A field guide to growing up without growing apart

Tag: work

New Job, No Friends

Does anyone else hate starting a new job? I do, big time. In addition to figuring out how to perform your role, you have to meet a million new people and try to remember their names, figure out where the bathroom, the break room, and […]

How Much Do You Work At Work?

How Much Do You Work At Work?

A month or two ago we hired a new person at the company I work for and since we are small and haven’t hired anyone new in a while, it has been a bit of an adjustment. Because we’re so tight knit, we’re pretty flexible […]

This Week I’m Doing Something That Scares Me

This Week I’m Doing Something That Scares Me

The last thing I like to do is go to large parties where I don’t know many people. Another thing I dislike is encountering people with whom I’ve had an embarrassing interaction in the past. But those two things are precisely what is happening this week!

As my blog sisters here well know, I am an introvert. I don’t mingle that well, I’m not a great conversationalist, and I tend to be a touch insecure when surrounded by people I think are more successful than I am. You see, back in college if I needed to go to a social event that I thought was going to be awkward, I could always bring along a good friend like Aurora, Snow, or Ariel to be my buddy. But they are not here.

So I’m in this bookclub. A friend of mine invited me a year ago or so and I came, and I was a little overwhelmed by how many ladies were there, and then my friend never added me to their email list even though I’m fairly sure that I said she should, so months went by until one time she brought it up and I said, “Uh, yeah…you should add me.” So from the start I felt a little weird that maybe I wasn’t wanted in the group, but that could all be in my head.

We’ve only met 3 times since then, and I’ve attended every meeting. I still don’t quite feel like I know the ladies that well, but I was getting fairly comfortable. I was fine. I was no longer stressing out terribly each month when the bookclub meeting came around (I know—bookclub…if this is the biggest stress in my life then I am kind of pathetic).

The bookclub then decided they wanted to use our December meeting to have a joint social gathering with the other bookclub on campus, also filled with erudite, accomplished women from our university or campus community (and none of whom I know personally). Originally, I just figured I might skip this month, since I wouldn’t know most of the crowd.

But then, they announced who would be hosting the party. It turns out I DO know someone from the other bookclub, the superintendent of schools. The problem with that is that the last time I saw or spoke to her was two years ago when I sat crying uncontrollably in her office. She had just told me that not only was she refusing my request for a student teaching placement, but that if I applied for a job in her schools, the best I could expect would be a “courtesy interview,” since I was so underqualified.

Now, she said this is the absolute nicest way possible, and she was never rude to me in any way, but the combination of disappointment over that news and some serious PMS that day brought on one of my very rare, but very ugly, crying spells. The kind that take 15 minutes to finish and completely ruin one’s makeup (and reputation). She handed me tissues and said soothing things like, “You could always apply at that other school in the next city,” (where I now work) and I walked out the door and never saw her again. Until now.

That was a very painful and embarrassing day that ultimately led to a lot of good. I did manage to find a student teaching placement back home, which I am grateful for, and I applied to that school she suggested and was hired, and mostly love it. But in the back of my mind I’ve always hoped that someday, when I had more experience, I might be able to get a job at her school (which is a superior school, pays way more, and is much closer to my home).

Some people might see this situation as a fantastic opportunity. After all, getting jobs these days is all about networking, and this type of party is prime networking material. But I hate networking! And a big part of me would stay at my same job forever rather than be forced to network at parties to get out of it.

It’s also complicated by the fact that it’s not just a matter of introducing myself to a potential employer. We’ve met before, but that impression is not really one I want to remind her of. It’s awkward, because I don’t even know if she will remember me. If she doesn’t seem to, should I bring it up? Or pretend it’s the first time we’ve met? Simultaneously, I’m not looking to switch jobs super soon, so I don’t want to come on too strong if I do manage to talk to her about the fact that I’m an available, semi-qualified teacher living right under her nose.

You want to know the worst part? The party is at her house. Her house. Of all the 30 some people invited to this event, she had to be the one to host. That means, in all likelihood, she’s going to answer the door, and then how will that go?

Let’s not forget that even aside from the awkwardness of meeting her again after such a traumatizing past experience and so long an interval, it would still be a fairly uncomfortable party for me considering that, best case, scenario, I will know 1-2 people well and 3-5 as acquaintances, out of 30 guests.

But. Guys. I know I have to do this. Dodging the superintendent in the grocery aisle is one thing, but when I have an actual opportunity to make a new impression on her (and who knows what other high-ranking, book-loving school officials) I think I would be a fool not to take it. And I hate that I want to choose to isolate myself rather than putting myself out there. So, in a sense, I’m doing it precisely because I know it will be frightening.

