A field guide to growing up without growing apart
It is crazy how difficult it can be to start writing again after taking a long break. Everything looks cheesy on the page and every idea either seems over dramatic or completely uninteresting. I want to be able to tell you guys about the best […]
In my mind there are three things that make an adult, and as of one week ago I officially have leveled up to all three. First, paying for your own health insurance. Nothing says welcome to the real world, sucker, like a monthly bill for […]
I’m only going to use a very small portion of a Taylor Swift song to describe my life, but it’s accurate. You see, there is a lot of chaos at my work right now that is all due to two different people. So all I can think is ” I knew you were trouble when you walked in”.
To be honest I had a hard time finding a T-Swift song to match my life right now, probably because my life is pretty different from Taylor’s! In college I felt like almost all her songs spoke to me in some way, but her more recent stuff hasn’t hit the same chords with me. Most of my favorite Taylor songs are from those college years, but I couldn’t truly choose most of them because they remind me more of how my life used to be than what it is right now.
In the end I picked Taylor Swift’s “Ours.” It’s typical of the kind of song of hers I like, cute and happy (not like her edgier new stuff). The lyrics don’t actually reflect my life that well because I don’t actually think I’m going through any kind of rough patch, but one scene in the music video fit me so perfectly that I actually laughed out loud. Taylor’s at work in her boring office , and when she goes to the copy machine, it’s out of paper. She comes back and it’s still not working. She comes back with a new toner cartridge and the copier isn’t even there! This is so typical of how “technology” works at my school. The internet is working, then suddenly it isn’t, then suddenly it is but half the websites are blocked, etc. We have constant issues with our printers and copiers, and I end up sending passive aggressive emails to our tech guy 3-4 times per week when I go to print something and find that there’s no paper, again. These are minor annoyances, but they’re the kind of thing that grates after a while. We’ve even had a couple of teachers up and quit already this year because they couldn’t handle all the things that just don’t work right.
I guess what I’m saying is, the worst things in my life right now are really quite minor, stuff like being frustrated about a broken printer. The rest of it is like the upbeat, catchy tune of this song: fun and happy.
Hmm. Tough question. Not only because I feel slightly removed from Taylor Swift and her music lately, but also because I have no idea how I feel about my life right now. I went to a doctor’s appointment last week and they asked me to talk a little about my life – you know, small talk to make me feel comfortable – and I had a really hard time answering. I told them I work a lot, which is definitely true, but I felt really weird that I didn’t have a solid answer for who I was. I know I like things, and do things, and work towards things, but lately (and maybe always) I feel pretty unsure of whether I’m taking steps to become who I want to be. Most days I’m fine, there are things to do, distractions to take over, but other times I let the fear in and worry that I’m missing out on something.
So after a few lyric searches and YouTube videos, I’ve settled on Change as the song that best represents my life right now. It’s a positive anthem about how life is hard sometimes but also a reminder that as long as we don’t give up, things will get better. I don’t necessarily feel like anyone is pushing me down, or even that my life is particularly difficult right now, but I like the idea that the more we do fall and struggle, the stronger we become. Sure, I’m a bit lost right now, but as long as I keep moving forward and winning little battles within myself I’m still good.
Because these things will change.
If I was going to describe an aspect of my life right now with a song, I would pick Out of the Woods. This is not one of my favorite TS songs— a little too repetitive for my tastes. However, the central lyric that she hits over and over again does resonate with me. Are we out of the woods yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet, good. The feeling of really wanting to know you’ve made it but somehow not quite being there yet describes how I feel about my PhD. I have been working and working for years now towards the goal of having a PhD and being able to get a job of some sort in academia. Between teaching, publishing a paper, and working my butt off on my dissertation, I have doing my best to come up with a stellar resume. But even somehow even with all my work, I still don’t really know: am I out of the woods yet? Am I in the clear yet? Will my efforts really be good enough to secure me a future in academia?
