A field guide to growing up without growing apart
This weekend I was asked THE DREADED QUESTION (What are you doing with your life) and didn’t really come out alive. By now you’d think I’d be good at deflecting this one, making up some sort of flowery answer that is somehow both satisfactory and […]
Some of the life milestones in our twenties have to do with fashion, as we mature past the skankier and more foolish choices of our teen and college years. I remember a few years ago wondering when I would begin shopping exclusively in the Misses […]
Summer is here! And so is our favorite time of the month when all four of us come together to discuss the same topic. This Monthly Condition post is more of a survey than a question, asking each of us princesses a few questions about our Spring. A lot can happen in a few months, but as usual one thing always remains the same – we’re still 20-something and we still haven’t found a cure:
First of all, I liked answering these questions because it reminded me of those surveys that used to go around on email and myspace back in middle school. So without further ado…
Thing that made you happiest to eat: There’s a Burger King near my new place that sells soft serve ice cream cones for 1 riyal (about 25 cents). Been there three times this week. Nuf’ said.
Moment you felt 20-something: When I browsed through some of my friends’ Linked In profiles and realized how far some people have come from the teenage versions of themselves that live in my memory.
Three things you learned: In the last three months I’ve learned bits and pieces of why Egypt is so ticked off at their President, how to write a simple line of computer code, and how to make my own yogurt.
Funny moment: Nothing is really coming to mind…maybe I need more humor in my life?
An adventure you went on: I flew to Dubai and played in a softball tournament. It was great to stay in one of those fancy Dubai hotels while simultaneously living out all my pent-up softball related fantasies. It would have been better if we’d won more games, though.
A conversation you had with a sibling: A topic my brother and I often discuss: which one of the three kids in our family currently holds “Favorite Child Status.” The current consensus is that he does, though I maintain that this is only because I’m so far away.
Thing you’re most proud of: Finishing my first year of teaching. As I mentioned in a previous post, it was the most amazing and challenging experience of my life.
Approximate weekly number of hours spent talking to people not in the same city as you: Well…so since I live across the world this number is going to be fairly high, or at least it would be if a 10 hour time difference didn’t mess up the Skype schedule so much. Basically all the people I love most in the world, other than my husband, live in a different city/country, and even he has been gone a lot on business recently! I’m going to say…6 hours per week, sometimes more.
A Book you read: Gone with the Wind has stolen my attention away from the never-ending Anna Karenina, and between the two of them it may be a while before I actually finish a book.
Song of your spring: Hall of Fame by The Script. I wrote the lyrics in several of my students’ yearbooks, because they summarize so well my dreams for them: “Be students, be teachers, be politicians, be preachers. Be believers, be leaders, be astronauts, be champions, be truth-seekers.” It was also the recessional at my school’s graduation a couple of weeks back. The perfect song to get stuck in your head for hours and bring up all kinds of nostalgic feelings.
Thing that made you happiest to eat: Popcorn, no questions asked. This spring I bet I make a huge bowl of it on the stove 3 times a week and I’ve even started going to more movies just so I can buy the large popcorn and get the free refill on the way out. I even invented a way to get it home without spilling at all. I’m a genius.
Moment you felt 20-something: Everyday, all day. It’s all I do. I most recently felt this way when I was talking to a 42-year-old and he said Jason Bateman used to be the juggernaut. Apparently he was in a show called Silver Spoons and I’m super young and everything wrong about the world because I haven’t heard of it. I also cried in a McDonald’s last week.
Three things you learned: Humidity doesn’t predict rain. Opening up old wounds hurts, but taking the time to help them heal properly is worth it. Parents are real people too.
Funny moment: My friend and I went to a theme park and I decided I was fine going on the Rocket – a thing that slowly raises you up and then drops you down a million miles. As it climbed I was talking out loud, feeling good, looking at the pretty view and commenting on what we could see when suddenly I panicked, screaming and yelling way before we were even at the top. I seriously thought I was going to die. Apparently it was funny because when we got to the bottom everyone on the ride smiled at me as I clung to my friend.
An adventure you went on: I had almost given up on finding the perfect backing fabric for my t-shirt quilt, making one last pass through the store before heading up to the counter with a boring beige that was… good enough, when I saw it. A perfect golden-yellow with a white snowflake pattern. It was magical love at first sight. But of course it was on clearance and a few yards short of what I’d need. All the stores we called were all out of it, all except one who said they should have it but wasn’t able to find it. I decided to take the risk and drive over there, wandering around for 45 minutes with the employees on a Friday night. Again we were on the verge of giving up, we’d looked everywhere multiple times when right where it should have been I found it. I jumped up and down screaming and my two helper friends ran over to celebrate with me. It was a moment I’ll never forget. Never settle.