I’m just honestly hoping I can find people to talk to and have a good time, and hopefully she and I are able to have a normal chat that can start to replace whatever she might remember of me. I’ll drop in there that I’m teaching now and loving it, and she’ll smile genuinely and say she’s so glad I found something, because I deserve it. And there will be absolutely NO CRYING.

If that all happens, the evening will be a smashing success, and I will have faced my fear.

Stay tuned to find out if I can pull it off, or if I crawl back to you guys next week with tales of feigning a phone call and slipping away early.

Work Friends vs. Real Friends

Work Friends vs. Real Friends

It’s an age old struggle. Making friends at work. At first you feel like the awkward new kid and you spend a month or two trying to worm your way into the social ladder of your workplace. Depending on where you work this can be […]

Condition of the Month: June

Condition of the Month: June

For this month’s COTM I’ve asked my friends to think about their work / life balance. What would be an ideal balance between work and home life look like, or is it all actually the same thing? And what about the future, will things change […]

Thoughts on Work

Lately I’ve been pondering about the corporate world and how so many of us have to interact with it in different ways. I’ve been at my new job for about a month and a half and people keep asking me, how’s the new job? Do you like it? It seems like an easy question, but I find myself struggling to find an answer.
I don’t hate the job, but I’m also not waking up super excited to go to work. I know that leaving my other job was one hundred percent the right decision and I don’t regret it, but I’m just not feeling really passionate about my new position. Maybe passion is too much to ask for. Or maybe I’ve just learned my lesson. I was very passionate about my previous job and it made me burn out. I went from really loving it to really hating it. There was never any in between. After a while I realized that I just wouldn’t be able to last much longer.
So this time I’m being a bit more cautious. My work ethic hasn’t changed, and I’m still putting all my effort into the job, but I’m not getting emotionally involved. I’m keeping my distance and seeing how things go. But it’s kind of a relief to keep my heart out of it a little bit. I put so much of myself into my old job that I think I desperately needed to rest and and recover that part of myself before becoming emotionally vulnerable again.
Maybe I will learn to love my new job, and maybe I won’t love it but it will be a good learning opportunity. Either way I’m just taking it easy for now.

Wait- did someone say ‘jobs’?

Dudes, you want to know something scary? I have started to think about… jobs. It’s a terrifying word, I know.   I’ve still got some time but I feel the scariness of job-hunting breathing down my neck; soon it will catch up with me. I […]

Where Do I Go From Here?

Where Do I Go From Here?

I know everyone is probably sick of hearing me post about work. But unfortunately, it continues to be the eternal thorn in my side. For the longest time, work was stressful because we were so understaffed and I was doing multiple positions by myself. Now […]

COTM – July – Poetry of Summer

 

Hey!  So it’s that time of the month again! Our favorite time, the Condition of the Month!  Well this month the princesses were given the task of all writing a piece of poetry for the blog.  This was supposed to be about the season of their life right now, or any experiences they have had recently.  As expected– we all did an awesome job– with the added bonus that we chose different poetic forms to follow.  Variation is the spice of life, right?  If you’re brave, please add your own poem in the comments, we would love to hear them!

 

cinderslut tile (2)

 

Summer in Saudi, a Sonnet by Cinderslut

This marks my third summer spent twiddling my thumbs as the temperature rises and all my friends leave on vacations. In some ways it’s great to have all this free time, but I’m also really looking forward to the school year and starting my new job. It’s been a hot, sweaty, uneventful month here in the desert, and I can’t wait to spend a few weeks back in the Northwest with family and friends. That’s my kind of summer.

 

Summer is now here, every teacher’s dream

No students, homework, or master’s degree

Ample time for things like making ice cream

For the first time in months, I can be free,

 

Kind of. It’s not all a day at the beach

Sidewalks hot enough to fry an egg on

We’ve got cheap gas, but we don’t have free speech

No eating in public—it’s Ramadan.

 

I start thinking about a new school year

Back to school shopping just fills me with glee!

I like the break, but I love my career

I’m starting to miss my students, you see.

 

So bring on the fall, and my new battle

Until then, fly me back to Seattle!

 

snowwhore tile

 

Three Haikus of Summer by Snow Whore

 

 

 

.
Busy all the time
Summertime should be free time
Time to be a kid. 
.
How to keep going?
Sometimes I just want to run.
Yearning for a change.
.
Grab joy where you can
You don’t need money for fun
Just stop worrying

 

little merskank tileTwo Summertime Limericks by the Little Merskank

This summer officially marks the end of my second year of my PhD.  This means that by now it should theoretically be more than half way done– so, one could say that the honeymoon is over.  In celebration (and fear) of this moment, I have written two limericks.  