I’ve never wanted to live alone. To me living alone has always seemed like a bad idea. I don’t want to be lonely or lazy, have high expenses or tons of housework. I don’t want to have to call people to hangout with all the […]
Driving is one of my least favorite things about being a grown up. In Seattle I didn’t have a car. I lived on the busses and trains, walking to friends’ houses, work and grocery stores everyday for years. And while I admit that walking is […]
Most days I work fairly hard not to feel entitled. Life is tough for everyone, but I am fully aware how good I have it. Sure things could be better (like women’s rights or access to quality news), but in general I know I am one of the lucky ones.
A few years ago I wrote a post about our entitled generation, claiming that we really weren’t as bad as the world thinks we are, but when I listen to my brother complain about how he deserves money from our parents I really struggle to relate. He is about to graduate from college (a year late) and has no future plans at all. I know for a fact he hasn’t even considered applying for any jobs and while he still has a few weeks of summer classes left (Spanish and yoga), his work ethic doesn’t exactly inspire confidence. It’s not my place to get involved (though I do), and he’s really more or less responsible for his age, but when he says shit like, “I chose a less expensive school than you so they should give me the lump sum of difference from your expensive school,” I get a tiny bit upset.
First I got into ridiculously expensive schools but choose to go to a state school, yes it was more expensive than staying in state, but I was realistic about what made the most sense for me and my family, who I was lucky to happily to pay for college. He went to an out of state school for his first year (exactly the same price as mine) and then promptly failed all his classes and transferred back to Utah to go to an in-state school. Not because it was cheaper, but because he didn’t do well at his first try. He did not make some agreement with our parents to save them money, he chose all this because he wasn’t ready for the responsibility.
His argument makes no sense, and while I get that he feels like now he is responsible enough to handle money he thinks he deserves, the way he approaches things make me feel like he is the farthest from responsible that there is.
We had a long talk the other day about how he wishes he didn’t have to prove to people (me and the parents) that he was ready for things, that we would have faith in him that when he says he is ready for something that he is. But how in the hell can I do that when he really has yet to give me reason to trust him?
I’m proud of him in how far he’s come over the last few years, and we get along very well, I’d even say I expect him to do well for himself in the coming years, but there is no way I’d loan him $5,000 to ‘get on his feet’ right now, or even trust him to make good choices if left to his own devices. He was going to go on a road trip to check out cool places to live and check in with friends last month when he had a few weeks off, but he bailed to sit in his basement and play video games instead.
When I was taking my last classes of college I didn’t have anything figured out either, and I get not wanting to work at a lame job you don’t want, but I definitely didn’t expect my parents to pay me a lump sum for graduation so I could figure it out. I had enough saved from the days when they supported me and knew that if I didn’t figure it out before I ran out of cash I’d have to either move home or take out a loan (probably from them).
So what is the difference between me and him that he thinks he is owed money from our parents? Is it because he was born in the 90’s? Is it because he is the second/youngest child? Is it because he is male? Is it because I made things look easy? Is all of this in my head?
Really, I’m asking you, why do I feel like we see the world so differently?
I don’t know if I’m happy. I’ve been working really hard the last few months at a new job and it feels really good. I like the concept of the company; I like the odds that it will succeed – setting me up with some […]
Onward and upward! We’ve loved every minute of our time at wordpress.com but in honor of the new year (2015 already?! SERIOUSLY?!) we’ve upgraded to an official site! www.twentysomethingcondition.com If you’re already following us your subscription should be transferred automatically and if not please turn […]
It seems like everything always changes on my birthday.
In my first year of college my birthday was the day that really solidified my friendship with the naughty princesses and made Seattle seem like home. On my birthday the year after I decided to apply for a spring study abroad in Greece and by my birthday junior year I was registering for journalism classes to get my double major. After we graduated my birthday was the day that Cindy’s prince proposed and we all started our paths to go our separate ways, I even got a high school basketball coaching job around then. A year after that I had just moved back to Utah when I was offered an engineering job on my birthday and started living and working with my father. A year after that I was buying a plan ticket to Europe on my birthday, taking steps to travel for 5 months and do something I’d always wanted.
