A field guide to growing up without growing apart
Speaking of work, because that is all I have to talk about apparently, I asked for equity today. When I started working here in February of 2015 there were no employees, just a CEO with an idea and some sales and two of his […]
A month or two ago we hired a new person at the company I work for and since we are small and haven’t hired anyone new in a while, it has been a bit of an adjustment. Because we’re so tight knit, we’re pretty flexible […]
This week I’ve been reading Amanda Palmer’s book, The Art of Asking, and everyone needs to read it.
I mostly want this because she means so much to me and I’d love everyone else to connect with her too, but also because her simple message is essential. We’re better together.
As my early twenties have pushed into my late twenties, I’ve found myself experiencing less and less of those magical moments of connection I used to find all the time. It has become harder and harder for me to connect with a stranger on a bus, or to smile at a person who walks by, or to find a moment of grateful silence in my day. I have a lot of excuses for why my connection with my surroundings has been diminishing – I drive to work instead of walk, my friends have moved away, my body isn’t perfectly in shape or acne free yet, I’m out of practice being outgoing, other people don’t need to be bothered…
But Amanda reminds me to fight for these moments connection, that I’m not only allowed to ask them of others, but I’m helping them out if I do. If I want to share a wish of goodwill with the friend I made at the coffee shop line, it is likely that they want it too. Just because we can survive, even thrive, on our own, doesn’t mean we’re better off.
Independence is something we’ve been taught to value so highly. I work really hard not to ask too much of people, not to be a bother, not to rely on them, but as I read her book I’m forced to realize how limiting this mantra is. Sure I can make dinner on my own and not starve, but if I ask my friend the brilliant chef for some help I’m going to have a better end result.
I don’t know the meaning of life. Some days I think it is to have and create as many moments of joy as possible, some days I think it is all about growth and being better than you were the day before, some days I think it is all about making other people’s lives easier. But I do know that connecting with the people and the world around us is the way to accomplish all of it.
If you really don’t want to read the book (but you still should), you can watch her TED talk instead.
Secrets aren’t my favorite. By nature I’m definitely inclined to provide more information rather than less. I want to make sure everyone who would appreciate an invite has one, everyone who is affected to be notified, everyone who has an opinion to have a chance […]
Today I bailed. When I think of bailing on something, I think of totally and completely failing. To bail is to let weakness and fear and laziness and confusion win. It is not only have given the wrong answer in the first place, but also […]
It is crazy how difficult it can be to start writing again after taking a long break. Everything looks cheesy on the page and every idea either seems over dramatic or completely uninteresting. I want to be able to tell you guys about the best parts of my summer, about how many awesome camping trips and friends I got to connect with, about the time I spent with my family, or about how much I LOVE having my own space to come home to. But I also want to be honest about the tough parts of my summer, about how scared I am that I’m wasting my time on a job that doesn’t encourage me or on craft projects for friends who I might not stay in touch with, about how I will always worry that my brother isn’t okay if I haven’t heard from him in three days, or about how badly I want to be a mother but how scared I am to end up in a bad relationship.
Everything in my life lately feels like a contradiction, like I’m caught in between doing things that make me happy and things that I think will make me happy in the future. And somehow nothing on either side feels right. I know this confusion is coming from turning 28 in a week, about no longer being able to see myself as a youth with all the time in the world, but as an almost thirty something whose life is only going to be as good as I make it.
I’m excited to get older, I really am, but I only it want it to happen if I do it right. I want to find a community I don’t want move from, find friends I don’t have to censor myself around, find a job I feel respected in. I can’t wait to be 35 or 45 or even 90, as long as I don’t look back at those years with regret. But for the life of me I can’t tell if the way I’m living now is good enough or, what’s worse, if it ever will be.
I know I’m doing a lot of things right and I’m so incredibly grateful for so many moments I’ve had this year, but when I tried to casually talk about myself last week to a friend I found myself getting caught up in the word happy, barely getting it out like I was saying an I missed you to someone I didn’t mean. I’m not unhappy, and I’m always excited for the things in my life yet to come, but happiness is such a huge, magic thing that if I’m honest with myself I don’t think I’ve reached.
I don’t struggle to see that there are hundreds of things I can do now or tomorrow to get me closer to that state of being, but what I can’t figure out is how to prioritize them. There is only so much time in a day, a week, a month. How do I decide whether more time at the gym, or growing my career or finding better relationships is more worth my time? I know I don’t have to choose, or even stick to one attempt, but I want to make conscious choices to better myself and in everything I do it always seems to come back to there is too much to do and too little time.