A conversation you had with a sibling: My brother recently asked me to analyze his text conversations with a girl he likes. I decided he has a decent chance and told him to go for it. He is asking her to go swing dancing this weekend.
Thing you’re most proud of: That definitely has to be finishing my T-shirt quilt, though running a 10k through mud and obstacles is pretty cool too.
Approximate weekly number of hours spent talking to people not in the same city as you: I’d say I spend a solid 5 hours on the phone/skype with friends and another 6+ typing away on the interwebs. Does contributing to this blog count?
A book you read: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. To be honest the plot wasn’t my favorite; I never really got into the two magician’s love story, but what I did adore was their traveling circus and all the beautiful, amazing ways they used their magic and brains to make it incredible. I’m still so sad it doesn’t exist.
Song of your spring: Breathing Underwater by Metric. I heard it on the radio a few times and now it is everything I love about the world. It feels like a song for twenty-somethings, like we’re not sure if we’re doing anything right and yet we’re doing amazing impossible things at the same time.
Food: I’ve be going through a Beets craze for the last few weeks. Boiled, roasted, baked- beets are the best!
20-Something Moment: Friend-requesting an old professor from undergrad (she accepted!).
3 Things I’ve Learned: how to count the numbers in Italian; how NOT to make lasagna; how confusing yet awesome the Oxford undergraduate course is and how unlike any American university ever.
Funny moment: when I held the hand of the random fellow next to me on the plane when experiencing turbulence. Turns out he is an assistant professor in Belfast and told me to ‘look him up’ if I was ever in town. lol.
Adventure: off-trailing it around a castle in the Czech Republic. Can you say nettle stings, everywhere? But still worth it.
Conversation with Sibling: this is an easy one because I have only had one conversation with a sibling in the last three months. This was when I called my sister who recently moved to Costa Rica. It was not a great conversation really, as we kept it pretty surface (avoiding contentious topics). The main thing I remember was her telling me I needed to 1) learn spanish and 2) visit her in Costa Rica.
Most Proud: Asking a security-guard in Russian why the cemetery was closed- and getting let in!
Hours Talking: A lot. I don’t even know. Probably somewhere between 15 and 20.
Book: The Unbearable Lightness of Being. A book that manages to be both beautiful and off-putting at the same time; definitely worth my time.
Song: The Coast by Paul Simon.
Thing that made me happiest to eat: Macaroni and cheese. My husband and I are systematically going through restaurants in our city trying to find the best mac and cheese. Subsequently I know want to open a Mac and Cheese restaurant that specializes in tons of interesting variations on the classic.
Twenty Something Moment: My mother in law casually asked me if I had plans to use my degree at some point in the future. After she left I had a confidence melt down and cried for twenty minutes.
Three things I learned: Money isn’t everything. I need a girl friend to vent with at least once a month…probably more. I can never buy enough cereal to satisfy my husband.
Funny moment: Watching an 18 year old co worker. He is a puppy. That is legitimately the best way to describe him. I think if I threw a ball he would actually play fetch with me.
An adventure: My husband and I decided to drive with no destination in mind. It was a really fun day that ended with ice cream and a sunset beach.
Conversation with a Sibling: Literally the only reason my brothers call me is to ask if I will babysit. They call and try to seem like they just want to catch up and I have to have a couple minutes of awkward talk before they go ‘soooo anyway…I was wondering if…’ Honestly. I know you don’t really care how I am, so just get to the point.
Thing I’m most proud of: I got promoted at work.
Hours talking to someone in different city: I have no idea. Honestly not as many hours as I wanted to.
Book I’ve Read: The only book I’ve been reading lately is with my husband and it’s called “The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller.
Song of my Spring: Stubborn Love by the Lumineers
Friends I’m worried. What if social media is ruining our ability to actually presently enjoy anything? On Saturday I went to this thing called Color Me Rad and even though hundreds of people were theoretically there to enjoy themselves, in actuality I was hard pressed […]
So I’m single. I have been for a while. And in my day to day life it is most often not an issue. I have great family and friends and I don’t feel I lack love in any way. I even find ways to get […]
So I Went To California.
