A field guide to growing up without growing apart
That is the question. Okay, perhaps it’s not THE question, but it’s a question I had never really considered until I started working in an office. Now my work life largely consists of sitting at a desk sending emails, reading emails, or replying to emails […]
Maybe it’s the holiday season, but food has been on our minds lately. Isn’t it funny how everyone has different tastes and food philosophies? While none of us are vegan or gluten-intolerant, we still have unique perspectives on food. Cindy loves chocolate above all else–Sleeping […]
Not only is today Thanksgiving, but it is also Snow Whore’s birthday. In honor of our fair friend, here’s a surprise post to show her how much we love and appreciate her!
So today Snow is turning 25! I can’t believe it! I still have fun memories of many previous birthdays we shared together. One that sticks in my mind was in 7th grade. It was an epic middle-school-girls sleep over complete with many late night snack runs into the kitchen, and games of truth or dare (maybe my mind is making up crazy stories, but did someone go and sing a song about…. a banana to Snow’s older brother’s door? I think it happened). I also remember birthdays in our college days, with dorm-room parties and fun-fetti cake. I believe Booty still has one of the best ones on tape, when Cindy fulfilled Snow’s dream of being a princess by buying her the perfect, white, twirly dress.
We’ve had so many good times together, I have to say that I am sad to have missed this birthday… and the last one… and the one before that. England has some advantages (old books, holla!), but it has some real disadvantages- like the fact that I am never home to celebrate with you, Snow Whore! But I still love you and miss you and hope that your birthday is epic enough to rival even the best ones of those that came before!
–The Little Merskank
SW, you’re one of those people I know was placed in my life for a reason. From our first shared laughs in Spanish class to every crazy thing we’ve done since, I’ve always had a blast with you around. You are the life of the party and made mundane things like riding the bus and making breakfast into special moments. Now you’re turning 25! You’ve come so far since we met as 18 year old college freshmen, but the important things have stayed the same—your faith, your friendships, and your amazing zest for life. I’m really proud of how hard you’ve worked in the last few months, kicking booty at your job and persevering through the new challenge of having your husband out of town for weeks at a time. Our lives are more complicated than they were 7 years ago, but I’m sure we’ve got what it takes—don’t forget that. Your birthday falls on Thanksgiving this year, which reminds me more than ever how grateful I am to have you in my life, even if I can’t have you in my arms to give you your birthday hug. I hope you have an amazing birthday surrounded by family—and know that you have three sisters across the world missing you and loving you!
–Cinderslut
I’ve decided to show my birthday love via acrostic poem, mostly because I think they’re awesome but also because Snow has written so many beautiful poems I’ve appreciated in the past. So this one’s for you, the fairest one of all, Happy 25th Birthday.
SNOW WHORE
S is for STUPENDEOUS, because that is who she is.
N is for NATURAL TALENT, because that is what she lives.
O is for OUTGOING, there’s no one quite like her,
W is for WONDERFUL, she’s aware of that, I’m sure.
W is for WILD, her heart cannot be tamed,
H is for HONEST, her feelings cannot be feigned.
O is for ORIGIONAL, she’s always a surprise,
R is for RADIENT, she brings light to all our lives.
And E is for EXTRAORDINARY, my favorite girl it’s true,
Snow Whore you are one of a kind, I’ll love you till I’m blue.
–Sleeping Booty
Happy Birthday, girl! You’ll always be the fairest in our hearts.
The other day my husband wanted to tell me about an “interesting conversation” he’d had with a coworker. Apparently, during a casual conversation about their religious and cultural differences (Christian/Western vs. Muslim/Arab), the coworker had asked my husband if he would ever consider marrying a […]
Remember when you were a kid, and your parents took care of buying all the presents for various family members and friends on birthdays and Christmas? Those were the good ol’ days. Not only could you pick out a sweet birthday present for your friend […]
TGIF, because I really needed a weekend. I just finished my first whole week at my two new jobs, and I’m pretty beat. So far most things are going really well with both, but it’s been mentally and physically exhausting adjusting to a new schedule and adapting to my new roles and responsibilities. And I’m really looking forward to getting past the awkward stage of being the new person.
I have always hated starting new jobs. I never know what to expect, and it’s stressful to have to meet so many new people and get a handle on a whole new office/position/organization all at once. In the past, I have had some pretty bad experiences starting new jobs, though all of them turned out fine in the end.
In 2009 I started nannying part-time for a couple of families in Seattle. On my first day with one family, the dad got distracted while talking to me and didn’t see his 10-month-old son leaning precariously over the edge of the porch. The next thing we knew, the poor kid had fallen three feet down onto the concrete. On his head. It wasn’t my fault, of course, but it’s still never fun to show up for your first day of a childcare position and have the child whisked away to the hospital less than an hour into it.
On my first day with a different family, their dog got hit by a car, and I had to rush him to the vet—not exactly the way I envisioned the day going. Even my teaching job last year got off to a bit of a rough start: I had to report to work on about one hour of sleep, since we had just flown in from a vacation the night before at 4 a.m. Like I said, though, things always seem to even out and reach a sense of normalcy eventually…and I’ll be happy when that happens and I’m not the one feeling out of the loop.