So it makes sense that on my birthday this year things are changing again. I turned twenty six on Friday and as of that minute I am now unemployed, uninsured and paying rent.
I’m definitely equal parts freaked out and totally not worried, seeing as so many other things in my life are so great and every year I go through a time of unknown like this right around my birthday. I’m so grateful to have great friends and family that I know will help me out if something really ends up going wrong, but I’m confident things will work out as long as I don’t completely hide my head in the sand these next few weeks.
I have until November 15th to pick an insurance provider on the health.gov website and then I’ll have health insurance. So that is something I have control of and I’ve given myself a Thanksgiving deadline to find a ‘grownup job’ before I just take any easy job I can get to pay rent while I keep looking for the right career. And after working an easy job this summer I know I can handle it, so there is really nothing to worry about. I can do this unknown thing, because so many of the best things in my life came from moments like this, when I had no idea what to expect and just said yes to whatever felt right.
I think twenty six is going to be my best year yet. And believe me, it will be hard to top traveling Europe at 25, rafting the Grand Canyon at 24, coaching basketball, teaching science and taking care of my grandfather at 23, getting math and journalism degrees at 22, moving out of the dorms into a house with friends at 21, studying abroad at 20, meeting the naughty princesses at 19, and growing up with a family I am so proud of and grateful for.
With so many highlights and so many other millions of magical moments in between, a little unknown is something I can totally deal with.
We’ve all been a little (try a lot) distracted this month, so rather than scrap our monthly condition post we’ve just decided to post it now (very, very late) and talk about the things that distract us. <>><<>><<> Man oh man am I busy. That’s […]
So there was this guy. I know, I know, for as single as I am (hint: very) I write about boys a disproportional amount. How many crushes and almosts can a girl really talk about before her friends start to worry? But, please, bear with […]
OUR QUARTER LIFE CRISIS IS HERE!
In the spirit of me and Cindy turning 25 in a few days, I’ve asked the girls to discuss their Quarter Life Crisis for November’s Condition of The Month. Maybe it has to do with Thanksgiving gratefulness, or maybe it’s just because we’re all doing way better than we could be, but I think this twenty something life looks good on us.
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So, I feel like I need to begin by establishing that I am the youngest member of the naughty princesses. Unlike my more-mature counterparts, I just turned 24 at the end of August, so for me 25 still seems a terrifying- yet distant- number.
But why is it terrifying? I mean, I know it shouldn’t be, but 25 just sounds so… old. Somehow I am still carrying around my teenage vision of being 25 which involves sexy pencil-skirts, a sophisticated free-lance career, and a studio apartment in New York City.
Somehow I now seriously doubt that will be my life at 25. And honestly, I don’t actually want any of those things– I have never been a pencil skirt person, and who needs New York when you have England anyway?… But still, that vision exists somewhere there in the back of my mind with the words: twenty-five stamped on it.
But a quarter life crisis? I don’t think there will be much of one for me. I am really happy with my life right now– so although I know that 25 will not meet my teenage expectations, I think it will supersede them! I am looking forward to replacing those Hollywood-influenced illusions with real experiences and memories.
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OHHHH BOY. Where to begin? Well did I mention that I was living at home and unemployed this time last year? Or that I still have no idea what I want to do with my life? Or that I’m planning on quitting my perfectly acceptable job in February to burn through a ton of cash while exploring Europe? With absolutely no inkling of what I’ll do when I get back? And as for envy and comparisons, two of my fellow Princesses are married and the other is putting her all into a career she loves (while dating a boy who writes her love letters), while my closest relationships are with my brother and parents – all of which will change completely when I move out in a few months. So yes I’m definitely feeling behind on this whole grown up relationship/career/home/life thing.
But here is the thing guys, I’m oddly calm about all of this. I feel the strongest and most optimistic I’ve felt since I was deciding which college to choose. I feel young and lucky and beautiful and intelligent, ready and excited to begin this second quarter of my life. There is so much I know I can and want to do, and at this point I’m incredibly confident that I’ll do it.