Oh man. Where to start? A list of course!
want that, a field I love, a place I know I’ll enjoy no matter the level of experience I’m in. How do people choose that? How do you decide to be happy in one area and not be afraid to take the time you need to work up to the position you want? I want it all, and I’m afraid I’m going to end up with nothing.This rarely happens on planes so I smiled to myself at the opportunity, fully planning to squander it by shyly absorbing myself in my book(which I hadn’t found a spare second to read all week) but as luck would have it this male peer was less apathetic than myself and put it upon himself to speak to me. Like many people, I tend to make jokes when I get nervous, so what could have been a short. “Hey, how are you. You’re nice for switching seats,” conversation turned into a full on flirt fest. (Also, who decided that feeling uncomfortable should be a sign of attraction anyway?).
Did I mention he was attractive? Nothing as perfect as the bus guy, but still and he was outgoing enough to make me bold. Before long we were really talking; he’d only flown once before and is the middle child of 5 boys, likes dirt bike racing and is on his way to becoming an EMT. I told him about my trip and my current lack of direction, why I fly on planes so much and what I miss about Seattle. It was nice and he was interesting; it had been a while since I’d held eye contact a few seconds too long. But as the flight continued and we got to know each other it became apparent that even if we lived close enough to date, I wasn’t interested.
He told me his family never vacationed together, that they’d never had the time or money to spend on things like that. He hadn’t gone to college and just quit his job of managing a Subway restaurant to join a year long church program that would eventually place him as an intern in his home church. He said he’d never really connected with his brothers. He said he knew exactly how his life would look from here on out. I liked him, I really did, but I travel all the time with my well –off family. I’m close with my brother and expect my children to get college degrees. I’m not religious and I have no idea what my future will bring. I found myself shocked as I realized these things mattered, even though they seem so secondary.
It’s terrible really, that a few external things can make such a difference, but as I’ve gotten older the more value I place on background and outlook in my relationships.
So why is it that a person’s background is such a turn on or off? Is it biological in that my ovaries aren’t willing to take the risk that he might turn out like his drunken brothers? Is it emotional in that I I’ll never be able to fully understand him? Or is it more about my privilege, wanting to find someone similar so I don’t have to feel guilty for being born into a happy home?When it comes to friendships, I feel like I gravitate toward people different than me; I crave adventure and new experiences. But I hold the people I date to a different standard, one that may well be impossible to meet. I want to be challenged, but apparently not by someone with less wealthy, outdoorsy and educated parents than myself. I want to choose my favorite passions, but I don’t want to fall in love with someone who thinks he has it figured out. I want to have children with a person who believes in magic, but not to raise them in a church.
I don’t know what it is, and part of me still hopes I’ll meet someone worth ‘overcoming’ our initial differences, but when I look at every happy couple in my life, they have most of those fundamental things in common. I used to believe opposites attract, but lately I feel more like the saying is opposites don’t attach.
We talked the rest of the flight, learning about each other and discussing philosophy and emotions. I got him to admit to feeling lonely and left out by his brothers and he got me to talk about what I want in the future. I learned a lot and had a wonderful time. I even got to debate religion with him. But I stopped worrying what he thought. We were different, and no matter what else we found in common, we’d always be platonic.
So, you know that BBC series Merlin? And you know that guy who plays Gwaine? And you think he is the most attractive man to walk the planet, playing the most chivalrous Arthurian character to grace the pages of Malory? No? Well, me either. But […]
My name is Sleeping Booty and I’m a hoarder. Well, sort of. I like to think of myself more as a memory preserver than a junk collector, more like an information database than a maggot infested trash dump. I’m a keeper of records and saver […]
Don’t get me wrong, I love Easy A. Emma Stone was spot on and everything her parents say makes me happier than a baby monkey riding on a pig, but when my dad and I came across the movie while flipping channels this weekend he said the thing we’ve all been thinking: What happened to Amanda Bynes? There she was plain as day, playing the insecure antagonist when just a few short years ago she would have had this lead on lock. What happened to that actress from The Amanda Show who wasn’t afraid to look ridiculous or take a few risks? What happened to the girl who only accepted roles that showcased her independence, courage and gumption? What happened to the Amanda that inspired a generation of girls to fight for what they want?