My first job, which I go to from 7:30-11 four days a week, is as what the school calls a Shadow Teacher. Essentially, I am a special education aide working specifically with one ninth grade student who suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) about six months ago. He nearly died, and since then has made a ton of progress relearning things like walking and speaking in English and Arabic. I now accompany him to his classes and also work with him one-on-one to improve memory, focus, fine motor skills, etc. It’s new territory for me, but it’s been fun to try things out with him and see him get excited about small steps of progress. This job appeals to the teacher in me, and I love being in a school setting. I’m sure there will be some frustrating and tough days ahead, but this week went great. Fingers crossed.
My other position, which goes from 12:30-5 every day, is as a “communications analyst” for one of the administrative departments at a university. It’s an office job, which I’ve never held before and am not sure I really like. I sit at a desk (think cubicle without high walls), fiddle around on a computer, and help more important people with anything involving writing, editing, proofreading, communication, or design. The main problem I have with this job so far, though, is that I haven’t had enough work to do. I don’t really mind doing kind of tedious work, like reading through long documents, or typing up content, but I HATE feeling like a useless slacker. I was given a few things to do in my first two days, but after that, nothing. And, since my desk and computer are completely out in the open, I can’t just be using the time for Pinterest, Facebook, or YouTube. I have to find something to do that makes it LOOK like I am working, and yet doesn’t drive me out of my mind with boredom. So far some solutions I’ve found are online typing exercises, Excel tutorials, and reading through the novel the other princesses and I wrote. Still, these things don’t take too long, so I still spend a lot of time feeling awkward about my lack of productivity. There’s a lot of people to meet in the office, and I wish I could develop a rapport with them. But I’m hesitant to stop by their desks to chat when they seem like they are actually busy with something, and I am clearly not. Basically, I’m self-conscious and shy in these kinds of situations, and I need to build up the courage to take risks, prove my worth, and build relationships.
Having two jobs at once is great in some ways and crazy in others. I really have to shift gears after lunch everyday when I transition from teacher to office minion. That, not having any naps, and the general stress of starting something new has made me exhausted all week. On Wednesday, I walked in the door after work, said hi to my husband, lay down on the couch, and fell asleep. It’s been that kind of week. But, at least I can now say I’m employed, and at least a bit more productive than I was when I was home alone all day. For now, that’s good enough for me.
I’m excited to announce that my days of unemployment are numbered! You may recall that I recently had an interview for an office job. The interview went well, though of course I left the building thinking about all the things I should have mentioned but […]
Oh snap, ya’ll! Cinderslut had herself a job interview. I’ve now been unemployed for about three months, and I had pretty much resigned myself to being happy with my Master’s coursework and some odd tutoring jobs until the magical moment that a suitable teaching position […]
My first year of marriage was freaking awesome. Seriously, it really seemed like things couldn’t be better. We both had jobs we enjoyed, we had plenty of money, we traveled to more than 12 different countries, and we spent a ridiculous number of hours cuddling. I enjoyed that first year so much that I honestly wondered, will the honeymoon phase ever end? Of course, I know it always does, but I found myself pondering…dreading, really, the day the big reality bomb would explode on our life and make us just another typical married couple.
Lately I have been suspecting that the honeymoon is, in fact, over. First of all, we haven’t had sex in over a week. Note to self, must remedy this tonight! Nothing major has gone wrong, and it’s not like we are at each other’s throats, but something feels different. I think the seeds of discontent I’m sensing stem from our own individual frustrations with life, which we occasionally allow to get in the way of our relationship with each other.
For example, you know that we recently moved because of my hubby’s job. He was super stoked to make the move, and had been delaying it so I could finish out the school year with my students. When we finally did move, we found that we loved our new house and the quaint, quiet, picturesque community we now lived in, but the work situation didn’t live up to expectations. Basically, my husband feels like he isn’t being used to his full potential, and his teammates don’t always trust him with important stuff. Also, a big project he wanted to start got rejected by his boss, which caused a lot of disappointment. He’s even heard negative rumors about himself floating around the office. There are still perks to this new gig—living five minutes from work, wearing jeans instead of dress pants, and not having a boss constantly looking over his shoulder. But, all in all, he’s not as happy here as he thought he would be.
I’m in the same boat; even worse, in fact. Leaving my job was hard because I loved it so much, and the more I look into things at the school we live near now, the less promising it looks. Even though I’ll technically be a certified teacher in a few months, my dinky little one year of experience can hardly compare to the kind of people they usually hire: veteran teachers with 15-20 years of experience and credentials up the wazzoo. I wonder, how long am I willing to wait? It could be years before a suitable position becomes open, and even then, do I stand a chance against the best and brightest teachers of the world? Yes, in some ways I like having the free time that comes with unemployment, but I’m not ready to give up on my career. Now’s the time I should be building my resume and perfecting my skills, not letting them sit around gathering dust.