In my mind there are three things that make an adult, and as of one week ago I officially have leveled up to all three. First, paying for your own health insurance. Nothing says welcome to the real world, sucker, like a monthly bill for […]
Have you guys been watching The Bachelor this season? Ben isn’t the most interesting of men, but he’s tall, kind, and young, which make for a winning combination if you ask me. In college we used to gather together with junk food and craft projects […]
Saying yes isn’t always easy. But I think it is worth it.
We had much needed snow storm on Monday, bringing about two feet of snow to northern Utah. In years past we would have had feet of snow by this time of year, but the last few weeks have been in the 60s, not a drop of snow anywhere except the top of the mountains. So when a giant storm hit on Monday the whole city stopped, trying to adjust to a condition that we used to be conditioned to.
I’m lucky in that I can work from home on snow days, and had the time to help dig my housemate’s car out of the driveway. All day I watched from my window as the tow truck pulled out my neighbor’s car and others slipped and skidded down my road. It was nice to have a day snowed in; I got tons of work done for my job and around the house, all while taking frequent breaks for tea and snacks. It was a perfect low key, quiet day and at 7pm when I was scrolling through Facebook I was in a sleepy, happy mood.
I saw that my cousin had just checked in to the nearby airport, so I commented that he should stay a while next time. Within seconds he’d personal messaged me to talk, explaining he was on his way home for the holiday and his transfer flight had gotten delayed. We talked for a bit, catching up and making jokes since I haven’t seen him in a few years. I was still halfway working at the time, so I wasn’t too focused when I realized that I had suggested he ask the front desk if he could catch a flight the next day for free. He replied immediately saying he’d ask, and as I sat there waiting it hit me that I’d actually just offered to get in my car during a blizzard, pick him up from the airport and let him stay on my couch.
Now my first reaction was to bail. I was so comfortable! I was planning on falling asleep in an hour! I could get stuck! I’d have to do something fun to make it worth his time! All these excuses swirled through my mind as I tried to settle on one that was valid, but I knew none of them were. The right thing, the best thing, was to just suck it up, put on a coat and have fun. So I did.
A half hour later I picked him up from the airport and took him to dinner at a place I’d been meaning to try. We talked for two hours over a giant meal and beers, gossiping about family and figuring out how we’ve changed over the last few years. He’s in the military and I hadn’t even realized he’d been in Afghanistan and Quatar for the last 6 months. He didn’t know anything about the job that’s been my life for the last year. We talked about futures and pasts and wandered through a big box store to find fun pajamas for him. Nothing crazy, or wild happened, but just spending time with him was worth it.
I made it through the storm in my stick shift and he feel asleep on my couch at 11pm. At 7am the next day we got back in the car and I took him back to the airport, both glad that we’d said yes. It’s not always easy to leave the house, and participate in the world. But I’m always glad when I do.
I’ve never wanted to live alone. To me living alone has always seemed like a bad idea. I don’t want to be lonely or lazy, have high expenses or tons of housework. I don’t want to have to call people to hangout with all the […]
For this month’s COTM I’ve asked my fellow princesses how they feel about the words YES and NO. Which one do we say more of and how has that changed over our lifetime? This is a fundamental question I’ve thought a lot about in the […]
To me, it’s always seemed like the story of Cinderella has a pretty obvious theme – it is better to be kind than cruel. Sure Ever After stretched this into more of a be intelligent and inclusive idea and the Disney cartoon is pretty heavily focused on wishing yourself out of tough situations, but in general the main point remains, be kind and you’ll get your happily ever after.
So while watching the new live action Cinderella a few days ago I was happy to see that the repeated mantra of the film was, have courage and be kind. To me it perfectly sums up what the Cinderella story is all about, and is exactly how we should go about our daily lives.
But, to my complete and utter surprise, the friend I was watching with didn’t receive this message of hope and kindness from the film at all. She said that it just goes to show being too nice doesn’t get you anywhere. It hurt my soul a little to hear her say that, and though I get where she is coming from it scares me a little that people can receive such different messages from the same information.
I know I’m inclined towards being kind, whether it’s just my nature or I learned it from my parents, kindness is one of the things I strive for. So it makes sense that I latched on to this facet of the film, that I saw it as the major theme. And it also makes sense that my friend, who is more selective with her kindness, saw a theme that people who are nice to everyone just get taken advantage of.
So who is right? And what else did we miss? How many other things am I missing because I see what I want to see?