Maybe Hollywood happened, I know I would crumble under the pressure of an interviewer telling me to lose 15lbs before he’d hire me. Maybe sex changed her, I heard she likes to meet boys at clubs now and her twitter posts aren’t exactly empowering. Or maybe it was just good old fashioned drugs and alcohol; a ton of alleged hit and run (while possibly intoxicated) charges in the last few years seem to signify a problem. I don’t know what happened, but instead of seeing my favorite energetic, intelligent, passionate on-screen friend, I catch glimpses of someone else, someone wrong. New Amanda seems like an insecure girl who isn’t happy, isn’t inspired, and frankly doesn’t seem to realize who she is. What happened Amanda? Are you okay? How do we get you back?
I refuse to believe that her writers and directors are solely responsible for her magic. And I refuse to believe that all that epic that she once was has simply disappeared never to return. Maybe it will take a few more years before she figures it out, and maybe it will take a few years after that for everyone else to come back around but until then I’m going to keep on believing in Amanda, because we’re all 20-something and figuring it out; she just has to do it in front of the world.
So here it is! I give you my
TOP TEN REASONS WHY AMANDA BYNES WILL ALWAYS BE AWESOME:
She’s the queen of physical comedy. Her face can go in every way and she isn’t afraid to fall hard. She’ll try anything and push her limits. She’s not afraid to make a fool of herself on camera. And because of that we love her all the moreWE WANT AMANDA! WE WANT AMANDA! WE WANT AMANDA!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JC-FNKLl3sg
When fellow 20something David asked if we’d contribute our stories to his blog, 20somethings in 2013, of course we obliged. How AWESOME is it that we can all connect like this?! We’re all so different and yet all exactly the freakin’ same. I love it. Maybe […]
So this whole working for my dad thing is complicated. The major things are great. We get along ridiculously well and when we get home we don’t bolt to opposite corners of the house. My mom isn’t too jealous of the time we spend together […]
Naughty Princesses Assemble! We’ve been at this whole blogging thing for a few months now (so far so good??) and I figured it was time you folks learned a bit more about the four of us and why we go by the pseudonyms we do! And while our royal appointments that fateful November night really had much more to do with hair color than anything, now 5 years later these naughty identities have become a greater part of us than we ever could have predicted.
So for our March Condition of the Month I’ve asked my fellow princesses to give you fine folk some insight into our characters and what being a naughty princess means. But before we dive in I want to clarify one quick thing.
If you ever watch commercials anymore (I know they’re SO out) you’ve seen the new I am a Princess ad that is working its booty off to rehabilitate the Disney Princess image. We all know that in recent years the term princess has taken on some… negative connotations… and they’re not unjustified. People say they teach an impossible ideal of beauty, a sexist view of waiting to be saved by a man and a one-dimensional aspect of personality. But, like the ad says, these classics teach much more than finding a one true love and as you will see below, it’s about what you take from the character, not what the character takes from you. And while I’m sure Disney’s motive is more financial than inspirational, I still can’t help but be glad to see princesses coming back in favor, long may we reign.
Cinderslut:
Top 5 reasons I identify with my princess
Aside from the obvious similarities between Cinderslut and Cinderella, namely that we’re blonde and blue is definitely our color, I also find her to be something of a kindred spirit. Both of us were never part of the popular crowd and were ostracized somewhat by our peers (evil stepsisters). But, we got through it by going with the flow and doing our best at whatever we could, even if it was just mopping the floors. But the thing I like best about Cinderella is that she always could recognize and appreciate internal beauty. She knew she wasn’t as high up and privileged as her stepsisters, but she didn’t want to be them, not truly. She saw them for what they were: ugly on the inside. Instead of dwelling on what she couldn’t have, she surrounded herself with friends who were good-hearted and cared about her, and that’s what I have always tried to do. Even if some of the perks of the step-sisters’ lifestyle would have made me jealous, I’d prefer my true friends any day.
But my namesake and I are not identical. The biggest difference I see is that Cinderella is just flat-out good. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, whereas I have at least half a ribcage full. She never struck back at her oppressors, and she was consistently self-sacrificing. But I, on the other hand, would have ripped Drizella’s ugly face off if she tried to keep me from that ball. So, you know, different strokes for different folks. I mean, that’s why I’m Cinderslut, not Cinderella. I have a bit of a dark side.