My husband and I are both relatively powerless in the face of these frustrations. His team’s dynamic isn’t going to change any time soon, and I am at the mercy of school administrators who rarely get around to answering my emails. That feeling of frustration and helplessness is easy to take out on your spouse. He complains about something unfair that happened at work, and I find it hard to truly empathize, when my own helpless situation is always at the forefront of my mind. I try to listen and be supportive, but there are times I just want to say, “Suck it up! It could be so much worse!” I suspect he struggles with something similar when hearing me opine about being unemployed. He suggest things like, “Just keep putting yourself out there,” and “Find something else productive to do.” Yeah, as if I haven’t already considered those ideas. Yes, I know I need to find alternative ways to be a productive citizen. I realize that I can’t always expect the good things in life to fall effortlessly into my lap. I’m working on it.
I know he is too. It’s not like we fight a lot or have really grown apart, but I sense our little dissatisfactions are re-coloring the rosy world we used to live in. I need to stop myself from taking out my problems on him, and force myself to dwell on those wonderful little moments that still make my heart feel like it’s about to burst into a gooey love explosion. Example: the other morning the first thing I heard him say, in that super cute sleepy boy voice he always has early in the morning, was, “In my dream I fell in love with you all over again, and when I woke up I just knew I needed to find you. And then I realized you were in my arms.”
So maybe the honeymoon is over. But in moments like those, it sure feels like it’s going strong. Maybe that’s what real marriage is like, little bits of uncomfortable reality and amazing bliss all mixed together.
Starting your career can be one of the biggest challenges of the Twenty-Something Condition. For me, the best steps I’ve taken in my career have been the ones I was hesitant about, the ones that felt like sacrifices but ended up being huge blessings. For […]
It’s been two months since I left my job as a high school English teacher behind and moved so my husband could follow his coworkers to their new location. He’s thrown himself into his work, which hasn’t been as fulfilling as he expected, while I’ve […]
Let me begin by saying that I am not pregnant. But what if I wanted to be? The idea of starting a family often niggles at the back of my mind, but is usually accompanied by feelings of anxiety. I used to think I could mark the ideal time to get knocked up on my calendar and sit back and wait a few years for that day to arrive, but these days the mere thought of procreating brings with it a lot more complicated and confusing thoughts.
I recently spent an awesome 3 weeks of vacation back in the U.S. of A., and most of that time was spent with my family and my husband’s family. The fun thing about my husband’s family is that his two siblings are both quite a bit ahead of us in the game of life—they each now have 3 children, well, one is still a fetus the size of a banana, but it counts. It’s always super fun to visit our nephews and niece; I love playing with them, cuddling them, and listening to all the cute things they say. And during this vacation we definitely got our fill of the cute kid-ness. Holding the newest baby, or worse, watching my husband hold her, tended to evoke warm, fuzzy feelings about how nice it would be to have one of our own. But then her older brother would poop his pants, and that rosy romantic idea would vanish. In fact, after living with the whole family and all those youngsters for seven straight days, there were moments when I was ready to swear off the idea of kids forever. Not because I don’t love them, but because there were so many painfully obvious differences between the relatively, fun, easy life I currently live and the lives my brothers and sisters-in-law were living. We slept in—they were up half the night with an infant or woken at the crack of dawn by restless toddlers. We kept our stuff neat, organized, and accounted for—they drove themselves crazy searching for the diaper bag that somehow went missing right before we were supposed to leave the house. We spent our days doing whatever we pleased—they were slaves to the schedules, moods, and needs of their kids.
Observing this dichotomy made me feel like I had two warring voices in my head, like if Smeagol was snuggled up against me going on about the fun blessings involved in creating and raising a new life, but meanwhile Gollum was in my other ear screaming and flinging his own feces around.
The way I see it, there are four stages a person goes through in relation to parenthood:
Up until recently I would have considered myself still in stage 1, with bigger fish to fry like enjoying being a newlywed and starting my career. But now, more than a year into my marriage, I can feel myself sliding suddenly into stage 2. If I got pregnant, would it be the end of the world? Probably not. Every month I find myself wondering…what if I didn’t start my period? Honestly, a small part of me kind of hopes that my birth control will fail.
But simultaneously, I love my life, and having a baby would irrevocably change things. No more traveling at the drop of a hat, no more free time to exercise or pursue hobbies, a huge influx in stress and responsibility…when I ponder these changes, I feel more committed than ever to waiting 4-5 years to start having kids, and maybe more!
Then you add in a variety of other considerations, such as the cost of having a baby, how many babies you want to have, and the fact that the risk of birth defects and other problems goes up the older the parents are. Do I want my kids to know my own parents? Because if I do, I should probably get started soon. But what about my career? If I start having kids before I really establish myself as a teacher, I might never go back. I think I’m too young for all this, but on the other hand it might be fun to be a young Grandma someday. It’s all so darn confusing, and there really doesn’t seem to be a perfect time.
So what’s my conclusion? Nothing really, other than that your 20’s have a nasty habit of throwing life-altering dilemmas like these in your face, and that bites sometimes. I’m sticking with birth control and the 4-5 year plan for now and trying to maximize this time in my life…but I don’t want to wait too long. I’m in stage 2. How about you?