my friends who have the time and money to visit friends in other cities for a three day weekend.
But you see, I don’t get a three day weekend. Ever. When you work in the tourism industry, everyone else’s three day weekends become your busiest time. I’m just lucky if I get two days off in a row. And even if that did happen—guaranteed they would not line up with my husband’s days off. And even if, miracle of miracles, we could both get the same days off, we couldn’t justify spending that much money on plane tickets, because we don’t really have money to spend on plane tickets.
But I can dream. I can dream about the kind of job that is salaried instead of by the hour. That would pay me well enough that I would steal away fun weekends visiting my friends in Colorado, Utah, New York, etc. And even more than that, I would love two weeks of vacation every year, so that my husband and I could go on a big international trip. We have such a long list of places we want to visit, and I’d love to start checking them off.
–Snow Whore
This is tough. I’m not sure where I exactly I want to take my answer. I could go the Miss America route and humbly declare all I want is world peace 
or a booming global economy. On a large scale I’d love to see discrimination forgotten about or false advertising taken off the shelves. I’d especially be all for getting rid of the concepts of “I suck at math,” “thinspiration,” and “I don’t like musicals.” Or I could go small and ask for a few more hours to sleep(or not) at night or an unlimited number of Trefoil cookies at my disposal. It would also be nice to have justified total self confidence or be impermeable to bug bites. And I couldn’t go wrong with my standard superhero answer of being able to teleport (The saddest thing about reading Harry Potter is that now I have a hole in my heart where aparating should be). Or maybe I’d even like to change something from the past to change my future, like asking my grandmother more about her life or stopping myself from swinging that baseball bat.
But then again, do I really want to change anything? I mean, I’ve got it about as good as any one person can get. And besides, don’t I trust myself and my future enough to know that I’ll make the changes I need to make when the time comes? Aren’t I capable of going after and finding what makes me happy? If I’m not happy shouldn’t I be changing something?
So what do I want to change about my life right now? The answer is I don’t know. Everything and nothing, I suppose. I want to know I’ll be alright in the future, but I know then the fun of finding out will be gone. I want to travel all the time, but I know I’ll miss out on my relationships. I want to have the best job ever, but then I know I’ll always be thinking about the second best. I want my dog Rhoda to stay healthy and young forever, but then she’ll miss us when we’re gone. I want my skin to be perfect all the time, but I know I’d just find something else to worry about. I want to know what I want, but I never want to lose sight of seeing both sides. So, Monthly Condition, there you have it. I want everything to change, without changing anything at all.
–Sleeping Booty
A couple of weeks ago I had a teacher panic moment. It had been a rough week with my students; they just didn’t seem motivated, and all the lesson plans I had thought would work so well crashed and burned. I found myself wondering, “Am […]
The 7th of November is a special day to the Naughty Princesses, because both Sleeping Booty and I were born on this day, twenty-something years ago! We discovered our shared birthday early on in our friendship, and that, along with a few other similarities, spawned […]
We all know that after the glass slipper fits and the evil step-sisters are vanquished, Cinderella marries the handsome prince and rides off into the sunset to her happily ever after.
But things went a little differently for Cinderslut. The untold epilogue of Cinderslut’s story (post-epic marriage to Prince) involved getting on a plane to the Middle East and exchanging her dazzling ball-gown for an all-black cloak—a burka, or as we call it here, an abaya.
The other night I went out to dinner with my husband, and I found myself reflecting on this conservative Islamic practice of covering up when you’re in public. There we sat, enjoying nachos and a burger at Chili’s, while surrounded by groups of women wearing black from head to toe. The restaurants here are even equipped with portable screens, so the most conservative can uncover their faces long enough to enjoy their meal. My husband was wearing a nice shirt and dress pants, but there was no way for me to dress up—my attire is always the same when we go out: an all-black abaya.
So instead of dressing up, I dressed down. I gratified the urge to go commando that I had repressed during both high school and college graduation. It was kind of fun, and definitely cooler, but it didn’t really take away the slight discomfort I have with this requirement.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind wearing this garb most of the time. Even though I’m dressed in black in the middle of a scorching desert, I end up feeling cooler because I can wear as little as I want underneath. I also understand the moral basis behind this practice; Muslim women cover themselves because it is prescribed in the Quran, and that idea of keeping your beauty only for your husband, family, and female friends, really isn’t so incongruent with my own Christian worldview. I also realize I am a guest in this kingdom, and I have no desire to have a run in with the mutaween—the stalwart enforcers of the Ministry For The Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice. And yes, that is a real government agency!