What about my man, how does he stack up to Cinderella’s fairytale prince? Well, at first I couldn’t really think of any similarities. But then I found one: both are persistent, and it is that persistence that resulted in a happily-ever-after. Cinderella’s prince got a glimpse of his dream girl, and he wouldn’t stop until he had her back. The same thing happened with my husband and me after I broke his heart. He still loved me and wouldn’t give up, and although it took a little more than sliding a slipper onto my foot to bring me back, eventually I did let him put a ring on my finger. At some points before we got back together I considered him a stalker, rather like Cinderella’s prince who literally goes door-to-door until he finds her. But I guess that just proves that there’s a fine line between a stalker situation and a fairy-tale romance. And I’d say Cinderella and I both lucked out on that one and ended up with the prince, not the predator.
Sleeping BootyTop Five Reasons I identify with my princess
As for what I don’t like about Aurora, I obviously don’t love that she waited around so often, waiting to turn 16, waiting to meet her prince, waiting to be saved from the dragon witch. But I can’t really blame her, waiting around is a hard habit to break, and I definitely don’t have it all together all the time. I often feel like I’m waiting for my life to begin.
And as for the future, I’m going to have my fun with Eric. As far as I can remember the other princes are always so fashionable and put together, even the beast is always dressed to the nines. I want to climb cliffs and jump into the ocean and run through the meadow until we’re covered in mud. I love that he takes action to save his friends from danger and is always talking out loud trying to puzzle things out. Eric and I would sail the world with our big slobbery dog, visiting friends and setting off fireworks.
How do I identify with my princess? Well I feel like I sort of already wrote a post on this. But aside from the basic things, like my red hair and the fact that I love mermaids, I would say that I also identify with Ariel’s enthusiasm for life. She has so much energy and zeal! It is inspiring. Although I have down days, like everyone does, I like to think I am a pretty positive person. I love my life—I feel so blessed every day that I get to spend my time doing what I love and what excites me.
How am I not like Ariel? Well, I am definitely not as impulsive as her. Ariel’s impulsiveness gets her into trouble, so I am not sure it is really a quality I need to emulate but sometimes I worry I go too far the opposite direction. I can be too rational, too staid—dare I say it?—perhaps even boring. Sometimes you just need to go for something, and not think twice. Another way I like to hope I am not like Ariel (maybe I am only dreaming here) is that her entire focus seems to be on men. I mean, the minute Eric walked on stage it was like her friends, her family, her life—it was all out the window. I think I am still waiting for my Eric to make this entrance, but I like to think that even now I have things and people in my life that are important, and that I won’t jettison the second some guy wins my heart.
The best prince? Definitely, the beast. I mean he has his flaws- he can’t control his temper after all- but he seems the most human (ha!) of all the princes. I feel like we never really get to know Prince Charming, or the Cinderella’s prince (what was his name?) or Eric. They just feel like place-holders. The beast on the other hand not only has a personality, but he changes and grows over time. Plus, that scene where he has Belle close her eyes and leads her into the library: talk about best Disney scene ever! Not only is the library totally gorgeous, but it shows that he knows her—he has taken the time to see who she is and what makes her happy. None of the other princes in Disney movies ever do that. So yes, the beast is the best. And my happy ending, well, that big, beautiful library sounds pretty tempting… just me, the beast, and pile full of books! Sounds like a happily ever after to me!
Snow Whore
Ok, so I’m going to be honest. I don’t really feel like I identify with Snow White at all. I am happy with my princess name, but it is not because I love Snow White, it’s just because the name is clever. Snow White has always been my least favorite Disney movie, mostly because whoever did the voice of Snow White has one of the most annoying voices in the history of mankind. So when I think of Snow White, all I think of is her high pitched squeaking, and the enormous amount of vibrato she has when singing. Am I watching a Disney movie, or am I at the opera? Come on people! But I generally forgive Disney because that was their first full length movie and they were still figuring things out. Also, even apart from the annoying voice, Snow White is the weakest princess, and I definitely do not want to identify with that. All she does is run away, and then clean house. Instead, I tend to run straight into people, and leave my house with some very healthy clutter.
Now as for my favorite Disney prince, it’s Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty all the way. He rides a horse, waltzes in the forest, and kills a dragon. Enough Said. I’ve definitely had many a fantasy of being surprised by my own prince in the forest, swept into his arms, and serenaded as we dance the afternoon away. I even tried to convince my husband to learn to waltz so we could recreate that scene. It would have worked if only he had any rhythm.
Since this is my condition of the month I get to have the final word. Princesses Rule.