It feels like I’ve pushed past the crisis already, coming out of the turmoil and uncertainty of my early 20s with easy joy and trust in my abilities. Maybe I haven’t really begun the crisis yet and come 27 I’ll be crying alone in my room sad that nothing worked out. Or this could even be the eye of the storm, a brief moment of false security before the crippling anxiety hits again. But right now (and for the last few weeks) things seem to be looking up.
When I think of who I’ve been I’m proud of her decisions and I trust my future self to make the best choices she can as well. Sure I might not be living the best life imaginable, but I am trying, and while I still have no clue about anything, I know that I’m not supposed to. It feels great to be taking action in my life, not just in my upcoming travels, but also in wrapping up old to do lists, pushing myself to say yes to things that scare me and making plans for new ones. It’s okay not to have all the answers yet, and as long as I’m willing to work hard until I do, that is all that matters.
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When I was thinking about how to answer this question, my first thought was that I wasn’t really having a quarter life crisis. Then I realized that this wasn’t really true, it was just that my crisis was not entirely my own, and not an entirely typical quarter life crisis.
You see my crisis involves my husband. Mostly, it involves how I relate to him while he is in crisis, and how I can mature in order to support him and stop being selfish. As most of you know, we’ve been through a whirlwind together and most recently he accepted a job aboard a cruise ship meaning that he will be gone for at least six weeks. This is my crisis. I know that he is doing what he needs to do, but I need him to be here. I know how I should handle it. I know that the adult thing to do is bear this burden gracefully and be strong while he is gone. However what I have done is burst into tears and freak out when I have to deal with car licensing paperwork that would be his responsibility were he around. I know that I can be independent and make it on my own for a while, but I don’t want to! The stress I feel is the stress of knowing the kind of wife I should strive to be but holding stubbornly to my selfish desires anyway. I want to be the kind of wife who helps him achieve his dreams and willingly sacrifices her time and effort to support him. But more often I find myself wanting to tell him he should never leave my side because I hate it when he’s gone.
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I am about to turn 25, and I actually feel…pretty good about it. Oddly, I remember having a harder time turning 23, knowing that my college years were over and I had to enter the land of true adults. Well, two years have gone by since then, and I do think I’ve acclimated to being an adult, while still staying relatively young at heart. Perhaps because I’m proud of what I’ve done in my twenties so far and I’m pretty content with my life, 25 isn’t looking so bad.
Actually, lately I have been absolutely in love with my twenties. So much so that the other day I described to my husband how awesome I thought it would be if we could have TWO decades of our twenties, then have our thirties to focus on raising kids, and then continue on as usual. Obviously certain facts about biology and physics preclude this happy fantasy…but still. Wouldn’t it be GREAT? The fact that we physically can’t extend this amazing decade leads to the conclusion that we should probably just make the most of it, which is what we’re all trying to do here at the Twenty-Something Condition.
I’m not an expert on how to do that, though. I’ll admit I spend my fair share of wasted time on facebook and other non-life-enriching websites, watching TV, doing dull work, sleeping, you get the idea. But I’ve also taken risks and said yes to things I never would have considered in the past, like my current two jobs and the whole ridiculous fact that I live on the other side of the world and kind of love it. I guess I’m making the most of these years as best I can…I hope I improve that skill though, because the years are never going to pass by any more slowly than they are right now.
Am I in a crisis? Not really, though I do often reflect on the passing of time and how weird it is to have lived for 25 whole years. My grandmother died recently, and she was my last living grandparent. In my family, at least, a generation is gone, and that means my parents’ generation will be next, and then…
When I think that way it’s easy to worry that life is passing me by, but luckily I can still snap myself out of that pretty easily, just by looking around and marveling at how wonderful and blessed my life is. To me, that’s a good place to be, no matter your age. Bring it on, 25! I’m ready for more awesome.