So while the seas of women in black that crowd the malls are still slightly strange to me, I have accepted that wearing an abaya is not much of an inconvenience, and can actually be practical. But I still have a hard time swallowing the tradition of women covering their faces. I understand head-scarves (hijabs), but the full-face veils (nikabs) that many women also wear give me the heebie-jeebies. A few weeks ago I had my first tutoring session with a local high school student wanting to improve her English. Since we met at the public library, she was enveloped in black—only her eyes were visible. Throughout my time with her I kept thinking, “How can I really know a person if I never see her face?”
I recognize that for most (though not all) Muslim women, the clothing they wear is a personal choice and a reflection of their faith, and I have deep respect for that. Yet I can’t quite shake questions like these:
What does it say to women if their families, their King, and their God tell them they should hide from the world?
How is it sinful for a woman to drive herself to work, or go to a co-ed school?
My husband recently discussed these issues with one of his Muslim coworkers. They both agreed that many of the women here (at least the wealthy ones) lived charmed lives of privilege, with maids, nannies, drivers, and husbands who take care of their every need. That’s why the malls are swarming with ladies in black: they may not be free to drive themselves there, but they can spend thousands of dollars on outfits that the outside world will never see.
Their conclusion was, “Women here live like princesses.”
Perhaps they do. But this princess would rather enjoy a night on the town with Snow Whore, Sleeping Booty, and The Little Merskank, lighting up the town and wearing every color of the rainbow.
This princess would rather be a little naughty.
One of the crazy things about being in my early twenties is that I have changed so much in the last 10 years. Long before I met my fellow naughty princesses and became Cinderslut, I was just a skinny, insecure teenager with a lot of […]
People always say you are supposed to meet the love of your life in college. Well, I did. But it took me a helluva long while to figure it out. I started dating a sweet and brilliant (if nerdy) guy at the beginning of my […]
Once upon a time, there were four naughty princesses. These princesses had just begun a new adventure in a land called college, but they had not yet met each other. If they knew they were naughty, it was a shadow of an inkling, an inner rebellious twitch that had not realized itself.
It is a fact universally acknowledged that in the land of college, friendships are often forged in mysterious ways. For the four naughty princesses, this initiation into friendship took the form of FunFetti cake, Trivial Pursuit, and naked stories. The princesses had gathered with a group of would-be friends to enjoy some FunFetti cake baked in an illicit toaster oven in The Little Merskank’s dorm room. As it happened the conversation took a turn for the titillating, and one by one the girls shared stories of the times they had been naked, or nearly naked. Being still quite innocent (not yet having embraced their inner naughtiness), most of these stories were tame. One involved almost skinny-dipping with a group of high school friends. Another recounted ice-boxing, Snow Whore’s favorite past-time: driving shirtless around her snowy homeland in the dead of winter, windows rolled down and AC blasting. Talking about these scandalous moments began to break down the walls the girls had, and led to a lot of laughter. And, as everyone knows, cake, laughter, and embarrassing stories are an excellent recipe for friendship.
The evening later turned to board games (an indication that the princesses were still very new to the college scene). Being as they were, extremely bright and well-read ladies, the group selected Trivial Pursuit, and the good old version from the 80s no less. The brainy game progressed normally until they stumbled across a question asking for the name of the heroine in a Grimm Brothers story. The answer? Cinderslut.
The maidens were shocked by this rendering of their beloved Disney princess’s name, but also highly amused. It did not take long before they broke out the Bananagram tiles, concocting similarly naughty names and bestowing them on each other: Sleeping Booty, Snow Whore, The Little Merskank, and yours truly, Cinderslut.
And thus, a night that had begun with loose acquaintances resulted in four fast friends and four new naughty identities. From that night they faced the happily ever after ahead of them together, never imagining the travels, trials, and triumphs that awaited them. In fact, the princesses would later find out that actual naked shenanigans are even more bonding than telling naked stories. But those are tales for another time.
