Recap: This month has been busy, and I’m not sure exactly what to write about in this post. I’ve learned a ton and felt both confused and secure in equal parts, but in all life is good and I’m glad to be where I am. Mostly.
The obvious thing to tell you about is my new job, which has taken up most, if not all, of my time lately. I easily work 60 hours a week and mess up only a few times less than I succeed, but in the same breath I feel strong and grateful, glad to be part of a cool company with cool people who both work and play hard.
I went on my first work trip a few days ago, road tripping 5 hours to a resort where we were presenters at an investor retreat. We hobnobbed with the former governor and other super rich investment celebrities I’d never heard of as they paid for our rooms and facials and manicures. It was nice being pampered a bit though all I really wanted was to go on a hike around the red rock of Southern Utah. I felt like the odd one out, being 20 years younger than most and being asked if I was married to my boss more than once seeing as all the other women there were wives or very well known. But it was good experience none the less and I feel much more comfortable with my boss now, though he still knows way less about me than I know about him.
I spent Saint Patrick’s Day working hard until six when I met my brother and friends for a few hours until I had to leave them at the bar and race home for a work call at 10pm. The call was useless and my night was mediocre at best since I was so worried about the call and wasn’t in the mood to socialize with ski bums. Not to mention a shot ski fell on us and broke my beer in my hand. But I went back to pick up my brother we had a really nice talk about life and relationships in the car ride home. He confessed a few things I’m really proud of him for and I know he genuinely meant it when he said I was someone he could always talk to. He’s doing a lot better lately, though he still struggles with finding good friends and making healthy choices. But when I think back on college I was lost too, lucky because I had great friends like the princesses to force me to get up and out, but mostly confused and dramatic, so I’m hopeful with his graduation coming up he’ll start to feel like his ‘real life’ has begun.
My roommates and I are getting along so much better than a few months ago, but I still struggle with whether to try and help them be better friends or to just keep them at a distance and let them be. Thankfully I’m not as sensitive as I was before, their moods quickly rolling off my ego and into pity… but I still care about them, and worry that if they can’t make me feel like their friendship is important, how are they going to convince others?
On Saturday night I went to see a movie alone, partially because I didn’t want to drag anyone to a movie I wasn’t sure they’d love and partially because I needed to remind myself of my strength. I’ve been in a fairly supportive mode lately with my job and my friends, taking their leads and making their lives easier, and while I usually don’t mind, sometimes I need to find a way to be the star of my own life. Going to a movie alone on a Saturday night helps me feel unique and independent. And I really wanted to see The Last Five Years, a musical with only a few lines of dialogue that I saw in play form a few weeks ago and have been listening to on repeat for months. The movie had its faults but in all it was a dream, and I’m glad it exists to show us there are two sides to every relationship.
My mother and I spent yesterday morning shopping for tile backsplash and it was nice to get along with her. I never know if we’ll clash or really connect when we hangout and lately it’s been much more good than bad, maybe we’re finally both growing up.
I feel like this is the worst post I’ve ever written, but I just haven’t quite wrapped my head around the meaning in my life yet. I’m not blissfully happy, but I’m not unhappy about it. That is a quote from the History Boys, it’s been too long since I’ve seen that play/movie. Anyway, I’m on my somewhere good, at least it feels that way.
Now I’m off to a work meeting and then to watch the opera where my friend is an extra. Not bad for a Sunday. Talk to you soon.
It sounds like this job is going to stretch you in lots of ways. Hob-nobbing with rich people already? I can’t wait to see where this takes you. I would feel really uncomfortable in this position if it were me, but I think you’ll thrive on the pressure/unknown. For sure you’ll get some great stories out of it and be able to network a lot.