 

 

 

Meeting with my supervisor over a coffee
talking about life, munching a toffee
He asks me when I’ll submit
that I don’t know I won’t I admit
So instead I respond my drink is too frothy
.
A PhD  is never having done enough
summer’s the time when life gets tough
The year is drawing to a close
Pulling some work out by the nose
Hoping its sound but worried its fluff

 

sleeping booty tile

 

Summer Snowball Poem By Sleeping Booty

Since I’m a math enthusiast who seriously loves snow, I’ve chosen the French mathematician’s OULIPO Snowball technique for my poetry style. Every word is at least a letter longer than the one before it on each line.

.
.
I am back.
After months adventuring
Home seems unchanged.
Me too?
.
Time passed swiftly traveling.
Few quiet moments,
Not much future thought.
Why plan anyway?
Life always changes.
.
I could easily postpone decisions.
I love living seasonally.
And with endless opportunities,
How does every person determine?
I so fear choosing unsuitably.
.
But life often changes, obviously.
My path surely remains adjustable.
I can choose something,
And then tomorrow reevaluate.

 

Reality Check

I feel like I haven’t been posting on the blog much recently.  Of course I can give the excuse that I’ve been “busy”( refer to my many posts about the chaos at my work), but that excuse is lame. What I’ve started to realize over […]

Internal Combustion and How to Deal with It in a Healthy, Professional Way (or: the story of my work life, part one)

 My work has been in a state of chaotic upheaval for the past 3 months. I know I posted before about some frustrations at work, but that pales    in comparison to our current situation. In late January, our manager announced that he was too […]

What to do When Work Sucks

I am in a very interesting position at my workplace right now.  For the past two months my supervisor has been on maternity leave and I–lucky girl that I am–have taken over a lot of her responsibilities. 

Now of course, I meant that to be sarcastic, but when it first happened I did actually feel lucky. It was a chance to prove myself. It meant that I actually had enough actual work to do that I didn’t have to get creative in filling my time. But then the holiday season hit. Suddenly we were swamped with people, employees were calling out, and our equipment was breaking down. A perfect storm of total crap hit me straight on. And because our supervisor was gone, everything was being handed to me even though I didn’t actually have any “official” authority. Let’s just say I’ve been doing work far above my pay grade. 

Now I like working hard, and I don’t mind having responsibility, but it is pretty annoying when you have the extra work and responsibility,but none of the perks that are supposed to come with it. The best example is that I am currently making everyone’s schedule, but because I am not officially  management I don’t actually have access to the software in which we are supposed to record the hours that people are working.And of course, this also means that when someone has a problem with their schedule, I have to email the manager to get approval to change things or tell people that they can or can’t have time off, even though he never looks at the schedule and doesn’t actually know whether or not it should be approved.   

But all of this I have been dealing with and doing fine. I’ve been taking everything in stride. But then tonight…..Tonight I got a very entitled email from our lowest level employee stating that the most recent schedule I had posted wasn’t going to work for her and I needed to change it.  I double checked her availability, I hadn’t scheduled her during any time she wasn’t available. I combed my emails seeing if she had sent in a request to have that day off–she hadn’t. And yet she thinks that after a schedule is already up she can just email me all  nonchalant and I will cater to her every whim and mess everyone else’s shifts up because she’s suddenly decided she doesn’t feel like working on a certain day. Now I keep my cool at work, but this was too much for me. I was suddenly burning with a white hot anger and I couldn’t take it out on her and discipline her because I’m not actually a manager. Needing some sort of outlet, I resorted to doing quick ninja kicks aimed at nothing and shaking my fists up and down.  I wished I was a manager so badly so that I could respond to her email by saying “if that’s how you feel, you can go ahead and feel falsely entitled in the unemployment line because your ass is fired!”  

But of course I can’t do that. I don’t have the authority to do that. Instead I have to suck it up, wait until I’m less angry, and respond politely, letting her get away with being a pretentious bitch. I know that realistically, even if I were a manager, I would still need to keep my cool and respond calmly. But after going through so many frustrations the last couple months, I really wish I could just let it all out to this girl. It would be so incredibly satisfying.

My job isn’t really terrible, and I do still enjoy it most of the time, but it has just been a frustrating season, and I want it to be over. I’m sick of having to be so flexible in shifting back and forth between the management role, and the worker role. It’s exhausting. My work world is just too weird right now.